On the verge of divorce over relocating AIBU?

[tabithatwitchetwhatabitch]

Been together 12 years, married 8. Two children 3 and 7.
We both work low income jobs, DH is Nhs and I own my own domestic cleaning business (which I started 2 years ago to be flexible for Ds2 who is autistic) we rent our house from my Dh’s parents at slightly reduced rate but they are traditional landlords in the respect that we have to ask them to make changes in the house and if something breaks they will fix it. We have lived here for 4 years.

DH’s parents are lovely but they are absolute control freaks and are always very involved in our lives whether we want them to be or not, and they do so much for us (childcare, the house!) it feels very ungrateful even typing this but… I feel very much in their pocket and I don’t like it.

I made a suggestion to DH that we put ourselves on the register for social housing, knowing that it won’t be a quick process but will give us possible options down the road (6+ years wait round here) which he responded “fine” recently I found out that where my sister lives the wait for a house is much quicker, its in the countryside (which we love) and we could also apply there because we have a local connection. We could possibly get somewhere in 4 years, and probably a bigger property. I approached DH with this… but its a flat no.

He refuses to consider it because he doesn’t want to move away from his parents who live 10mins down the road currently.

He can’t seem to see all the pros of my idea, for all of us! and he won’t move on it. I’m getting more and more frustrated with his pig headedness and seriously considering calling time on the marriage rather than be trapped.

AIBU?

Any reason not to apply in both areas ?

I am in Ireland so may be different in UK but here you can only be on one housing list. It is created for people in housing need who cannot afford to rent privately or buy. The fact that op is renting and affording that I am not sure they'd even be eligible to go on any housing list.

I was about to say the same!

For him not to even discuss it would annoy me and l don’t think it’s unreasonable to discuss options. Also whether you move or don’t move then l would be wanting to take a step back from in-laws as it sounds quite suffocating

In your shoes then l would put your name down and see where things are further on down the line

Anyone can apply for social housing, doesn't mean you'll get it.

I know very little about social housing being in the US, but if I were you I'd put my name on whatever list there is for wherever it is you want to be. It sounds to me as if there's more 'lurking' in your marriage than appears on the surface. He wants what he wants and you want what you want is rarely a recipe for a peaceful coexistence. Nor would I be happy to spend my life in a place I truly 'hate'. By the time your name is at the top of the list perhaps he'll have changed his point of view, you will have changed yours, or you may be at the point of "I'm going whether you're coming or not".

Did you actually check with the LA where your parents and sister live? Because normally only the LA where you live will house you . With the exception of people feeling dv.

I thought with social housing, you couldn't just pick a nice area and put your name down for it - I thought you had to have strong ties to an area? Could be wrong though. Else wouldn't everyone just pick the nice areas?!

In her last post, OP says her parents and sister have lived in that area their whole lives.

I'd be annoyed if I was his parents. They house you and provide childcare and now you're going to bugger off. What about when they get older? What about when they need you?

my parents and sister all live in the area and have done for their whole lives.

So it is your hometown? You want to move back to where you're from? That makes sense and sounds different to wanting to live in this random countryside where eyiur sister happens to live. I'm still curious on how far it is.