To finally stand up to my EX

[Oneday24]

I left my marriage 4 years ago, it was miserable and I wanted a better life for my kids. I stayed for longer than I should because i knew how nasty he would be and how difficult he would make my life. And of course that’s exactly what he’s done.

He made me sell the family home as part of the divorce. I couldn’t bare his constant threats, him dictating that I couldn’t have any visitors in ‘his home’ (he had moved to a new home) he would turn up whenever he felt like it even though I was paying the mortgage and all of the bills. I had no privacy and felt under surveillance. He refused to provide his income for the consent order and made a random low figure up. I didn’t fight it because i just wanted to cut all ties. The order was accepted and we split the house proceeds 50/50, he’s since gone on to buy another house.

For all of this time he will only see the kids one night per week, he drops them off the next morning so has them for a total of 12 hours.

He’s openly admitted in the past that he isn’t bothered that this arrangement means i never get a break as this is the ‘path I chose’.

He often cancels at the last minute and offers no alternatives, if I dare object to this he just shuts me down.

He doesn’t provide any clothing and refuses to do so, he pays £150 a month for both kids which barely covers the school costs for one.

He has a good life, weekends away. He’s out every Saturday and goes to the gym daily. He will not come to a compromise or discuss a fairer agreement. I tried to message him this week to say it needs to change and as usual he has threatened me, blackmailed me and told me he doesn’t have ‘time for my nonsense’ and if I do go to CMS he will ‘cause war and only the kids will suffer so I need to think long and hard’.

Ive used the CMS calculator and he should be paying £550 a month based on his earnings which doesn’t include extra income I know he gets. I feel sick thinking about the consequences but I can’t live like this anymore. AIBU to stand up to him or am I just going to make life even harder?

Go cms. Change your number or Block him and give him an email address instead for communication.

Go for CMS and report all his behaviour to the police. Basically you are standing up to him and for yourself.
The police may or may not do anything but at least all the evidence is registered with them. Equally they may have a strong word with him at the minute and that will contain things.

Since he pays sod all and does even less what have you got to lose.

Go to the CMS and get the ball rolling.

He is a bully and he is trying to control you still. You need to show hi. And your kids that you will not accept being treated like that.

Depending on what the threats are I would also contact women's aid and the non emergency police jumber to report them just to be safe.

A complete prick more like.

What on earth does going to war even mean? He sounds ridiculous OP. Realistically there is nothing he can do to make the kids suffer apart from refuse to see them and I would put money on him not doing this. He won’t want you to control the narrative.

Go to CMS. Stop responding to his texts. Only communicate when it’s something you need to know. Keep it factual and absolutely never get involved in anything emotive or conversational.

Him: “You’re such a bitch blah blah blah. If you go to CMS I’m going to make the kids suffer”.

You (two days later): “Are you still picking the kids up from school on Friday as usual”?

He won’t be reasonable. He’ll never do anything to make yours or the kids lives easier.

What kind of threats? Because if he's threatening violence, you go to the police. The law applies to him whether he's "afraid" of it or not.

And yes, obviously do the CMS thing. If he has to pay, he has to pay; he can make all the fuss he likes, but you don't need to take any notice.

You talk about him like you're a child and he's your dad or something; like he has some sort of authority over you. He doesn't. Yes, obviously you need to stand up to him. And ignore his texts etc. Your kids will learn from your example how to treat women / what sort of treatment women should accept. It's time to grow a backbone.

Really, he sounds ludicrous. "Reprimand" you? What happens next - he gives you detention. He'll "create war"? How do you go to war against the CMS, exactly? Laugh at him, and start the CMS process.

Just wondering ... who would vote you are being unreasonable??!