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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be pissed off?!

27 replies

Bestfast · 06/09/2024 20:24

It is our one year anniversary! We have two DC we very rarely get time to spend together as it is. Family have very kindly had both DC so we can have a weekend together. I have been so excited to spend time with him he has text me during the day about the beautiful meal he was going to cook us. Fast forward to the evening when both DC have been dropped off. His dad has turnt up with an anniversary card and DH has invited him to stay for dinner! So our romantic meal without DC is now a meal for three AIBU to feel really pissed off? Or should l be of been welcoming for his dad to stay for dinner?

OP posts:
BiscuitlyBoyle · 06/09/2024 20:25

Oh for goodness sake. So he not only turned up but didn’t have the grace to turn down the invitation. I don’t know who is worse, DH or FIL.

MissRachelismycoparent · 06/09/2024 20:26

Are you sure it wasn't a polite invitation and his dad didn't get the hint not to take it?

Spenditlikebeckham · 06/09/2024 20:26

My legs would be clamped shut tonight...

Alalalala · 06/09/2024 20:28

Wow, that’s crap.

Don't just fume under a polite veneer, tell them how you feel.

DownWhichOfLate · 06/09/2024 20:29

😂That’s hilarious! You should have left them to it.

virgocatlover · 06/09/2024 20:31

I'm surprised FIL hasn't eaten already, it's quite late for dinner.

Original poster
Bestfast · 06/09/2024 20:32

He came round at 6 I have gone to bed and left them to it.

OP posts:
MintyNew · 06/09/2024 20:36

Yanbu, I mean how thick is your dh? Did he not understand that the kids being away was to celebrate the anniversary? And him promising this big dinner, what did he think it was about? I would be so angry, do you think he did this purposely? I can't understand why else he would do it.

sarahzbaker · 06/09/2024 21:55

Cockwomble

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 06/09/2024 22:03

OMG! I would have gone back downstairs and said 'Look FIL I hate to be blunt, but we were supposed to be having a 'romantic' meal with just the two of us tonight, so please will you bugger off!'. I would then have told DH in no uncertain terms that if he thought he was good for a shag tonight, he's now out of luck for being such an incredible idiot!! Grrr! Bloody men!!! How thick can they get???

Alalalala · 06/09/2024 23:31

I understand you retired to your room in a state of furious annoyance (understandably!) but this was a situation where using your voice and speaking the truth was essential.

Sparklfairy · 06/09/2024 23:37

Alalalala · 06/09/2024 23:31

I understand you retired to your room in a state of furious annoyance (understandably!) but this was a situation where using your voice and speaking the truth was essential.

Honestly though I can totally see the DH sulking after FIL left and saying OP was 'rude' to his dad no matter what she said to him tbh. Night ruined either way.

If the dynamic is such that both DH and FIL think this is okay, then the OP speaking up would not have solved a damn thing.

Alalalala · 06/09/2024 23:42

It’s still important to communicate though, when others aren’t treating you with respect. Regardless of the response of others (which you can’t control) it’s vital to express your thoughts in such situations.

SomePosters · 07/09/2024 07:39

‘Hold on, fil is welcome anytime of course but tonight was supposed to be a romantic anniversary meal, just us!
we even got childcare, why don’t you come for Sunday lunch fil?’

Loopytiles · 07/09/2024 07:42

Awful, from both DH and FIL!

my father would do this kind of thing given the chance. He is a ‘company dog’ (as I hear they say in Sweden) with attachment issues!

Original poster
Bestfast · 07/09/2024 10:28

You are right talks this morning have led to it being me that has now ruined the entire weekend for being a brat

OP posts:
stayathomer · 07/09/2024 10:30

Hate to say it but I’d probably have done the same if a family member had shown up but would have been giving him a look if his had shown up😅😅😅

jeaux90 · 07/09/2024 10:35

OP you have a voice, you should have just said "FIL I was rather hoping for a quiet meal with DH" your DH and FIL are idiots but you need to speak up.

Edingril · 07/09/2024 10:35

Why didn't you say something right at the moment it happened?

Original poster
Bestfast · 07/09/2024 10:37

I did say to my DH when he rang and said he was coming over. I said really? He is not staying for dinner we do not have the DC his response was well I can’t say no to him.

OP posts:
Leafygreen84 · 07/09/2024 10:38

Everyone here is unreasonable. Your husband for inviting his dad to an anniversary dinner (wtf??) his dad for being an absolute thicko and thinking you’d want him there at your anniversary dinner (again, wtf!) and you for not saying look FIL, we were having a romantic anniversary meal tonight. Don’t mean to be rude but can you come another night?
If you’re child free why didn’t you go away for the night/weekend? What a missed opportunity!

Original poster
Bestfast · 07/09/2024 10:38

Also I am very accommodating to my FIL we have him over regularly and always include him for dinner.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bestfast · 07/09/2024 10:39

We are going away tonight..

OP posts:
pictoosh · 07/09/2024 10:40

Yanbu...why does your dh think you want to spend child free time hanging out with his dad, particularly on your anniversary?!

What a dolt. "I can't say no to him." (whines)

Ugh piss off.

AsYouWiiiiiiiiiiiiish · 07/09/2024 10:43

MissRachelismycoparent · 06/09/2024 20:26

Are you sure it wasn't a polite invitation and his dad didn't get the hint not to take it?

It's a bit spineless and weird to offer a "polite invitation" on an anniversary though... seems like an odd thing to do unless you are either thoughtless or wanting to avoid a romantic dinner.

Obviously FIL should have refused, but I don't think extending the invitation was okay either.

Also, OP shouldn't have to kick FIL out. That could strain inlaw relationships. It was her DHs responsibility to handle this.

And OP shouldn't be in the position of begging her DH to think of her and want to spend time alone with her.