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AIBU?

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Original poster

To send a diary reminder to DH to change bedding for his friends

56 replies

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:09

DH has booked a few work trips this month and has also invited friends to stay for a weekend at the end of it.

I have just realised he will expect me beds to be changed, and clearing up of the mess in the bedrooms.

I have too much on; he isn't going to do it. The children are hoarders - it's not a one-hour job. I'm looking for advice on how not to crack.

OP posts:
TipTopDebate · 11/09/2024 00:12

Do you mean DH or DC? Because wtf is this 🤣

coffy11 · 11/09/2024 00:14

Just leave it, he's an adult, he can do it. He invited them, he can be embarrassed when they turn up and it's a mess. Just ignore.

Ponoka7 · 11/09/2024 00:15

Remind him. Are they mutual friends, if he'd have asked would you rather they wasn't staying? If they were good company I'd compromise and sort some of the stuff possibly with the children.

Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:15

The children's bedroom serves as a guest room when people visit. The whole house is a midden.

OP posts:
JustTalkToThem · 11/09/2024 00:16

Talk to him?

loropianalover · 11/09/2024 00:17

I'm looking for advice on how not to crack.

What do you mean? Advice on how to not crack and remind him? How to not crack and do it yourself? How to not be embarrassed by the state of the house?

Why can’t you just talk to each other? Or give the kids a big box each and tell them stuff has to go.

Just4thisthreadtoday · 11/09/2024 00:19

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:15

The children's bedroom serves as a guest room when people visit. The whole house is a midden.

@burnedoutskivvy

talk to him. Work out how you're all going to get the house in shape NOT because friends are coming to stay (but obviously that's an incentive) but because none of you should be living like that, especially the children.

if you need help listen to Dana K White on you tube

Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:21

I don't want to hear his litany of woes and all the reasons why he can't do it.

The children can't cope with things being thrown away. I have just left their piles of rubbish and stopped inviting friends.

OP posts:
Anxiouswaffle · 11/09/2024 00:21

I leave DP alexa reminers to change bed linen - It is his job as he is SAHP - and it feels slightly less painful than constant verbal reminders
But re your DH- Are you both working? it does read like you want to punish him for inviting friends- did he not consult you? Do you regard teh work trips as a jolly?

loropianalover · 11/09/2024 00:24

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:21

I don't want to hear his litany of woes and all the reasons why he can't do it.

The children can't cope with things being thrown away. I have just left their piles of rubbish and stopped inviting friends.

Ok, I suppose there’s nothing else to say or do then.

If DH is fine with having friends stay, no point in you getting stressed over it.

Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:25

Anxiouswaffle · 11/09/2024 00:21

I leave DP alexa reminers to change bed linen - It is his job as he is SAHP - and it feels slightly less painful than constant verbal reminders
But re your DH- Are you both working? it does read like you want to punish him for inviting friends- did he not consult you? Do you regard teh work trips as a jolly?

This sounds helpful - thanks.

I don't want to 'punish'. It's that I don't have the energy and I don't care any more. But rationally I can see that it would be shameful not to tidy up and that the guests would feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2024 00:25

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:21

I don't want to hear his litany of woes and all the reasons why he can't do it.

The children can't cope with things being thrown away. I have just left their piles of rubbish and stopped inviting friends.

Friends coming to visit isn't the problem. Allowing your kids and yourself to live like this is definitely a problem. Making a plan with your husband to turn this around should be a top priority.

Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:29

Thank you

OP posts:
Babyandmexox · 11/09/2024 00:34

Honestly make the kids tidy their room and if they don't and they leave stuff around just put it all in the bin.. it's stressful having guests but I really like a tidy home when I have them to and it can be overwhelming you and DH need to make a plan and do a rota and get the children involved to! Many hands make light work! When are said friends coming ?

Gowlett · 11/09/2024 00:35

i know what you mean. It’s having to tell him.
Fucking why? We have to think of everything!

DH was complaining that DS was going in the bath too late.
Meanwhile, I’ve cooked & served dinner, cleaned the kitchen.
All while on a late work Zoom. He could have done the bath?
But, I didn’t tell him. And now I’m accused of “moaning”…

Poppins21 · 11/09/2024 06:10

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:15

The children's bedroom serves as a guest room when people visit. The whole house is a midden.

Can you afford to get a cleaning crew in and to be ruthless?

Poppins21 · 11/09/2024 06:13

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:21

I don't want to hear his litany of woes and all the reasons why he can't do it.

The children can't cope with things being thrown away. I have just left their piles of rubbish and stopped inviting friends.

why can’t they cope? Surely keeping and living in a neat and tidy home is a life skill?

I would probably hire cleaners and declutters and get it sorted as I couldn’t stand it.

asking not judging.

rookiemere · 11/09/2024 07:09

If you don't actually have a spare room, then you don't really have room for guests. Where do your DCs sleep when someone else is in their room ?
I don't know how you sort this one out, but going forward just say no more overnight guests as you simply don't have enough space to host.

Original poster
burnedoutskivvy · 12/09/2024 17:25

Anxiouswaffle · 11/09/2024 00:21

I leave DP alexa reminers to change bed linen - It is his job as he is SAHP - and it feels slightly less painful than constant verbal reminders
But re your DH- Are you both working? it does read like you want to punish him for inviting friends- did he not consult you? Do you regard teh work trips as a jolly?

I wouldn't care if they visited or not if the house were tidy, so it's not a punishment - the problem is the mess, which he won't deal with.

I do think being away with work is pleasant. I really look forward to my trips, though there are just fewer of them. The person at home definitely has it worse.

I can't see the point of having a conversation, but maybe I'll try - you never know though I would be amazed if he were suddenly up for the giant clear-up, extra laundry and making up of beds.

OP posts:
SauviGone · 12/09/2024 17:29

Why can't the children cope with things being thrown away - how old are they?

KerryBlues · 12/09/2024 17:31

burnedoutskivvy · 11/09/2024 00:15

The children's bedroom serves as a guest room when people visit. The whole house is a midden.

The whole house is a midden.
And this is entirely his fault?
I suspect not.

334bu · 12/09/2024 17:32

Tell him to get a cleaning company in.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/09/2024 17:34

Personally I don’t think giving kids rooms to guests is a good idea. The children will need their “retreat” even more than usual when guests are in the house.

Better for you and your DH to give them your room.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/09/2024 17:35

But also yes they should be tidying their room and all of your should be tidying the house.

Wwyd2025 · 12/09/2024 17:35

The guests sleep on the sofa or at an air b&b, you don't give up your children's beds for guests. Wtf.