to find this tedious now?

[Thisisntthowisawthisgoing]

DH and I been WFH since the pandemic. He works full time, is the chief breadwinner and therefore, justifiably, has an office. I work part time, usually around the kids, sometimes when the pre-schooler is home and occupied with something. So, with no other suitable space I tend to work at the kitchen table (it's either here or on the sofa/bed which I find very bad for posture). Trust me when I say we have tried to find me somewhere more suitable to work, esp as we're in year 4 of this now so it's not exactly a short term scenario... this is the best we can do. Both our jobs are now fully remote, and we cannot afford for me to use a paid for office space or anything. My job barely covers the childcare as it is.

However, it's so very tiresome to work in a 'thoroughfare' area of the house. If I'm sat down at a laptop, trying to focus on something, in a meeting etc none of this seems to make me inaccessible to the family...and the worst culprit is DH!!! Even the kids now recognise if there's a red sticker on mummys laptop then they leave me alone! He's continuously popping in on his way to the bathroom, getting a drink etc and no matter how many times I ask not to be disturbed there always seems to be a justifiable reason to interrupt me ('just a very quick question love!' or even very 'kindly' bringing me a cup of tea or something but then stopping for a chat). He's a really lovely man, but he's quite forgetful and this request just doesn't seem to be penetrating. I've tried wearing noise cancelling headphones, have a colour coded post-it note on the back of my laptop (i.e. green means you can talk to me, red means please kindly do not fucking disturb!) but here we are, more than 1000 days into working from home and he's just come in for a chat again, asking for clarification on some stuff i specifically told him before sitting down so he wouldn't have to interrupt me.

I have a job where I really need to concentrate on things, and if I lose the thread of what I'm doing I'll make a mistake which will either take me time to untangle or impact on others. If I was in an office there would be a meeting room I could book or a breakout space or something I could go and use so there would be a clear message not to disturb me during tricky tasks. Here...idk, maybe I could lock myself in the bathroom?! Work in the car??

The issue is, I am increasingly getting exasperated/stroppy with him, which is then rude, which then means he gets grumpy with me because I wasn't polite and I end up as the 'bad guy' in the scenario when for FOUR YEARS I've been asking to have my work respected and having that pretty basic request continuously ignored.

So...AIBU to be huffy?

YABU - there's never an excuse to be rude.
YANBU - sounds like you've been more than accommodating to try and make this work, if he doesn't like being sighed at maybe he should remember not to interrupt you!

Put a lock on the door

It's all open plan 😔

It doesn't work. There must be something else that you can do. Do you have a garden? Space for an outbuilding? A shed? Work in his office when he's not in there?

How would he react if you just went into his office for a quick question. Or to chat after bringing him a cup of tea. Could he afford to rent office space when you need to concentrate on work?

YANBU. After 4 years time with no end in sight, it’s time to get you a proper working set up. Is there not a corner of a room you could use with less family traffic? Could you divide up the office into two?

Do any of your kids have a desk in their bedroom that you could use when they’re at school? Not ideal but at least you’d be able to shut the door?

Could you work in the local library??? At least its relatively quiet

@shellyleppard I was just coming back to suggest a library, can you plan the tricky tasks for set days/times

omg that's such a good idea!! We literally just put built ins in there about a month ago and it includes a desk.

That might have solved everything. I think i was just so stuck in the routine of it having tried various scenarios before (like we have a bureau in the lounge which I thought would work but the kids are usually in the lounge so then they find it harder not to interrupt) that I just hadn't stopped to think!

Is there a local library you could use?

Also, ignore him as much as you can, and don't rise to the bait if he calls you rude.

Just refuse to argue about it. Keep your tone even and say something like "in my opinion it's rude to interrupt someone when you know they're trying to concentrate on something".

Let him fume about it if he wants. It's not your issue, it's his. You're just trying to get your work done.

That's a good one for when the kids are at preschool etc. Thanks! I tried a cafe but I got the guilts about sitting there all day so spent way too much on coffees and treats. Bad for both the waistline and budget!

He's very amiable when interrupted. The man is basically never stroppy unless I get huffy with him. I think the difference is he's interrupted less than once a week, rather than multiple times per working day.

Can you work in one of your DC's bedrooms when they're not there and have the door closed?
Do you have any family close where you could work? For example I've gone to my parents house to work a couple of times when we were getting work done on the house etc.
Working on the kitchen table really isn't great for your back and posture either, you need an adjustable chair at least. So even if your DH learns to behave it's still not great.
Is changing jobs an option? Or even taking a career break if you're only working for childcare anyway?

@Thisisntthowisawthisgoing but at least you got peace and quiet.....😁 and some yummy cake too 🤤 hope you find a solution soon x

Bloody love mumsnetters. One quick rant and you guys have suggested a library for days when the DC are out and using the kids desk when they're here and I have something quick to do.

These are such simple solutions but I think they'll really work!! I feel better already.

Thanks for not being judgemental that I was ranty, rude and stroppy but just being helpful. You're all very appreciated!

Glad you have some solutions.

I have a large open plan living room too and I created a ‘room’ with a 5x5 Kallax - nailed MDF on the back and used it as a divider and put my desk behind it against a wall.

Not perfect but helpful for when I’m WFH which I do relatively infrequently.

My first thought is if your children are quite young, use their bedroom as an office, as they won't care about the room being "theirs" yet. I don't know how many children or bedrooms you have, but I would definitely prioritise having an office over kids having their own rooms before puberty.

Second more radical idea is that DH no longer gets 100% of the office time. He earns more but so fucking what? You contribute too, and he is disrespectful of your work. Your job is important. Maybe you get the office two days, he gets it three.

As an alternative, could you squeeze two of you into your husband's office? Probably not going to work if either of you has lots of meetings, but otherwise could it be worth a try?

I would blooming love this. Sadly his work seems to require multiple screens and also loads of confidential work calls so he needs to be able to close the door.

I think using the kids room will be the winner. Could actually get an office chair too which im sure they'll love. Who doesn't like a spinny chair!

We did try, but he has meetings a LOT, and many of them confidential. The noise cancelling headphones were good to drown him out, but still felt like he needed a private space.

An operator chair makes all the difference. No way I'd have spent 4 years using a dining chair or stool. Look for a good one secondhand. I got from an office clearance on FB marketplace for a tenner.

YANBU. See if there are any local co-working spaces, or post on a local Facebook group about shared offices, and affordable desks in local businesses. DH has one and it's cheaper than a daily train ticket to work.

Have you tried working upstairs? I've managed to carve out a very small deskspace on our upstairs landing which works surprisingly well.

Be rude. I have the same scenario except the house was big enough for me to have an office. DH had so little respect for my work, he once interrupted me on a call to a colleague to mention that the washing machine was making a funny noise. This wasn't an accident, the call was scheduled, I told him about it and who I was speaking to and STILL he interrupted me, and not for the first time. I told my colleague I would call them back and I went nuts! Like fire-breathing, backing-DH-up-with-the-force-of-my-anger, NUTS! It was the only thing that got through to the arrogant sod. Work is work, regardless of what it is and how much money it brings in, it deserves equal respect. Unfortunately, my DH is one of these men that thinks only his time is valuable and his work is important. But his behaviour could have seriously impacted on me and my ability to earn. I am sure I am going to get flamed by posters who think you should never raise your voice, but terrorising that man into silence was the only thing that worked. Polite requests and serious discussions about his attitude had all failed up to that point, despite the fact that these were requests my primary school aged children were able to understand and follow.

Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees and you need an outsider to suggest a solution!

Update I'm upstairs in the kids room at the new desk. It's spacious enough for me to have a notebook next to me and has the added bonus that I can't see the washing up or laundry that needs doing. I think I could even fit a monitor and keyboard so I'm not just on a tiny laptop.

This is bliss.

Thank you so much <3