If you have older children...

[Dollarydoos]

Tell me what parts of having younger (maybe like 3-11 year old) children do you miss/wish you'd enjoyed more? And what parts are you not missing at all?

I miss early bedtimes! Was great when they went to bed at 7.30pm and we'd have a few hours childfree time. Teens stay up as late as adults or even later!

I miss:

the amount of time we spent together, their joy at doing simple things, the days when hanging out with mummy was the most fun thing imaginable, reading together, cuddling up with them in their pyjamas all clean and warm after a bath, their lack of self-consciousness...I could go on and on.

Don't miss:

not much. I really loved having small children. Changing after swimming maybe- so hot and cramped and stressful.

I'm lucky though as they are still lovely as late teens/young adults and we still have a lot of fun, hugs, excellent conversations...

Mine are 17 and 19 and amazing people but I miss the little people they were. I mostly miss the snuggles when they were tired, the fun things we used to do, the utter joy and excitement of Christmas, walking along the road with a little hand inside mine, the smiles when they first see you in the morning, after school etc

i don’t miss the actual school runs and the constant organising. I also regret that I did a massive career change when they were still quite young which meant me going back to uni and working shifts. I missed out on so many things and I really regret it now as you can never get those times back

There's nothing really that I miss quite honestly, aside from the cuddles. I prefer older children. Mine is 16.

I was a lone parent for DS's whole life though so I'm coming at it from a perspective of having no help!

Me too, nothing I miss really, I really enjoy my late teen DC. I've also been a lone parent for a very long time.

There was a poem that did the rounds about 10-12 years ago about parenting and the bit I remember was that for every parent there is that one day that you put your child down ... and then you never pick them up again.

You never know when something will be the last time.

This is lovely! Do you have kind of a general feeling of memory of those moments or are there specific stand out points you remember?

Just thinking the other day we were preparing to visit a playground. Often on weekends we divide and conquer, DH takes the kids out and I either work or do chores. I'm a SAHM during the week so it's nice to have some quiet time. However on this occasion we were all going. DD asked 'are you coming too mummy?" And when I said yes they both jumped up and down like it was frickin Christmas. There was cheering, they hugged me, they hugged one another. Honestly the reaction is something I hope I never forget. Felt utterly cherished!!

I saw that!! Then some influencers mum gave him a piggy back along the beach so she'd always remember the last time she picked him up 😂 think he was in his 30's 😁😂😂

I miss holding hands walking to school

The enthusiasm and lack of cynicism
Visibly happy to see me (still have the dog for that though)
Holding my hand - I was with a friends small child yesterday and she was walking next to me. I felt a little hand slip into mine and it was wonderful
Them thinking I knew everything and was the bestest most cleverest person ever.

I'm looking forward to doing this more this year. When DS started DD was still so small that either she'd be in the buggy or I'd be carrying/dragging her and had very little bandwidth left for poor DS who was the one who really needed my attention at the time. This year she's in preschool 3 mornings a week and will start before he does so we can have the school run just us 🤗Will be sure to soak it in!!

So many lovely memories I think Inloved it all until they were about 13-14. DS was utterly vile from about 15 to 21/22 - challenging, argumentative, pushing every boundary. Fortunately he worked academically and went to a good school with lots of sport.

DD was challenging due to anxiety, depression and self harm from about 15 to 21. She was very poorly and diagnosed with ADHD aged 17 which was at the root of it all. There was no useful help whatsoever via the NHS.

Both fine now, both lovely again, successful and settled.

I do recall during the teenage years thinking that the broken nights with them screaming in the cot were preferable to the sleepless nights of the teenage years when ds would text aged 17/18 at 1am (told to be home before midnight) to say he was waiting for the night bus on Lewisham High Road and had 1% battery.

I don’t miss much really. They were cute and funny and seeing them learn and grow was lovely. But I’m so proud of the fab people they are now and being able to go out without needing babysitting is great

I still have a pre-teen (just)! so only coming out the other side now

I miss

Holding their hands
Fleecy babygros/onesies in winter
The excitement of Santa
Their innocence
How much they loved me and actually liked me
Reading books such as The Gruffalo
Not having any major worries about them, everything was easily solved
Being able to put them to bed early or earlier. They are up later than me now.
Toddler sized shoes
The cot beside my bed (that mostly wasn’t slept in).

I don’t miss

Playgrounds and soft play centres and the endless birthday parties there
Toddler ear infections and general sickness
Swimming lessons.
A crying baby in the car because they hated it
Phonics/homework/spellings
All the appointments - developmental checks, vaccines, speech & language clinics
Having a messy (ier) house
Not being able to go somewhere by myself, leave them alone at home

I'm loving them now at 15, but I do miss the hand holding. I can't even remember when that stopped. I also loved reading to them before bed. Not so much the tedious toddler books, though that post bath snuggle (and the promise they were about to sleep) was lovely. We managed to keep up my reading to them into the first few months at secondary school. It's a joy now when I find a TV series they will sit down and enjoy with me.

I think I feel this way. I've loved parenting them and watching them grow. They are both teenagers now and still both very good and we have a lot of fun together. I'm not at all wistful for the younger years though, we had a great time then, we have a great time now. I can't imagine parenting young kids now, we've all moved past that and are happy with the stage we are in. They still hug me, tell me that they love me, hang out with me etc we just do things that we all enjoy now!

I love this. My youngest still does this.

Reading this has made me think about co-sleeping. My ex and I had different approaches, I loved it, he was always railing against it. But seemingly without drama, it's pretty much stopped.

So anyone reading this who's maybe feeling worried or being made to feel worried. It does stop, and it can stop without drama.

Although, it might be my snoring that put the final nail in that coffin!

😂

My littlest ends up in my bed more often than not. We coslept from day 1 as she'd just never settle in the cot, whereas my oldest preferred space when sleeping from the very early days. Sometimes I really miss the rest, but mostly I love that I'm her safe space <3 Glad to know I don't need to be overthinking the end date though.

Dd was a diehard cosleeper with extra cuddles required. I worried I would be going to university with her. She doesn’t even like having to share a hotel room in a separate bed these days.

we push them because everyone tells us we must. There is no reason to aside from balancing our needs and theirs. If everyone with an actual stake is happy, don’t rush. It will be gone so fast

I was just thinking about this the other day.

I miss splashing in puddles and the tightest hugs.

I could still splash in puddles by myself, but it was more fun doing it with them.

I don’t miss not being able to leave them on their own!
I miss the cuddles and the bedtime stories. I miss how they were always so happy to see you. That everything was so exciting.

Actually I’ve thought of something I don’t miss- that stage when you take them to soft play but you have to get into the soft play with them. Farking hell.

I miss them thinking I was right occasionally!

Following so I can read when my 3yr old is being challenging........!

My DD is nearly 7, so still very little but gaining independence. When she was about 4/5 she stopped having to hold my hand to cross the road, which she was very proud of, but it meant that she stopped holding my hand nearly altogether. One day I started holding her hand she went “mummy I don’t NEED to hold you hand now.” I told her “I know you don’t NEED to but I like holding your hand because I love you” and thankfully she holds it all the time now- although she does like to remind me she doesn’t need to, she just loves me 😂