Part of being an adult is ensuring the house is secure, right?

[planAplanB]

Just gone downstairs to find the back gate still hooked wide open and the back door unlocked. STBEXH just went up to bed and left it like this. I'd already gone up so if I hadn't have gone down, our house would have been open to anyone during the night. Our children's bedroom is on the ground floor. AIBU to be pissed off over this?? My father drilled into me that the last person to bed secures the house.

Yanbu.
My ex used to do this. Front door left ajar with small children in the house, windows downstairs left open overnight, electric hob left on overnight... it drove me mad. The thoughtlessness for our children's safety made me incredibly angry.
If he's soon to be an ex will he be moving out? You definitely have the right to be pissed.

I'd lose the plot with this- how bloody irresponsible! In this house the front and back doors are always locked. If you open it to go out you lock it behind you. The day we moved in next door neighbour warned us they had a spate of walk ins and bags/car keys had been pinched.
I always make sure the house is secured before bed- I am the last person to bed 99% of the time but I trust DH and adult DS to lock up if I'm not there- the day DS got his own doorkey (aged maybe 10/11) he followed this to the letter. Glad he is a STBEXH

Thanks. I just needed to vent. No, he's not moving out due to finances ☹️

My ex used to do this. Drove me mad!

Ugh this reminds me of my ex. Front door left unlocked/open, ranchsliders left unlocked. Once I took the kids away for a few days, and he also went away (somewhere else) after we left. Came home first to find the upstairs balcony doors were left wide open for three days, not just an invitation to burglars but thank goodness it didn’t rain in that time!!

Surely this depends on whether it’s that risky. I don’t always lock my doors where we currently live. There hasn’t been a burglary in years.

Your house insurance probably doesn't cover you if you don't practice basic security like locking doors overnight.

Not even about being an adult - it's being responsible. Not unreasonable to be mad, but I wouldn't go crazy. I have forgotten to lock the door before now after a late shift, only realised in the morning. It was an accident and it happens. If it's a one off then maybe have a word.
and let him know how concerned you are. If it's happening all the time despite you mentioning it, that's different.

he is moving out due to finances?
bit odd
he is irresponsible with finances?

Last to bed is ok but why not give yourself peace of mind and do your own lock-up routine earlier in the evening when you’re all settled in? Is that possible?
Clearly you can’t trust STBEX so that might be a solution?
Id be furious too.

I frequently forget to lock my doors, however I have a dog who would rip apart any nighttime intruder for daring to disturb his sleep. If you don’t have a reliable anti intruder deterrent then you really should be remembering to lock the doors.

He's not moving out due to finances.

oh i am sorry, too early,

due to finances he is NOT moving out.
but he is irresponsible

YANBU he sounds so inconsiderate and irresponsible.

I used to live in a houseshare with me and one woman on the ground floor and two guys on the upper floor. One or both of the guys used to leave the back door ajar then go upstairs and I’d come out and be fuming.

If anyone or anything had got in they’d have probably entered my room first or the other girls bedroom as it was closest to front door. Hated living with those guys. They were also incredibly messy in the kitchen and bathroom.

I’ve been reminding my DP to start locking the doors during the day. Not because of crime as we are somewhere very safe but our toddler can open doors now. The other day a carer got the wrong house and let herself in while I was sitting in the lounge in my dressing gown and not a lot else breastfeeding. Yanbu.

I would say you are both adults and both responsible for locking the doors at night.

Mine once left the front door unlocked with the keys in the outside of the door all night.

Also multiple other examples of him not locking the front door late at night (comes home from work late) or leaving for work when the rest of us are out and i arrive home to an unlocked door.

We've had MANY arguments about this. I send him lots of reminders which i hate doing but have no choice.

He can be careless and absent minded especially when tired or distracted.

Not if one is already in bed asleep

He is NOT moving out as we can't afford this so have to live together but seperated.

Yes I normally do but I went up so early last night. I just hope he remembers to lock up properly when we eventually live separately and he has the kids for some of the time.

I hate living with men too, well my husband. He's so messy

I should be allowed to have an early night and not worry about the door being left unlocked though.

Unless you have a dog or something I don't see why if you locked it before you go up it would need to be unlocked again.

Doesn’t solve the underlying issues but could try this to help security

• door locks set up in a way the door can’t then be opened on the outside with a key (but it’s not technically locked so wouldn’t be covered under insurance if someone got through with a credit card type card or similar opening mechanism)
• ring or blink lights with cameras - easy to install if you have an existing light

Because we have stuff outside that he would go to before going up himself.