To reconsider the relationship if I dont meet his parents?

[FirecrackerK]

We've been together 10 months and he's from Finland where his parents live.

We are also currently long distance in the UK and visiting each other regularly.

A couple of months ago he said his parents are keen to meet me/invited me to Finland. He then said 'but I think they'll be over here first'.

Fast forward and they are coming for x5 days in a month's time. I asked if he'd made plans yet (as a friend has asked me to to to an event with her the same week) - he said no. Then I mentioned I'd like to meet them and he said 'its definitely a possibility. I haven't planned the trip yet so need to figure it out.'

We are also going on two long weekends together. One before his parents arrive and one after. Now that I've expressed my wish to meet them, if I doesn't happen should I be thinking about moving on?

He met mine months ago, I'm early 30s and want a serious relationship. He's divorced with no kids.

Anyone?

Do you have form for not having patience? (Bumping your post 10 mins in due to no reply).

They're coming in a month! Why would he have made plans already. I barely plan past tomorrow.

You’re being impatient and pressuring him.

You know there coming and I’m sure he will discuss and make plans with them nearer the time or once they’re here.

You don’t want him to feel forced into introducing them to you because you won’t stop going on about it, you want him to introduce them to you because HE wants to.

So back off and stop going on about it and if he brings it up you know he’s serious about you, if not you have your answer.

If there were unreasonable excuses why you can't meet them when they visit, I would be wondering about that tbh, even meeting up for quick coffee would be something if they were on a travel iternary.

Agree with this

I think you need to calm down a bit.

He’s obviously told them about you. If he saw you as just a random woman he was having a casual relationship with, he probably wouldn’t have mentioned you. Or at least would have told them that it wasn’t at that stage yet.

Wait until the week before they get here, and if he hasn’t mentioned it, suggest that he books a table somewhere so you can all have dinner together. If he agrees, then great, no problem. If he fobs you off, then you need to have a chat with him and find out his reasons. And then you can decide whether it’s worth your time to continue.

Why don't you just tell him that you won't be able to meet his parents on x date as you have an event with a friend but are looking forward to seeing them when they come over.

I wouldn’t put any pressure on this, it’s still a month away and a quick introduction to parents doesn’t require 4 weeks of planning in advance.

For what it’s worth, maybe he’s not ready for you to meet his parents and that’s okay, he might have his own reasons for that.

I kept my now DH away from my parents as long as possible. Nothing to do with him and everything to do with my parents.

Although staying away from people with batshit parents might be a good relationship choice.

I don’t get why you care so much about meeting a bf’s parents tbh. You are adults, not teenagers. Just calm TF down and let it happen when convenient and the time is right! He’ll go right off you, and rightly so, if you are constantly this intense, lol.

Don’t push. It is possible that he doesn’t want you to meet them because he’s not that into you, but if that is the case, pushing won’t help. If he has other reasons, there is still no reason to push.

It could easily be a problem with the parents, or at 10 months maybe he thinks it’s too soon.

You are far too pushy for a Finnish person. Things happen when they happen, chill. You want to rethink the relationship, then rethink the relationship. Parents have nothing to do with it.
(Half-Finnish woman living with her partner for three years without either of us meeting each-other’s parents)

OP you're coming across as very needy. It's a month away and he hasn't made plans yet so he...doesn't have a plan. I don't see why you've immediately leapt to the conclusion that that means you're not going to meet them.

When he does have a plan then either you're in it or you're not. If you're not then that's the time to consider the relationship.

But honestly, already thinking you'd dump him and bumping the thread after 15 minutes sounds like a combination of neediness and impatience. Have a look at yourself to see if you think they are attractive qualities in a potential partner.

Cultural differences strike me as being relevant here.

He's already been divorced. He may not want to set parents expectations/pressure to marry at this stage.

That's fine. Potentially it's healthy.

I can't even begin to understand what your problem is. You've only been together 10 months, you're long distance, and he hasn't worked out details with his parents yet. What's the big deal? But whatever, if you want to chuck a relationship over this, go ahead.

Agree with this.

Yes, in your shoes I'd like to meet and spend a bit of time with them, but I don't know why you are being so impatient about the details.

You know the dates they will be here. If the event with your friend is on one day, that still leaves the other 4 days.
If going to another country to stay with their son, I don't think most parents would have a planned itinerary in advance.

Relax.

He has told them about you, hence the invite to Finland one day to see them - after only 10 months of a long distance relationship that's giving pretty good vibes from his end.

I will echo what everyone else has said, chill out. Tell him what day/times the event is that you have been invited to and let him know if he would like to plan anything to do it around that, then get on with it without being so pushy and hassling him.

If you end up not being asked to meet them then you can use that weekend with him after they have left to discuss and decide any next steps you want to take together or seperately.

This what I mean

People think I'm being OTT and maybe I am.

But I introduced to my family and I'd like to meet his. Ive expressed this and obviously need to wait and see, but I think if he doesn't make a suggestion to include me it will leave a question mark for me.

Also re planning ahead - we both have jobs in this long distance relationship and therefore we do usually have to plan ahead when we can meet.

If he leaves it until the last moment, I probably won't make it.

And I might only be able to meet them at the weekend for example - which is when my friend asked to meet. I don't want to say no to her just to not get invited anyway.

Instead of playing games, why don't you tell him today that unless he tells you now that he'd like for you to meet his parents when then come in four weeks, you will be accepting your friends offer.

I don’t know if it’s helpful or not but when I have been navigating my long term relationship this issue of planning in advance has been a bone of contention between us.

I get anxious and like a plan and he is relaxed and likes to be spontaneous, see where things go and doesn’t feel it’s important to plan ahead to the same amount of time and detail I would. We are different in this way and we have had to learn how to compromise.

It stresses him out when I push him for plans and it stresses me out when I feel like there is no plan. It’s not for us to make each other feel better which is why we try to both see each others points of view and come to a compromise.

If someone was messing you about and not committing to anything for a long time I agree it’s a red flag but I do think you are being pushy and this represents your anxiety that he doesn’t like you as much as you like him. But your response to this is that you don’t seem to trust him and you don’t trust it will happen so you are already planning to break up with him. Maybe that is best. He's already told you they are coming and you will meet them he just hasn’t told you the details as it’s a month away and he doesn’t know yet. I don’t get the impression he is messing you about.

My DP doesn’t not plan things because he doesn’t care about me or not love or value me it is his personality. It’s not that I love him more and am more committed because I do plan. We have different drivers of why we do things.

When I am feeling like I need a plan I ask myself why, and if it’s to prove DP loves me then I have to admit this is my insecurity he is not doing this to me on purpose. He also understands I like to have a vague outline at least and he’s not a single guy anymore and life can be complex to plan so he appreciates it when I explain why I need a plan. We have a Google calendar and I put things in it that I have agreed to do and ask him to add tentative plans in when he is aware and he’s aware I might not make them if it isn’t enough notice.

I would say DP I have been invited to X so bear this in mind when your parents are here and let me know what other days work as I don’t want to miss seeing them. Just be upfront instead of nagging him to make plans tell him it’s because you want to go to the event with your friend and that time is now not free. Then it’s up to him what to do next

Yes, and?
You want to meet his parents and you've expressed this. Why do you think you need to keep expressing it? He already has the information he needs.
Say yes to your friend and you can negotiate the dates for meeting the parents when everyone has a solid plan. You just happen to be unavailable for one day out of 5.

I don't get this, it's his parents trip. Surely they have things they want to see and do and if they don't have time to meet you this time they will another time. I don't think it is a big deal at all. Tell your friend the situation and see if she is ok with the plan being pencilled in. I think you need to take a few deep breaths, you seem very full on.

He met your parents after one month?