To have booked this holiday without telling ex?

[lurchersforever]

We have been apart around 12 years and they are with me around 80% of the time. Ex has taken them on holiday say 3 times in all that time and only once in the summer holidays. He pays the bare minimum CMS and that stops and starts. I've taken them away every year without fail.

Obviously the dc are both teens now and I'm not sure how many more times they'll come away with me so the three of us said we'd do a 'big' holiday and leave Europe for the first time and have settled on Mexico, which I've booked this afternoon. Dd had made clear all along she wants to do as many weekends in the restaurant she works at as possible to save for uni in the autumn and only wants to be away for 2 Saturdays (they're the best night for tips apparently), which was fine with me and I've booked the 2 weeks.

Younger ds has messaged his dad in excitement to tell him, which has resulted in a shitty text to me about how he was planning to take the dc next year and I shouldn't have booked without asking him first. He had mentioned to ds that he would take them somewhere else as well (both have exams next year so a long summer) and ds told him he'd better ask dd as she didn't want to be away any more weekends.

I'm getting a barrage of texts, but have I done wrong? He doesn't reply to half the texts I send about arrangements and I've long since stopped telling him before I book stuff as he usually doesn't get back to me anyway and it puts me in limbo.

I think I can cancel if I do it within 24 hours but should I? I don't see why he should get what could be the last 'big' holiday with them when he's barely been arsed up to now.

This is a good idea.

Call his bluff. Tell your daughter that if she misses more Saturday shifts you’ll give her the money she’s lost, and tell your ex he’s fine to go ahead and book. If he’s as you described him, it won’t happen .

It sounds like your DC are very close to the age where you’ll never have to communicate with him about anything again. Hang on in there!

Well he can still take them away if he and they want to go. You’ve not stopped anything. If DD doesn’t want to go with him that’s not on you. If he wants to make plans he needs to check in with the kids, they are old enough to manage their time.

He’s feeling inadequate because you’re taking them away on a fantastic holiday and he isn’t, so he needs to try to stop you going.
Have an amazing time in Mexico OP!

I wouldn’t cancel of course but you do technically need his permission if he is on the bc and they are not adults

which has resulted in a shitty text to me about how he was planning to take the dc next year and I shouldn't have booked without asking him first By that logic, he should have checked with you first before making any plans of his own.

But, realistically, you know that this has nothing to do with you taking them on holiday and everything to do with him using it as an excuse to beat you with. The only responses are to either completely ignore and be grateful that the time is rapidly approaching where you never have to speak to him about holidays ever again, or say ‘fantastic! The DC will be over the moon that they’re getting two lovely holidays. I’ll leave it with you to talk to them about dates.’ And then carry on, safe in the knowledge that there is more chance of him inviting you on holiday than there is him taking your DC away anywhere.