Newborns 6 weeks vs 2 weeks

[NewMumSleep]

My newborn is just under 2 weeks (11 days). First baby, c section, breastfed. DH has been at home on paternity leave and very hands on and helpful. We live abroad, moved recently, we have zero support. No good friends to offer real help. Family is 18 hour flights away.

DH goes back to work at 4 weeks. Just found out he needs to travel for work when baby is 6 weeks, and he'll be away for 2 weeks. He will be a 12 hour flight away so cannot come back in an emergency. Travel is not normally part of his job so we were not prepared for this.

I am totally and completely overwhelmed by the idea. Maybe I'm too sleep deprived but it's going to be horrible, isn't it? Do babies get easier by 6 weeks? Or will baby still be cluster feeding, barely sleeping but just even bigger with louder cries? I can handle the daytime but I'm terrified of the nights alone. The cluster feeding is a killer. I am hallucinating from sleep deprivation sometimes.

It seems too soon. Please tell me what to expect, at the moment this is putting a huge damper on what is otherwise a tough but beautiful time.

You’ll be a bit more in a routine, and think of the bonus, won’t need to cook for your DH. Either do some batch cooking when he’s around or decide to have simple meals / take outs and do what you can to make life easier. Take naps when baby does. Or consider a maternity nurse to come and help for 2wks if you can afford it. My eldest slept 12-6 at 7wks, my second was over 12 months so you’ve no way of knowing that right now. You’ll manage.

DC1 at 6 weeks: peak colic (cried for 8+ hours a day/night), didn’t sleep, faltering weight, on the verge of being admitted to hospital. I wouldn’t have coped without DH there. I was put on antidepressants around the 6 week mark.

DC2: Pretty easy at 6 weeks. Fed well and slept okay. I was still sleep deprived but baby was mostly settled. I would have coped with being on my own for 2 weeks. I wouldn’t have liked it but it would have been fine.

You probably have a fair idea which camp your baby is in already.

I think you will be fine! You will see that 5 will just roll into week 6 and you’ll know your routine by then. In some ways you may even enjoy this time. I didn’t mind when my DH went back to work and I got some time with the baby on my own.

If travel is not normally part of his job is he even contractually obliged to go? Two weeks to the other side of the world on only 4 weeks notice is a massive ask from his company to be honest. He should be asking to get out of it or at least delaying it by several weeks.

6-8 weeks is typically when newborn crying peaks, and the first set of vaccinations commonly can have side effects (manageable but can be upsetting especially as a first time parent). You'll survive, of course you will, but that is the reality. There's a huge difference between an easy baby and a high needs one. Hopefully you have the former and a quick recovery

Are you able to say what country/region you are in and maybe someone from here lives nearby and can recommend a vetted nanny or even be able to pop round for a bit to be a friendly face and handhold for you?

This. My dh worked away and actually in a lot of ways it's easier. You just get into a little routine and keep your standards very low.

But you get no craic out of a baby and by around 3 o'clock every day I found myself wanting a bit of adult chat. I used to go to the little church mother and toddler groups - basically anything you pay for weekly and don't have to arrive promptly, so I could have somewhere to go for a chat if I needed it but also I wasn't just adding extra pressure on myself if we were running late or if I wanted to miss a week.

But in answer to your question, I find six weeks to be a turning point and they don't seem as newbornish by then and usually you'll feel pretty much recovered too.

It will be tough. Make sure your dh is contactable (out side work) for venting. Plan some books to read, tv shows to watch while you're feeding to help distract you. Batch cooking, lots of snacks in. Try to plan to get out most days eve if just a walk.

One positive is your hormones should be better by then so hopefully you will feel more capable than perhaps you do now

Honestly people are walking about things you can do but if travel isn’t part of his job and has been put on him last minute does your DH even need to do it?

Personally I think 2 weeks abroad when he has a newborn and it’s not a typical part of his role is unreasonable.

It's the night time that scares me. I'm so sleep deprived, what if I fall asleep on him or drop him? Without any breaks, I'll be shattered. And we have to do vaccinations at 6 weeks - taking him to that alone, what if he gets ill, the car breaks down etc.

@NewMumSleep looking up safe bedsharing and the safe sleep 7 is your friend here OP. It's not for everyone granted but being genuinely sleep deprived with no other support can be dangerous.

Bf is tough but it's also the magic cure all. Fussing? Feed them. Ill? Feed them. It'll get you through

Ooff that’s tough. I would absolutely use the time you have now to prepare.

My initial thought would be to try and find some help locally, either paid professionals or family groups, or even reach out on Facebook to local parenting groups. Explain your situation and see if you can make some connections with people now so that when your husband is away you at the very least have a place to go in the daytime, which might help make the nights feel less stressful. That’s going to be a good thing long term anyway.

I wouldn't hand a newborn over to any nanny, I meant one that would be in the house when you are too!

6 week jabs were probably the easiest for both my kids. They slept the entire day afterwards, bit grotty the next day but then fine. One of the later set was a lot worse. You can delay 6 week jabs easy enough- some covid babies had them really late.

You'll be fine. Your confidence will have grown a little by then too. You can do it.

We have no family or support network near us and my DH travels half way around the globe regularly for his job. He had 2 weeks pat leave, and then when baby was 5 weeks he was gone for a week (a 23hr flight away) leaving me with our 2yo and 5w old.

You will be fine, you will manage but you will feel like the rug has been pulled from under your feet because you won't have someone to fall back on if you need to made decisions. Trust yourself and trust you can do it.

With breastfeeding - have you tried lying down to nurse baby? It's not for everyone but look into co-sleeping and safe bedsharing. Even if you decide it's not for you, if you are that exhausted then I'd make your bed safe for co-sleeping just in case so that you're not flapping around in the middle of the night if you change your mind.

Try and get out every day. Stock up on foods that are easy to prepare and easy to eat with one hand. The microwave will be your best friend.