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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Might be being petty AF

69 replies

TheOddSocks · 06/09/2024 09:32

Happy to be told I'm being petty AF here but it's actually driving me mad.

I've recently started reacting to dairy so I'm trying to cut it out completely.

I've been buying DF alternatives and it seems to have been disappearing quite quickly and twice this week I have gone to make a coffee to find there is none left. Similarly I went to open DF cheese I had bought to find half of it gone.

I know I haven't finished the milk as I only use it for coffee and I know I didn't open the cheese. Everyone has denied opening it (could have been a simple mistake so was just highlighting that's it's DF). This morning I've just seen DH using the DF milk in his coffee. Why when there is normal milk he can and always has happily used is he now choosing the only one I can have.

He's obviously been the person using it and prob used the cheese and I asked him this morning to stop and he just said "ah sorry" and walked away.

I wouldn't even mind if it was for a coffee and he noticed we'd ran out of normal milk but that isn't the case. We have a shop 2 mins down the road but it doesn't sell DF so I need to either order it or jump in the car and go to the shop further away.

I know this is stupid but it's just another in a long line of unnecessary shitty behaviour that I seem to be the one impacted by.

OP posts:

Hatty65 · 07/09/2024 11:17

TheSandgroper · 06/09/2024 09:46

That’s deliberate behaviour, mate. It’s not even just marking his territory - it’s flat out refusing to allow you food that doesn’t make you ill. That’s the bit that’s making him happy.

So, now you know.

This is absolutely spot on.

He's doing in on purpose, out of spite.

TravellingJack · 07/09/2024 11:27

Short term, can you decant some into another bottle - preferably opaque - and label it as something he wouldn't touch? And hide it behind other stuff in the fridge if need be.

I also had a much older brother who would go out of his way to take or break my stuff, especially things that were clearly for me. Once had a birthday cake with a chunk missing (Mum did a decent job of disguising it tbf) where before my party that afternoon he had decided to help himself... our relationship didn't improve til we didn't live together any more.

Rory17384949 · 07/09/2024 11:33

YANBU he's being thoughtless and selfish

Just4thisthreadtoday · 09/09/2024 10:44

Demonhunter · 07/09/2024 10:42

I always have a few different milk alternative stored in the cupboard so I'd be doing that.

Also vegan cheese lasts a lot longer than dairy obviously, especially unopened. You could get a fridge lock box and put your cheese in there.

Sheese grated, blocks and slices are decent, Asda own make grated, Cathedral City grated, Cathedral City soft cheese with black pepper and spring onion is very nice, Applewood smoked cheese slices, Violife Camembert style and Lidl feta style are all pretty good. Get a selection and lock them up!

@Demonhunter

if I had to put my cheese in a lock box to stop my DH being a n inconsiderate, selfish, arsewipe - he'd no longer be my DH

Demonhunter · 09/09/2024 10:51

@just4thisthreadtoday well in fairness, that's true, I do agree with you, just looking for short term solutions for OP.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/09/2024 11:00

MolkosTeenageAngst · 07/09/2024 10:47

Maybe he prefers the taste? I’m not dairy free but I have oat milk in my tea because I prefer it, I have friends and family who are dairy free and when I go to their homes and they brew up they offer me oat or cow milk and I choose oat milk I prefer it, it wouldn’t occur to me that I should refuse the dairy free milk because they can’t have it. Just buy more of the dairy free milk so you always have a few spare cartons and don’t run out. It certainly wouldn’t occur to me if I lived in a shared family’s household that I couldn’t help myself to things in the fridge, in a family food should be communal and you just buy enough that everybody who wants to use the product can.

That said, using the dairy free cheese when you can eat regular cheese is very weird because dairy free cheese is rank 🤢

Edited

Why can't he use his voice, if he prefers it then he could tell OP and then she can buy more, to leave the OP without any when she's bought it for herself is a dick move

EdgeOfSixty · 09/09/2024 12:21

Alittlebitfluffy · 06/09/2024 09:49

Just replace it with oat milk which tastes just as good as dairy. Then you can use the same one!

@Alittlebitfluffy
My glasses need cleaning......I read your post as cat milk not oat milk.
Off to get them cleaned......

Original poster

TheOddSocks · 09/09/2024 15:19

He seems to have taken it on board. He went out to get milk on Sunday morning before the kids got to as he'd used what was left the night before.

I do think he just didn't consider me which in itself is a problem I accept that. But at least I have milk.

OP posts:

Funkyslippers · 11/09/2024 10:13

It's the lying that would piss me off the most, with him denying he'd used it till you caught him in the act

3luckystars · 11/09/2024 10:15

I’m the same and the lying would be the worst part. He knew well he did it and lied.

Sjh15 · 11/09/2024 21:38

Ahhhh
YANBU
I’ve just been diagnosed with gestational diabetes and I’ve had to buy a whole load of different stuff. I’ve had to list the stuff to DP that he isn’t allowed to touch before he eats it all!!!!

NoThanksymm · 12/09/2024 03:28

… you share groceries? Just let him. Stop buying milk milk. Clearly he’s fine with whatever alternative.

MarvellousMonsters · 12/09/2024 09:43

GlowWurm · 06/09/2024 09:37

Definitely just buy dairy-free from now on, but the bigger problem is:

it's just another in a long line of unnecessary shitty behaviour that I seem to be the one impacted by.

Yes, this is the real issue. He's being, at best, thoughtless, at worst, mean and disrespectful. What other shit like this does he do?

missjonesy · 14/09/2024 14:04

Fully understand that you feel wound up about it and it’s easy to think it’s spiteful BUT only you know what your husband and relationship is like. I know full well my partner wouldn’t have even noticed. He would just have seen milk and cheese and used it. I think communication is key here. Ask him why? It may be that he likes it better, is supporting you in the dairy free, or simply hasn’t noticed. If he is a knob about it then you have your answer. He’s a petty knob and then you deal with the answer as you wish.

Gymnopedie · 14/09/2024 15:07

I know this is stupid but it's just another in a long line of unnecessary shitty behaviour that I seem to be the one impacted by.

And the truth is you've just given him another way to be shitty. When you were all using the same milk he couldn't do it, but now he couldn't wait to use it. The fact that it has a serious impact on your health is an added bonus as far as he's concerned.

This isn't petty it's downright nasty. And PPs suggesting that he prefers the taste are being naive in the extreme.

OP you could buy nothing but your milk from now on. Well it seemed clear that he prefers it, didn't it? If he complains then he's absolutely given himself away.

Or you could start preparing to leave him.

Or both.

Edited - sorry OP I'd missed that this thread is a few days old.

WonderfulSkye · 15/09/2024 15:06

My husband has made the same mistake with DF cheese so I put it in a bag with a BIG label saying it’s dairy free - problem resolved. He doesn’t like my milk so that’s never an issue luckily.
I'd point out how much more expensive DF is and he might not be so casual about your food.

Nina1013 · 15/09/2024 15:17

I’m a bit confused. My husband has drank my dairy free milk since my allergy was diagnosed, more in solidarity than anything! Surely you just adjust how much you buy to how much is being consumed?

And anyone who willingly eats DF cheese quite frankly has earned it in my opinion. It is 🤮 and I hate that it is my only option 🤣.

Buy more so there’s enough to go round?

SauvignonBlonk · 15/09/2024 15:54

My ex used to do shit like this.
One of the reasons he’s an ex.
Can't have anything for yourself!!!!

Original poster

TheOddSocks · 16/09/2024 19:59

I think the cheese was a mistake and I'm not bothered about it really. It's the milk I have an issue with and the lying about accidentally using the cheese, just say.

I need to buy normal stuff for the kids and I'd happily buy more df milk if that's what he wanted to use but he doesn't, I've asked.

I wouldn't even be arsed if he used some but it's the finishing it and then there is then none left and he switches back to normal and I can't so it's me having to go without that seems shitty.

It wasn't a mistake, it was at best laziness. Closer in the fridge. I've moved it now so that it would be more inconvenient to get it than reach for the normal stuff he always has used and says he wants to continue using.

OP posts:

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