AIBU for feeling soo upset about this?

[RoxyAlex77]

My father has invited a stranger into my house for 10 days -she is the daughter of some friends of his - I haven't met his friends either. I have moved to a different country 16 years go and my relationship with him is not close. I am expected to pick her up/ drop her off to the airport, shop and coook for her, take her out sightseeing. 😣

Exactly this.

OP - sometimes if your parent was bullying or overbearing, it can be hard to realise as an adult you can just say no. You don’t have to do what they want just because they are your parent. You don’t have to be obedient.

you live in a different country, even if your home country it would be normal to do this, you can still say no. It’s allowed. It’s an option.

take a deep breath and call/email to say no. Remember you are no longer parent and child, as an independent adult you are his equal and he has no right to allocate your time or home to someone else. I’m sure you’d consider it rude to do this to your dad, so he can’t do this to you.

Say no!

So your dad has randomly told someone you don’t even know that they can come and spent a ten-day holiday with you and that you will be entertaining them? That’s outrageous, of course tell him no. Do you work? Have a family of your own? If so how on earth would you be able to accommodate any of this?

Oh and all the posters saying “just say no” should hopefully mean you realise that this isn’t normal to do. It’s ok to say no to your parent when you are an adult. It’s normal to be asked not told and normal for when asking to accept no might be the response.

if you have been brought up to believe you have to do what your parent wants, that’s hard to fight against, but see everyone else would just say no and expect to be able to say no without a massive drama. (And given your dad lives in another country, the drama will be limited/easy to ignore.)

Why would you even consider doing this?
"Er dad, that's really weird and inappropriate. No, that's not ok."

Why are you allowing this? Are you a young adult or older ? What is the backstory to this

It’s a weird thing of him to ask of you. But you make the final decision. Say no I’m not doing that and don’t engage in any conversation with the friends daughter if he gives you her number.

Does your father live with you?
I think it would help if you’d explain why you haven’t just said no.

So he's mentioned his daughter lives in x country and the daughter of his friends has said oh that's nice I fancy a holiday there and he's said she can go and stay with you!

You say no and you contact his friends and say that the girl/woman is not go coke and your father had no right to make these arrangement without your consent.

If you are already not close, then I'd say this seals the deal. He barely knows you and this is extremely disrespectful of him to just dump this on you. Id tell him it isnt happening and if he is difficult about it then I'd mute him on everything and ignore him for as long as it took

Use your words and say no.

Oh yes!! He tries to control with money, and if that doesn't work he tries to intimidate with shouting, constantly going on and on about trying to get me to do something his way, it is hard to explain his tone of voice is so menacing you end up complying just to make it stop. This is how he treated me and my mother all through my childhood, I am grateful that I have my health I can work and support myself so I don't depend on him in any way.. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. Seeing everyone's comments I do wonder why do I put up with him?😣 We are all brainwashed I guess that we owe our parents for something. Thank you for posting it makes me feel better

Does he live with you?

So have you told him it isn’t happening?

I am reading so much about boundaries should start applying them

It is a good question, why I just didn't say no. Because I care about what my other family members would say if I stop any contact with him. Because Xmases would be awkard,because this is what he has done to me and my mum all his life. Because he made me feel quilty I live far away and I cannot look after him as it is my duty to do so. He said that these people are going to look after him when he is old. That is my father he doesn't do anything nice or just out of kindnesd. He has to gain something out of it Those people are in no way obligated towards him and certainly won't be just because their daughter spent 10 days with me

She is coming over next week. But thank you for being supoortive it does make me feel better

For goodness sake, tell him and her you're not available

I assume you are an adult?

Who's house is it? If it's his then I'd say I can't stop her staying but you need too be here too look after your guest! If it's your home then say no way dear father!

So you didn’t refuse?

Why? Saying no to him wouldn’t necessarily lead to NC. If he goes NC with you that’s his choice.

I can’t decide if you are a martyr or what’s going on, seeing as you have been living an independent life for many years. It’s very odd.

Just say no ffs.

I've had a blood relative living with me for 5 months now and it is bloody hard. Don't do it.

You can still say no. She can find a hotel or Airbnb.

OMG. Shut this shit down now.

Xmas is a crock of shit anyway. Cut the apron strings.