If you have older children...

[Dollarydoos]

Tell me what parts of having younger (maybe like 3-11 year old) children do you miss/wish you'd enjoyed more? And what parts are you not missing at all?

Strangely enough I was thinking about this on Friday, as I passed a playground with a group of children, aged between 7 and 11 ish. It reminded me of my 3 doing the same; having fun, being daft and chatting incessantly. Mine always got on during those years and it was lovely to just be able to watch them and enjoy it. Mine are now between 19 and 24 and although they do still get on, it's really not quite the same.

3-5, maybe older, as they weren't self conscious and joy was unbridled when they were feeling it. I definitely miss it, even though some of it was really tough when they were less joyful! And they got on.

What I miss: the cuddles. Reading to them + cuddles, bedtime + cuddles, watching telly + cuddles.

Cuddles are few and far between these days.

Also miss their problems being simple and solvable. Often you can’t interfere with teenagers’ problems.

Pottering about making stuff.

What I don’t miss: the tyranny of meal times. We still eat as a family once a day, but they are good cooks now so can make their own lunch (in the hols) or take turns at cooking supper for all.

I wish I hadn't always been in a hurry and stopped at the park more often.
Compared to most parents now I had it easy because I only worked 2 days a week but in hindsight I regret it. We couldhave managed and I could have spent more time with them.
I wish I had spent less time focusing on them achieving milestones and academic grades and more time just doing whatever they wanted to do.

Reading stories
Cuddles
The excitement around birthdays, Xmas, visits to family and friends.
An early morning car journey could be made exciting by putting breakfast in a lunch box.
The enthusiasm for life

I don't miss the squabbling. My older 2 fell out when they were 6 and 3 and have been close since. Hated each other for years. Now, if they're in the same place, they mostly ignore one another.

I don't miss the relentlessness of dinner, tidying, bedtime. Every night the same tedious battles.

But I really, really miss watching Charlie and Lola with one child snuggled into my lap and the other two cuddled up to me on the sofa.
And lying in bed in the morning with a small, sleepy child. The physical closeness of still being not quite one person but not having yet completely separated

My favourite time was the newborn bubble. No one had expectations of me other than to cuddle and feed my LO.
I don't miss every aspect of the school run, even though we had some of our best conversations and some massive laughs, I did find that constantly checking the clock, dashing between schools and navigating hail,rain,ice,fog etc. was taxing. Actually I wouldn't mind doing it 3 times a week but 5 was a lot.

I miss them being care free and happy. And not be embarrassed by my very existence. Teenagers are such grumpy creatures.

I miss being able to hug my sons and it fixing their problems, the reading bedtime stories and the hugs x they are now 19 and 16 .not many hugs but get the occasional love you mum so not all bad x

I miss that feeling of picking up my child and knowing she is safe in my arms. I miss feeling her whole body relax against mine because there is no better place in the world than being held by your mother.

I miss their little faces when I picked them up from school.
I miss reading with them at bedtime and choosing books from the lovely children's section of book shops.
I miss planning days out, making picnics and a treat from the gift shop.
I miss getting them out of the bath and wrapping them up in a towel.
Biggest thing I miss - holding hands.
I don't miss the exhaustion of 6 pm when the bedtime routine was coming up and they were tired and whiney.
I don't miss sitting with them while they were in the bath for seemingly hours.
I don't miss the tantrums.
Mine are teenagers now and I am lucky that they are generally really good company. I like being with them more than ever but I do have a little pang of 'I miss ...' from time to time.

My children are adults now and I miss it all, every age. The inquisitiveness, everything was amazing and new, uninhibited joy and exuberance, the cuddles, everything. They were so much fun and made me see the world all over again through their eyes. I also loved the teen years immensely. It was a joy to see them developing into adults with their own opinions and dreams. We had the best conversations and I miss that. My advice is to enjoy every second you can, spend as much time with them doing different things as you can, and remember during the not so easy days that they won't last.

At the younger age DS tended to be more compliant (ND, so as long as I navigated triggers he was generally OK), more likely to go and play in a park with other kids, he skipped everywhere, went to bed earlier, found joy in simple things.

As an older child he became more anxious, less sociable, more clingy, stayed up later, more likely to argue over basic requests, wanted much more freedom than he could actually cope with, was harder work generally.

The change in attitude and compliance was the main difference.

I miss them being babies and little toots that are with you all day. Knowing they’re safe and under your roof.

I miss scooping them up off their feet and squeezing them. That's what I think of when I look at pictures of little them. I liked our chats and laughs and I liked doing all the fun kids things with them like seeing Santa and trick or treating, swimming in the summer, ice cream van. All that lovely stuff.
I like being free to do what I want to do now. There were times I longed to be able to go swimming with my arms all for me. But yeah, like another pp, I wish I'd read that extra bedtime story or let them take longer choosing what to spend their money on in the shop instead of hurrying them

I miss:

• not having to worry about bullying or emotional torment from peers.
• the weight of a sleeping 18 month old and a tiny hand in mine.
• the tiny toddler voices mispronouncing words.
• the newborn bubble.
• co-sleeping with a warm little baby.

I do not miss:

• packing a diaper bag
• hauling cheerios, crayons and yoghurt flavor raisins around in my bag
• potty training
• weaning
• bottles
• managing the competing demands of a 6 month old, a 3 year old and full time work
• the mental load of organizing a household
• tantrums
• having my marriage be pushed to the limit

My boys are 13 & 10 now and life is infinitely easier in most respects - the hardest thing has been helping 13 year old deal with bullying and changing schools. Navigating his emotions and hoping I help more than I hinder. And amongst this, hoping I'm not missing or ignoring my 10 year olds emotional needs.

Generally, I've enjoyed them more and more as they got older (neither of them were grumpy teenagers) but I do agree with the pp who missed their problems being small and solvable.

These replies are lovely. Just what I was hoping for!! Currently reading the thread whilst squished on the sofa with one small person half sat on my lap and the other under my arm. Today we've had a leisurely stroll to feed the ducks, coloured, had long hugs and no agenda. Yet lots of enthusiasm for life as someone put it. Been really lovely.

Yesterday was horrendous. So.much.crying and fighting. Neither of them could do anything right for one another and my input made it all worse😂 so I'm really glad we've had a day to top up the buckets today! Needed a reminder of how fleeting it can be and to actually hold on to some of it not be busy doing chores when they're quiet.

That being said I'll pop the phone away till later and enjoy the snuggles!

This made me smile wryly as my DD7 always thinks everything I do or say is cringe and I was just thinking today how much I miss her thinking I was the best thing ever.

Lovely post!

Yes I miss it all. I miss DS2 climbing into bed with me every night until he was about 8 and then occasionally until he was 11. In order to incentivise him to stay in ed he was allowed to "pre-book" a night with me. I do miss that.

Mine are adults too and I am immensley proud of them and still enjoy their company.
They are hugely appreciative of anything I do to help, they still hug every time and never say goodbyw without saying I love you.

I miss being able to suggest a simple weekend outing, everyone being excited about it and having a lovely day with nobody wanting to go home because their friends were doing something more fun! Also, Christmas magic, Bonfire night and not having to worry about public exams. I do not miss poo, swimming lessons and class WhatsApp groups 😁

Physically picking him up, whether scooping him out of the bath or just in general. I used to pick him up and throw him on the bed, he used to love that, or swinging him around, turning him upside down, that kind of thing. Reading a book for him. Cosleeping. Having him in the shopping trolley. Not having to hold back on affection in case of embarrassing him. Walking along hand in hand. Being able to fix everything. Being able to tell him he looks lovely/smart without him groaning.

This.. I miss these moments.. currently both are abroad (separately) and I have the flat to myself which only happened when they were at their dad's. I miss them 😢
Yes it was hard, the constant attention, the drudgery of cooking/cleaning/homework/driving to hobbies/friends etc but the reward of cuddles, inane chat😀, having their friends over, the excitement of going out to cinema/event. I even miss the school run when they were mostly silent except for the odd profound statement every so often. In their joy/excitement at new experiences I was feeling it too. It goes way too fast. I wish I had done more/ spent more time with them tbh.

This! My dd is rude little madam in front of her friends

There's not much I miss but they did look cuter with their little round faces!

Adorable as adults too, love them all to bits at any age (but may have liked them more or less at certain ages)...

One of the things I miss the most is doing stuff like trips to the playground or woods or museum or whatever - just us or with friends. Just hanging out with other kids and mums, especially in the school holidays. Obviously we still do fun things and see friends etc, but it's not the same and I really miss it.

The thing I don't miss at all is the bloody awful bedtimes, which went on for far too many years. Sometimes I think how lovely it would be to go back in time and spend a day with little DS... but it would need to stop before bedtime!