AIBU to feel hurt by friend I was worried about?

[ElectricLady]

If you were really concerned about a friend, tried calling her, and sent a few messages just to check if she was okay, would you expect her to block you?

I had a disagreement with a close friend, and since then, I've been really worried about her. I tried calling and sent messages asking if she was alright, but she ended up blocking me. It's left me feeling hurt, confused, and slightly anxious. I through my concern was reasonable, but now I'm questioning whether I overstepped.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How would you handle it? AIBU to feel upset by this?

I had a friend who was "worried about me" who I ended up blocking because she had the audacity to contact family members of mine and not me to share her concerns. I was very upset by it - not your situation but still. Sometimes attention to something is very unwanted.

You've fallen out and she doesn't want to hear from you, take the hint.

How many times did you call and message her in what time period?

If you fell out then 1 text and 1 call would suffice.

Multiple of both isn't on, and I would have blocked you too.

Feel hurt all you like. But she doesn’t want to hear from you.

Also, it’s not her job to stop you feeling hurt and anxious. I don’t buy that you were ‘concerned’ about her - you wanted her to assure you that she doesn’t harbour any hard feelings after your disagreement so you could stop worrying about it. That’s not the same as being concerned - that’s badgering someone to manage your uncomfortable feelings for you. This is presumably why she blocked you.

People are weird these days OP. They block rather than speaking to people or dealing with issues. I think it comes from being behind a phone and not thinking they have to face stuff.

It is very hurtful, I don’t think it sounds as if you’ve overstepped or done anything wrong. You were concerned and reaching out. They’ve done the spineless thing and blocked rather than speak to you.

Sadly it’s their issue and although it’s very rude/pathetic/hurtful there isn’t much you can do.

I called her once and sent a couple of messages over the course of a few days. I didn't mean to overwhelm her, just genuinely wanted to check if she was okay after our disagreement.

You say your concern is reasonable, so I'm assuming you were concerned about more than just your spat? As in she's having some difficulties in her life or with her mental health or something that has you worrying about her?

Sometimes people just need breathing room, especially after a falling out. She maybe felt overwhelmed, pestered or some such? It's not the most mature response, generally one would expect an "I just need a bit of space right now, I'll message you when I'm in a better headspace" but blocking you sends that same message (albeit more bluntly).

Just give her some space for now.

Thank you for understanding. I agree, some of the comments have felt quite harsh and seem to project a different perspective onto my situation. It's been really helpful to hear a more empathetic view.

I was about to say similar.

In my experience “concern” after a “disagreement” is usually a sign of someone stirring or pressing buttons.

Leave it.

@EscapingTheseFeelings

In my case it was drama and shit stirring motivation underneath the faux concern, yes

What do you mean when you say you expressed concern?

1 call followed by a text a few days later to say you've been thinking things over and you're sorry (or words to that effect) would be fine. The ball would definitely be in her court though.

Anymore than that, or asking questions, or rehashing then points you made in a row, not OK.

It possibly depends on what about and how seriously you fell out. You could be the last person she wants to hear from or she could think you’ve got ulterior motives. Give it time I’d say and see what happens.

You fell out with your friend and phoned and sent messages but not surprisingly after a row, she didn't want to speak to you. So why were you concerned or worried about her?

I can understand how contacting your family would upset you. I've had a similar experience where a friend reached out to my manager with concerns about me, which felt quite intrusive. After discussing it with her, I ended up blocking her. Sometimes, attempts to show concern can feel like an invasion of privacy. Having been through that, I make sure not to overstep boundaries with others.

Depends what the disagreement was about? Something serious or just everyday rubbish

Yes, I was concerned about more than just our disagreement. I genuinely wanted to make sure she was okay, especially as she was dealing with other difficulties. I understand that she might need some space right now, and I'll respect that. Thank you for your understanding and advice.

So you only want views which agree with your actions? That’s kind of how I interpret that statement

I guess there a number of ‘projections’ as you put it of the situations, that’s because the reality is that many of us if pissed off with someone over a disagreement would perceive your style of contact multiple times over a few days an irritation at best. If silence hadn’t abated the contact, blocking seems the next sensible non confrontational option available

I can understand why you are upset. People can be more impulsive behind a keyboard and maybe not think about the consequences.

I’d just leave her alone and concentrate on investing time and energy in other friendships. Sometime friendships change over time and don’t last the life time you thought they would, for various reasons. And that’s okay.

It will be hard if she doesn’t come back to you and you will grieve. There will be other people out there who are a better fit for you, without a trigger finger for blocking.

For me it would also depend whether it was a major disagreement. I'd have probably left it after one unanswered message tbh.

@Undisclosedlocation - OP was responding to me not you! What’s the issue with her saying thanks to someone giving a more balanced view?

It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to hear your view just that she appreciates someone saying that the issue could be with the other person.

Depends how serious the disagreement was and what was said. It's impossible to judge without that context.

It sounds like there's been a culmination of things that they don't want to deal with anymore.
It's best to move on.