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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have booked this holiday without telling ex?

32 replies

lurchersforever · 08/09/2024 18:57

We have been apart around 12 years and they are with me around 80% of the time. Ex has taken them on holiday say 3 times in all that time and only once in the summer holidays. He pays the bare minimum CMS and that stops and starts. I've taken them away every year without fail.

Obviously the dc are both teens now and I'm not sure how many more times they'll come away with me so the three of us said we'd do a 'big' holiday and leave Europe for the first time and have settled on Mexico, which I've booked this afternoon. Dd had made clear all along she wants to do as many weekends in the restaurant she works at as possible to save for uni in the autumn and only wants to be away for 2 Saturdays (they're the best night for tips apparently), which was fine with me and I've booked the 2 weeks.

Younger ds has messaged his dad in excitement to tell him, which has resulted in a shitty text to me about how he was planning to take the dc next year and I shouldn't have booked without asking him first. He had mentioned to ds that he would take them somewhere else as well (both have exams next year so a long summer) and ds told him he'd better ask dd as she didn't want to be away any more weekends.

I'm getting a barrage of texts, but have I done wrong? He doesn't reply to half the texts I send about arrangements and I've long since stopped telling him before I book stuff as he usually doesn't get back to me anyway and it puts me in limbo.

I think I can cancel if I do it within 24 hours but should I? I don't see why he should get what could be the last 'big' holiday with them when he's barely been arsed up to now.

OP posts:
KTheGrey · 08/09/2024 19:13

He is not reliable. You don’t rely on him. That’s how it goes.

Have a super time in Mexico.

LizLooney · 08/09/2024 19:19

Don't cancel. He's just trying to spoil your fun. Sod him.

ChristmasPostman · 08/09/2024 19:22

And how will you feel if you cancel and he carries on being as unreliable as he hitherto has been and fails to book anything decent himself? Stuff that, keep calm and carry on.

Procrastinates · 08/09/2024 19:23

Absolutely don't cancel.

It is very unlikely he was ever going to book the holiday so why should your time be dictated to based on plans he may never have made?

Ignore the messages and have a brilliant time in Mexico.

Bluenotgreen · 08/09/2024 19:24

No don’t cancel, he’s being ridiculous.

Just mute him and forget about it.

TeddyBeans · 08/09/2024 19:25

Yeah I wouldn't cancel. He probably has no intention of taking them on a big holiday and it seems very convenient that he just so wanted to take them to the very same place you've booked. Have a fantastic time!

shellyleppard · 08/09/2024 19:26

If he was that bothered why didn't he check with you first??? He's just jealous cos you booked the special holiday before he did. Go and have a fantastic time x

stripybobblehat · 08/09/2024 19:32

How do you usually plan the summer holiday arrangements? Personally I think you should have said I'm looking to go away is it ok for me to have the kids from x-y dates or w-z dates? But that's because my DH and his ex have a good relationship like that.

stripybobblehat · 08/09/2024 19:33

Although it sounds like it would have been pointless you asking him about dates.

What normally happens for the summer?

TwinklyAmberOrca · 08/09/2024 19:35

He can take them another week and just give your DD the cash that she would have made at work. Sorted!

DeliciousApples · 08/09/2024 19:38

He's telling porkies just to make you cancel. Ignore.

Or tell him "the kids would love to go with youto America to Universal or Disney (or whatever) so if you want to take them in an amazing holiday, why not take them there?

Or the one in France.
There's no need to be in competition over this. We both want them to have nice holidays.
I've booked. I'm not cancelling. If you book Disney now for then you should get a good discount and she's to pay it up and they will love it"

Or somesuch. He's just being a prick.

Sweetnessandbite · 08/09/2024 19:38

Don't let him put a dampener on things. Have an amazing time in Mexico. I agree with PP that if you cancel he probably won't book anything anyway. He's just jealous.

DeliciousApples · 08/09/2024 19:39

Typo - I meant : Ages to pay it up

Namenamchange · 08/09/2024 19:44

Don’t worry about it, these ex were always ‘just going to, it wanted to’ but they never do.

just ignore his messages, don’t respond. Nothing stopping him booking something.

grumpygrape · 08/09/2024 19:47

You discussed it with the youngsters, you fitted with DC's requirements, you and they are happy. End of. 😊

Clarabell77 · 08/09/2024 19:48

Can’t believe you would even consider cancelling. He sounds like a right knob.

Icanflyhigh · 08/09/2024 19:53

Are we sharing an Ex here?

Textbook stuff from him.... you're doing what you promised your children you would do and he's been promising it for longer and it's never happened.
Take the holiday, don't give him another thought - and ignore any shitty messages from him - he's jealous.

If your DC are anything like mine they will make him even more jealous when they share their excitement with him and the tales of the most amazing holiday afterwards.

Imnotjosiegrosieanymore · 08/09/2024 19:55

I'd literally give my dd whatever pay she'd lose on the Saturday night just to force his hand to actually book something.
I bet he's so grateful you've done this so it gets him off the hook but he has to be seen to be annoyed over it.

TinyYellow · 08/09/2024 19:56

Don’t cancel! Tell your ex you assumed he wouldn’t be able to afford a whole week away because of his maintenance arrears.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 08/09/2024 19:56

Don’t cancel - he is obviously lying about the holiday that he was planning and will be delighted that you’ve provided an “excuse” not to take them.

Saintmariesleuth · 08/09/2024 19:57

Do not cancel your trip.

Pay absolutely no mind to your ex having his tantrum.
He is free to speak with the children and make his own plans with them, he doesn't get 'first dibs' on holidays.

Enjoy your trip away, it sounds fantastic

Whydontclothesfitanymore · 08/09/2024 19:58

Have a lovely time in Mexico!

lurchersforever · 08/09/2024 20:05

Thanks everyone - I doubted myself for a minute there but I think you're right. Even ds said he was shocked ex had mentioned taking them as they don't usually go away together. So annoying how he can still get to me at times after all these years! Thank God for MN 😀.

OP posts:
stripybobblehat · 08/09/2024 20:08

TinyYellow · 08/09/2024 19:56

Don’t cancel! Tell your ex you assumed he wouldn’t be able to afford a whole week away because of his maintenance arrears.

Nice!

Getonwitit · 08/09/2024 20:09

Do not let him bully you.