Newborns 6 weeks vs 2 weeks

[NewMumSleep]

My newborn is just under 2 weeks (11 days). First baby, c section, breastfed. DH has been at home on paternity leave and very hands on and helpful. We live abroad, moved recently, we have zero support. No good friends to offer real help. Family is 18 hour flights away.

DH goes back to work at 4 weeks. Just found out he needs to travel for work when baby is 6 weeks, and he'll be away for 2 weeks. He will be a 12 hour flight away so cannot come back in an emergency. Travel is not normally part of his job so we were not prepared for this.

I am totally and completely overwhelmed by the idea. Maybe I'm too sleep deprived but it's going to be horrible, isn't it? Do babies get easier by 6 weeks? Or will baby still be cluster feeding, barely sleeping but just even bigger with louder cries? I can handle the daytime but I'm terrified of the nights alone. The cluster feeding is a killer. I am hallucinating from sleep deprivation sometimes.

It seems too soon. Please tell me what to expect, at the moment this is putting a huge damper on what is otherwise a tough but beautiful time.

Sorry to say but mine were still feeding almost hourly at 6 weeks but they both had tongue tie and reflux and needed holding a lot. Some of the nct babies were down to 1 night feed by them and napping well in the daytime. Mine napped a lot in stretchy slings- hours at a time but would only do 20mins if put down so I'd use them for the supermarkets or appointments.

By 6 weeks though you'll feel a lot stronger physically and be a lot more confident in recognising babies needs. It'll be hard, 2 weeks will fly by but each day will feel long!

I would try and schedule visits from friends/ family. And tbh if no one is able to then I'd try and throw money at the situation- a night nanny of funds allow or a mother's help for a few afternoons who can clean up a bit hold baby for you to nap/ shower/ eat.

I'm expecting my 3rd and would feel OK being felt now at 6 weeks but with my first I'd have been terrified. You'll be OK, you can just live in pjs if you need to.

Get your husband to help prepare now. If you can't batch cook get in some decent ready meals so you do have something quick to eat. Make sure you have someone who can pop in if you get overwhelmed.

I found my babies easier by 6 weeks. They'd developed a more predictable pattern of naps and fed more at once so the gaps got longer. At six week baby is getting more responsive and starting to smile which makes it feel more worthwhile.

Make sure there is nothing urgent to do but try to get out each day too. Then you can relax and sleep when you can.

There is a growth spurt at 6 weeks so baby might feed a lot but your supply should be better by then so potentially less of those super long cluster feeds.

In my experience it all feels a bit more manageable by 6 weeks. Right now you are recovering from the birth and getting used to if all. By six weeks it will feel a little more intuitive. Of course bf newborns aren't great at routines and will periodically go through growth spurts where they do a lot of cluster feeding to call in more milk. Then it gets better for a few weeks and then another growth spurt or a cold or something and it all feels like it's gone backwards. In general though 6 weeks is about the length of time if takes for us all to adjust to a bug change and for things to feel more familiar and less scary (e.g new job, kids new school, moving house etc). I think you will be ok.

In some ways it will be tougher than having him around. In some ways it will be easier.

Sleep when baby sleeps. Do bare minimium household tasks - the kitchen probably needs a wipe, the bathroom might. Bins need dealing with. Nearly every thing else can wait.
Get the fridge and freezer stocked with easy to reheat meals.
Try and get put every day - that might just be walking to the corner shop for chocolate.

Everybody fed, nobody dead was my moto for weeks with DH away and tiny people.

For me - it's not the managing the baby part but lack of social interaction.

Are there clubs or coffee meet ups that you can go to to break up the days?

In some ways easier - my friends husband was away mon to Fri when there baby was small and she basically lived of toast in the evening and early nights - did want she wanted and got out during the day.

My baby was much easier by 6 weeks.

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They're still dead easy at that age, feed it, clean it, rock it. It's basically a tamagotchi.
You'll be fine.

I was still in the thick of it with DC1 at 6 weeks. He didn't sleep, screamed all the time, permanently attached to a boob.
DC2 was a very different experience.

No-one can tell you how it will be for you in a few weeks. But I agree with PP, get prepared, batch cook, get frozen pizzas in, whatever makes eating easy for you, sleep whenever you can, do absolute minimal cleaning and tidying (just the laundry and washing up you need).

That age is very easy. It's harder when you a toddler. A baby is portable...it's just eats, sleeps and poos. But every baby is different.....some are easy, some don't like being put down and don't sleep and are hard. Nothing you do will make them easy or hard

I don't mean this as a personal dig, but this kind of comment can be quite harmful for those who don't have easy babies.

Like OP, I was away from family and friends, had no-one else in my life who had a baby. DC1 couldn't sleep longer than 30 minutes for the first 3 months, spent hours each day screaming, could not be put down, even worse in the car.
I spent a lot of time blaming myself and crying daily because of this sentiment, that babies at this age are easy to take care of. It made me feel like a failure, when in reality I just had a tricky baby.

Can you hire in a night nurse/ mothers help etc during that time.

It's hard to say if your baby will be easy. You'll be physically stronger and more in tune with your baby which will help.

Put lots of prep in place for that time. Make sure your dh and you have stocked fridge with healthy ready meals, a clean house and anything else done that can eliminate stress.

Thanks all. The meal prep is a given, I've told DH he needs to cook and stock up the freezer and fridge for me, which he does get.

It's the night time that scares me. I'm so sleep deprived, what if I fall asleep on him or drop him? Without any breaks, I'll be shattered. And we have to do vaccinations at 6 weeks - taking him to that alone, what if he gets ill, the car breaks down etc.

Also, not sure on hiring a nanny. There's plenty of cheap childcare here but I don't feel comfortable handing a newborn to a poor young immigrant (relevant, as no background checks and they tend to be poorly paid, don't drive, are not CPR trained etc, this is not the UK and there are a lot of ethical concerns with the hired help around here I'm afraid). A good experienced nanny is hard to find - we need one when I go back to work but takes time to find one, get her a work visa etc.

For those saying toddlers are harder- maybe, but I'd have a full time nanny at that point. And unlikely to be as sleep deprived as I am now.

Again, thanks for the replies. I'm feeling very negative right now, if only i could get a good night sleep!

Can you hire a night nanny ?

edited: sorry, saw your reply.

Try not to worry too much about it now. 4 weeks is a long time in the world of a newborn. Things could be, probably will be, very different by then.

Daytime times will possibly be coming together which will allow you to catch some sleep through the day. Might there be anyone who you would trust to pop in for a couple of hours in the day to allow you to rest?

If you're afraid of falling asleep at night with the baby, consider co-sleeping while DH is away. If your baby is OK with it you could calm and sooth them next to you while both lying down.

Six weeks was definitely a point when my babies got easier.
You mentioned 6 weeks vaccinations. Could you delay them by 2 weeks? Is that a possibility that would take some stress away?

Defo fill up the freezer and fridge, get deliveries if you can but it would be good to get out and get some fresh air each day too if you.

If you don't want to hire a nanny, hire a cleaner to come in a couple of times of week instead as the place being a mess would make me feel more stressed out.

Once the baby is asleep, have a quick shower and a nap.

You'll be stronger and more confident by then, you'll be OK! ❤️

When your baby sleeps during the day, sleep/nap/rest yourself during that time. Try and get out of the house for a short walk once or twice a day. Put your baby in a bouncy chair close to your bathroom so you can see her clearly while you shower, etc.

Have you any family or friend that would come and stay with you for all or part of the two weeks if you were to pay their flights ?

Seriously, its just a baby. A much loved and wanted baby, you'll be fine, enjoy the time. And single parents hire night nannys?

Delay the vaccination until DH is back.

Don't think about nighttime - think about baby sleep. If baby drops off, you don't shower, you don't give the kitchen a wipe down, dont check mumsnet, you get into bed. You do all those other things with baby awake. In a sling if safe and required. Otherwise baby goes into a bouncy chair in line of sight of you. A quick shower while baby possibly screams is ok. The rest of the time you can chat and sing to baby, and hopefully you have the type who will cope with this for a short while.

DS1 didn't sleep in longer than 40 min stretches for months. I became the queen of 38 minuite naps for me! It's manageable. Just switch to baby rhythm, and forget the "be in bed 10-6" adulting you've been doing when someone else in the house has an office job!

Could you hire a night nurse/ nanny to help you out during that time? As it’s his work taking him away, so the family source of money, Id think throwing money at it might help?

I see what you’re saying about childcare but I would probably hire in some help during the days while your husband is away. Perhaps you could get someone to help with food prep, laundry, general sorting etc so you can try to nap if the babies naps in the day.

Lots of good tips already! Here’s three more:

• get a baby sling - I found it put my baby to sleep, and then I had some free time and free hands!
• co sleep. There’s lots of strong opinions on this. I didn’t typically let my baby co sleep except the week my husband was away, for work (she was 8 weeks) and it saved my sanity.
• try to leave the house every day, I found my baby was happier outside.

good luck! You’ll be fine 😃

My first question is how is your section wound? Does your midwife think you'll be driving by 6 weeks? Will you be able to push the pram? How easy is it to get to places where you live? Walkable?

I'd be asking DH to tell work he can't do this trip. Yes you'll survive - but as it isn't his usual work pattern I don't think he should have to. He needs to be stronger here.

I feel for you OP. A little reassurance, my 4 were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks 💐

Hire a live in nanny type person while he is away
If no family then pay for the equivalent support