Woman awarded six figure payout for failed adoption

[inadequatepillow]

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c623we048yzo

AIBU to feel a bit uncomfortable by the tone of this article?

I agree that the council should’ve been clearer about the child’s needs. But, if she’d birthed this child, he could’ve still had the same difficulties. It’s likely she’d have had no support with this if the child was hers biologically. The waits for paeds are shocking.

It says in the article he threw a heavy paperweight at her. How did he get hold of this? Why is she blaming the child?

I feel as though she’s wanted to adopt for selfish reasons and she was disappointed that she didn’t have a perfect, meek, easy kid.

When you give birth to a child, it’s luck of the draw. My son has SEND similar to the child in the article. On days when it gets a bit much for me am I supposed to just give him up for adoption? No, because I am his mother and my job is to raise him regardless of how hard it is.

I don’t think when adopting you should be able to be so picky. The child needed a home, she wanted a kid. It’s not like going to the RSPCA and ignoring all the three legged cats…

When you adopt the approval process is very lengthy and you go through a rigid list of what type of SEN you are able to provide for. It's cynically granular.
The council is majorly at fault here.

Same. It's not clear in this case whether there was deliberate deception or just incompetence, but I've come across the former more than once.

When you go through the adoption process it is gruelling. They delve into every part of you and your history/situation to assess if your suitable (and perhaps more biological parents should have this before they have kids in my opinion)!

Aside from that you also assess what you want and are capable of handling (levels of abuse, needs, disabilities etc etc). So if she went through the process, specified what she could cope with and what she could manage, and has been lied to and didn’t get that. Then how is that ok?

She also appears to not have been supported enough during transition and placement. Sounds like failings on the agencies/councils part. Shame for the child really.

Exactly they knew exactly what they were doing.

Keeping in mind the whole process, time to be approved as an adopter, time to be matched with a child.
Lots of competition between potential adopters for the 'best' children, ie under 3s with few issues.
A panel decided she was the best parent for this little boy. Who else was interested in him? Couples, single dads?

What made them pick her, as a single mum, for a child so disturbed that they needed a crash helmet?

Were the panel told of his difficulties? Or were they gaslit too?

She's done the right thing bringing this to court, not just for the money but about putting a spotlight on SW and their behaviour.
Because ultimately not disclosing the full difficulties of this child has caused the child more harm.
Been removed from a foster carer
Moved to potential adopters
Moved to a different foster carer.

Exactly.

Both this woman and the little boy were massively let down- I really hope the child went on to find a forever family that could take care of him.

I’m not sure if I read the article wrong but the process didn’t seem to take that long compared to what I thought happens. I’ve never gone through the adoption process, my best friend has and that was far longer I’m sure, and seemed to be far more rigorous, she and her husband went to classes and when they’re first child was chosen for them they had photos and videos of her given to them of her playing and eating and talking (she was a young toddler).

I feel for the mum here, as well as the child. She simply was not given the info she needed. They both deserved better.

I'm pleased this case is highlighting some of the failures of adopting through the council.
Being denied information about a child is extremely common in adopting this way.
There are other organizations that do adoptions and they do not keep as much away from people wishing to adopt.

@AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime

@MumblesParty

I'm both an adoptive parent and a foster carer in England.
I have recently had to end a foster placement after a year. I was subjected almost daily to a torrent of the most vile sexualised and personal abuse, he kicked doors off their hinges, he destroyed everything in his room and was trashing my house, he threw a ladder, a hoover and a box of broken glass at me.
I got no respite until I was at breaking point. The LA refused to authorise assessments.
It broke me heart but neither of us were safe.
The disruption meeting was illuminating. A lot of information came to light.
We were both set up to fail.

As an adopter in England I could apply to the Adoption Support Fund.
As a foster carer I got nothing of any practical support and he was utterly failed.

I don't understand why the six figure sum. That seems really odd. Why was so much money awarded to the adopter? It says the adoption process lasted 4 months. 4 months of wages isn't 6 figures?

Good to see you posting, @Ted27 — I’m not an adopter, but have been reading the Mn adoption board for over a decade as a way of being better able to understand and support friends who are parents via adoption. I’ve always found your posts very compassionate and enlightening. I’m sorry to hear your foster placement ended in these circumstances. I remember reading about it some time ago. I hope you’ve been able to recover somewhat.

I'm sorry, this is awful. Makes me so angry that they put you both through this, messing up this child's life and taking advantage of you.

Why would you think the sum related to lost earnings, though?

It is just based on personal experience of foster parents in parenting groups for children with additional needs, they get more support from social services because social services are still responsible for the child compared with adoptive parents. This is the system as it is now not as it should be where adoptive parents get adequate support.

I also know people who have adopted no photos or videos before the matching process for the children's confidentiality.
I was like reading CVs for them.

It was only after they were matched they were allowed to see a photo.

@Saytheyhear

Prospective adopters can choose to be assessed by local authorities or charities such as Action for Children or Banardoes.

All children in care are however the legal responsibility of an LA. It is the LA who holds the information and authorises individual placements of children

I think she was very brave.
It must be a really tough thing to do. And the sense of failure and guilt.
She says it was a fine line and with guaranteed support could easily have kept the dc.

I've just listened to the lady concerned on Radio Scotland. She was heartbroken about the failed adoption and still thinks of the boy every day. I believe the council failed her, and the child, it's a sad situation but no fault lies with her.

Of course birth parents who can not cope with thirr children give them.up for adoption, which is why so many if the chikdren that are in the adoption process have needs like this. Lots of parents with high needs children also sign them to social services care in a sort of joint parental responsibility situation, in order to get support.

An adoption isn't like birth in that the LA has responsibility to find the best person to meet that childs needs. It's about the child. So they need to be open with an adopter about the child's needs and support the adopter in meeting them.

Not ime , mumsnet seems to believe that social services have an abundance of loving care homes that parents can just sign their children into
Of course there are residential schools bit theu cost £££££££,s and are really only for the most complex of children .

Tbf I might have got the order of things wrong but they definitely got to see photos of her before they met her in person and she was shown photos of them although I guess she wouldn’t have really understood
much. They also got their child’s “CV”. Same process with the next child they adopted too.

But I’m still surprised the process for this child’s adoption appears to have taken so little time- 6 months seems nothing. Or maybe- and this is me being cynical- it was rushed because the child had/has such obvious issues and they wanted to “offload” him quickly before he got older and harder to place. I hope that’s not the case because it’s not fair on anyone, least of all the child.

She was adopting on her own and clearly said she could help a child with mild additional needs, not severe additional needs.

The council failed to disclose the severity of the boy's needs.
The council failed to give appropriate support.

I think the payout is justified and don't see that the woman has done anything wrong.

That said, I wonder what has happened to the child and whether he was able to be placed with someone who can meet his needs.

I am not thinking of care homes. My friends child lives at home with them but she had to sign a sort of joint responsibility agreement with the LA to access some funding in her home and as a start of preperation for adult hood. But yes this child is very complex. She was upset about having to sign it.

And the fact remains that this child's birth parent obviously wasn't able to look after him or he wouldn't be in the adoption process so you can't say birth parents just do it. Some aren't able. The LA has a duty to make sure the adopter was able and didnt.

Sorry, but if she really does care for that kid, she'd give the money she was paid towards his future care.
She cares more about herself than the child.

It doesn't surprise me that this is South Lanarkshire. The area has a huge amount of children in care.