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Original poster

Can you be my partner for a second?

48 replies

Terracata · 09/09/2024 16:08

My son kicked his friend on the way out of school today. I have told him he is not having tv. He has been sobbing for the last hour. He's mumbling that this is the worst day of his life. Coughing from crying so much. I am following through with the no tv. I feel so peed off that he had such a huge meltdown in the school playground. Everyone was staring. I feel sad that he's so upset and know that taking away his tv was going to make things worse, but I can't go back on it now.

He's got suspected adhd and his behaviour can be awful sometimes. Not usually kicking or hurting though. I know he's struggling with being back at school.

Please, how do I handle the rest of this evening? I'm exhausted and don't have a partner to help out. Any advice would be wonderful because my brain has stopped functioning.

OP posts:
AtYourOwnRisk · 09/09/2024 16:11

How old is he?

ActualChips · 09/09/2024 16:11

What were your evening plans/what do you normally do?

Andtheworldwentwhite · 09/09/2024 16:11

U carry though. Consequences are huge. I worked with kids for 30 years. Always do what u say ur going to

Original poster
Terracata · 09/09/2024 16:13

Andtheworldwentwhite · 09/09/2024 16:11

U carry though. Consequences are huge. I worked with kids for 30 years. Always do what u say ur going to

I am following through.

He's 5.

OP posts:
Rickrolypoly · 09/09/2024 16:13

when he calms down, try to have a proper chat with him about what happened and why it's not ok to hit people etc.
Can he play out for a while/read a book/play with toys/board game etc?

usernother · 09/09/2024 16:13

No tv is fine. Stick to your guns.

Noshferatu · 09/09/2024 16:13

Oh bless you, looking at the time this wasn’t long ago? And your boy sounds quite small?

did you say how long for no tv.. was it going to be all evening? If so try to offer something else, or a distraction. Make a hot chocolate and sit & wait for him to notice it. If it wasn’t time specific perhaps you could call a halt now & say let’s talk about what led up to you kicking your friend.

he will calm down soon & will need you to be loving and calm too

Motomum23 · 09/09/2024 16:14

Stay strong. You are doing the right thing following through. When he is crying less hard gently remind him of other activities he can do instead of tv... get him to colour or paint or play doh etc.
He isn't a criminal - you've given a consequence so now he needs lots of love alongside the consequence.

Mischance · 09/09/2024 16:15

You have to follow through. It is tough I know but you have no choice. He will hopefully grasp the importance of not hurting others.

Original poster
Terracata · 09/09/2024 16:15

ActualChips · 09/09/2024 16:11

What were your evening plans/what do you normally do?

We normally come home, he gets changed into comfy clothes, park on the way home if the weather is nice, he watches tv for a couple of episodes of whatever cartoon whilst I make tea, he might play with the neighbour in the garden, after tea we have no tv and might do some drawing or something similar. Then he has a bath, books and bed.

OP posts:
anxietyaardvark · 09/09/2024 16:16

I have ND kids.

The first few weeks of term are really tough for them. They are tired, getting used to it all. It's overwhelming.

Obvs kicking etc is not ok and no TV is fine. If you properly follow through this time, you'll be able to say it in the future and he'll know you mean it.

When he has calmed down, how about a cycle round the block or a quick visit to the swings? Then tea, story and lots of hugs.

AgileGreenSeal · 09/09/2024 16:17

Do some jigsaws with him or read him a quiet story. Anything calming. Lego. That sort of thing. Play outside. Trampoline?
You must stick to your sanction of no TV now you have said it.

AgnesX · 09/09/2024 16:18

Do everything except TV but give him a cuddle and make sure he understands why things have turned out the way they have.

Seas164 · 09/09/2024 16:19

He's 5, he's very young, he's just been in a classroom all day, he's probably completely over stimulated and overwhelmed and has had to sit still and do what he's told all day, and he's not coping when he's come out at the end of the day. Which is no wonder really.

Be kind to him, and to yourself, go and give him a cuddle, take him a snack and say that you're really sorry he's having a hard time, how is he feeling. See if you can get out round the block for a little walk and a bit of fresh air together and a reset. It's really hard for the little ones at this time of year, and for you. Give yourselves a break.

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/09/2024 16:27

I feel so peed off that he had such a huge meltdown in the school playground. Everyone was staring.

You need to separate out your annoyance and embarrassment from his behaviour. The start of terms is hard for ND kids and he's very young. I'd also question whether he can cognitively make the link between kicking and no tv - it seems quite an arbitrary sanction. I agree having said it you need to follow through - and help him deal with his distress about the sanction.

He may need help to manage the transition from school to home without exploding or hurting someone else, so have a think about how you help him get from the classroom to home in a way that lets him burn off energy or frustration or whatever. I know what it's like - my DD had some awful journeys home from school - he needs better strategies to draw on.

OrwellianTimes · 09/09/2024 16:31

He’s 5. Keep to your no TV - he has to learn his lesson. However I’d focus now on other stuff - do a puzzle, play with playdough, get out in the garden and kick a football about with him. Give him a focus so that he’s not wallowing.

WallaceinAnderland · 09/09/2024 16:40

It's fine. Just carry on doing your normal routine with him having something else do to instead of tv. Don't make a big thing of it and don't give him attention for a trantrum.

DisappearingGirl · 09/09/2024 16:45

I might be told I'm wrong for this but I actually think it's okay to shorten a punishment once it's had its desired effect. Especially for a small child.

You could always say something like, okay let's have a chat. If you can calm down a bit, and tell me that you understand why it was bad to kick X, and that you won't do it again, perhaps we can have a short TV session now.

Equally doing something else is also fine.

HelenWheels · 09/09/2024 16:46

less talk op
just peace and quiet,
and a calm evening.

DisappearingGirl · 09/09/2024 16:47

Also I remember dd being horrible at that age after school. As well as being tired she was also hungry (found out later she didn't really like any of the school dinners - we switched to packed lunch and she was better). Always had to take an immediate snack to eat at pickup!

WinnyMoms · 09/09/2024 16:51

I would make sure he apologizes to his friend. Not sure about the rest.

Duckyfondant · 09/09/2024 16:54

Could it be one of those things where his friend had been kicking him all day so now it seems terribly unfair that only he got caught and punished? That's what would make my little boy really upset

Huwedwardsharddrive · 09/09/2024 16:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Merryoldgoat · 09/09/2024 17:00

He’s 5, he’s likely ND, he’s just back to school.

A punishment like that is too severe. He’s too young to understand the link.

A whole evening without something he uses to regulate himself will not help anyone.

You should give him a cuddle. When he’s calm talk about how we are kind and don’t hit.

I’d suggest that you get some help - I can recommend the Incredible Years course.