To send a diary reminder to DH to change bedding for his friends

[burnedoutskivvy]

DH has booked a few work trips this month and has also invited friends to stay for a weekend at the end of it.

I have just realised he will expect me beds to be changed, and clearing up of the mess in the bedrooms.

I have too much on; he isn't going to do it. The children are hoarders - it's not a one-hour job. I'm looking for advice on how not to crack.

I agree

We may have different cultural values - I would find a guest sleeping on a sofa or being diverted to an AirBnB inhospitable.

We have a fold-out bed in one of the children's bedrooms so that we can accommodate guests. It would be difficult to fold it out right now, though.

What is a midden?

inhospitable?
But a fold out bed in a shit tip of a room belonging to your kids is ok?

I'd prefer to sleep in an Air BnB if the alternative was causing stress and a lot of extra work for my friends and kicking the kids out of their room.

I don't think it's a bad idea to set reminders for your DH, just make it clear to him you don't have time to sort the room by yourself and that you're assiging the task to him.

No, the guest goes into the 'better' room!

In my experience, it seems that delegating tasks without consultation is a man thing. At least, I hear of it regarding men far more than women. I would even say it's a common theme.

Where do these cunts get off?
"I've invited guests for the weekend. You'll have to spend hours preparing. I'm not doing it. I'm too important."

Try me. You'll see.

Do not crack.

If the kids are old enough to be doing their own rooms then he can oversee it being done.

A tip , a dump. A mess. Unhygienic.

I’m really confused. You call him ‘D’H, but seem to hate him. What’s the back story?

A pigsty/mess/tip

**

Why not, do they have conditions?

Why is the place such a mess generally?

How many friends? Do adults with kids actually have sleepovers?

Unless they were family friends that we’d both invited I’d think my DH had gone nuts if he did this.

I don't hate him. There's no back story - apart from me struggling with the second shift, which I don't enjoy at all.

I hear you OP. I used to run around getting things ready when OH had friends over. Until I decided I was burning out being responsible for pretty much everything in the house/for the kids.

Now I just ask him what he's planning to do about sleeping arrangements/feeding them all, which makes him think about it and make plans, rather than stick his head in the sand and expect me to do it by magic.

Uh.
Sad.☹️

It sounds like you're both extremely busy at the moment. Would you consider getting a cleaner in now as a one off and you can both tackle the bigger problem another time ?

So much head-tilting from certain pps. I remember when MN was default sympathetic to women struggling with the mental load of having to find energy for ‘managing’ DHs who regard cleaning, organization and planning as things they have to be asked to do

Good luck, OP. It’s not as simple as ‘just talk to him’ when you’ve tried again and again

Does he mind if the house is untidy when his friends stay?

I think it's worth a conversation about when this needs to be tackled by in terms of a date that gives enough time for the friends to stay elsewhere if need be. It's not your job but it sounds like he has no intention of making it his job.

My first suggestion in my initial post was that you and your husband give up your bed rather than the children - I was more agreeing with “the children don’t give up their room” - if you want to be hospitable you could also pay for an air bnb or hotel.

I love your amazing “cultural values” that don’t inconvenience you at all but only your children! Or that mean you haven’t invited anyone to your house for some time because it’s such a “midden”.

And what great “cultural values” that mean you want to send PA reminders to your husband because he invites guests to your home but isn’t prepared to put in the work. Sounds amazing.

Honestly, did you mean to be so rude?

I didn't mean to be rude. It wouldn't occur to me to ask people to get an Airbnb so I thought that was perhaps why. I appreciated you trying to solve a problem for a stranger on the internet and it might be part of a solution. Thank you.

I'm just done a couple of hours of clearing up - I can see it's not as bad as it feels once you actually get started, though it's also taking longer than I expected 😬

If you don’t care one way another if the house is untidy, tell him if he wants it prepared for his guests, he needs to do it, and that’s the end of matter.

It’s tougher if you do care and he doesn’t. The only leverage you have is to say, if you want your friends to stay, you need to tidy the house.

As an alternative, go somewhere nice with kids and leave him to it.

Or just go somewhere nice on your own and leave him and the kids to it.