AIBU to feel hurt by friend I was worried about?

[ElectricLady]

If you were really concerned about a friend, tried calling her, and sent a few messages just to check if she was okay, would you expect her to block you?

I had a disagreement with a close friend, and since then, I've been really worried about her. I tried calling and sent messages asking if she was alright, but she ended up blocking me. It's left me feeling hurt, confused, and slightly anxious. I through my concern was reasonable, but now I'm questioning whether I overstepped.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How would you handle it? AIBU to feel upset by this?

Maybe you were blocked as hint to stop contacting them?

How would I handle it?

I'd leave her alone.

At the moment she doesn't want to hear from you and that's fine. If and when she does want to be in contact then she will. In the meantime move on and go about your own life.

She's made it clear that she doesn't want anything to do with you.

You may have had the best intentions in being concerned and wanting to check on her, but from her perspective, you fell out and then kept messaging her, so she blocked you. You say she had other difficulties to deal with and you won't have helped with those with the disagreement, so she doesn't need the aggro. Take it as a sign that she's looking after herself and you don't need to worry.

Hi OP, I'm surprised by the direction many of these comments have gone. I do agree that quite often we do want to check in to appease our own discomfort, but even still some of these comments are very harsh.

I think it's tricky answer your question easily because it depends on the depth of the friendship and the cause of the disagreement.

It certainly doesn't sound like you've overdone it, but for all we know you just slated her and her family and she wants out!!! I doubt that's the case but you get what I mean!

I hope the underlying causes for your concern pass quickly for her, and that she unblocks you when she is able.

Having been in the position of the "friend" that has blocked you I would be interested to hear their side because I guarantee there is more to this.

In my case said friend was spamming with messages and then getting shitty if I didn't respond instantly. Despite knowing that i would be at work, or was chaperoning a dance competition for dd so had no access to my phone.

When I didn't reply she sent abusive messages calling me a bitch etc. I didn't rise and just blocked her because at 43 I cannot be bothered with playground drama.

It won't be as straight forward as you are portraying!

Jesus what kind of friends do you have? I have never ‘reached out’ to anyone else about a friend nor have they done to me

I had a good friend do this, I was unwell and had to take time off work, it was suspected I had multiple sclerosis. This friend hounded me, desperate to know what was wrong and why I was off work. This was already a really stressful situation and I didn't owe her an explanation. She was nosy under the guise of concern 🙄 It turned out it was ms and because of her "concern" I lost my friend! When you over step it's impossible to try and step back! Normally if friends want you to know something they will tell you!

It really depends on what you did to upset her, in terms of whether you’re being unreasonable. Irrespective of this however, has blocked you because she does not wish to remain your friend and as such, you just have to accept it and step away.

Sounds like you did something out of line, enough to fracture her view of your friendship and either haven't attempted to or can't fix it.

You then either apologized (but what you said/did was deemed too bad to be forgiven) or you have not apologized (probably most likely) and the friendship is now done.

I think most people will have encountered this at some point in life, when someone 'attacks' you verbally/personally and then just laughs or shrugs it off as a 'disagreement', 'just a joke' or 'their opinion' and never admits fault but wonder why the other person 'took it so badly'. If they took it so badly they will throw away a whole friendship then you need to look at why you did something so wrong they deemed it necessary no go contact.

I HATE when someone insults you then goes straight back to pretending your friends, no not anymore.

An IL did it too me when they got drunk and berated me at a family wedding that I was a 'bad mother' for having a kid out of wedlock (like my relationship or fertility is any of their god damn business, not even anything about my parenting just my lack of being married at the time) and how unwed mams should have their kids taken away. Then they literally went straight back to trying to pretend nothing happened the next day.

They have still never properly apologized and if they did I still wouldn't magically forget the nasty things they said. Instead of apologizing they just said its 'their opinion' as if that makes it acceptable and while I'm not going to cause any drama (couldn't be arsed), yes my view of them has completely changed.

I'll be polite for others sake at family events with them and respond to comments about the weather and other trivial stuff but I will never trust them or be their actual 'friend' again. Them being upset that I'm not instantly forgiving and as friendly with them anymore is not my issue to have to fix, its consequence of action.

It’s hard to say if you are BU with the details of the disagreement

Yo, leave your friend alone. They're probably just a bit annoyed with you. You're being too full-on and a bit controlling by pestering them. You're more likely to push them away if you keep this up.

You had a disagreement, then called her once and sent a couple of messages to check she was OK after your disagreement - the call went unanswered and the messages weren't replied to. I would take it from that, she's not OK after your disagreement and isn't interested in responding. Now she's blocked you. Do you think she may have been expecting an apology from you and didn't receive one? Whatever the disagreement, or who was right/wrong - you need to accept that she doesn't wish to have any contact with you. I think blocking someone is immature, it's what teenagers do. Grown adults should be able to have a conversation. In some circumstances that's not possible and blocking is the only option though. It's sad a friendship has come to an end, but unfortunately it happens.

If you are that concerned go and see her face to face. Nothing beats personal interaction. That way you'll either resolve the matter and continue your friendship or you'll draw a line under it and both move on.

Don’t go and see her in person! How much clearer can she be she doesn’t want to hear from you? You didn’t take the hint when she ignored you; she had to block you.

There’s not much you can do if she won’t talk to you so I’d just let it go and move on. These things happen.

Good God, don’t do this.

In real life we would just have to ignore phone calls or avoid people. It’s the same thing. People do not have a right to our attention just because they want it, regardless of the reason. Sometimes we don’t face things head on and immediately because we can’t, for various reasons. We do not have to put our own mental health at risk for someone else’s benefit. Ever.

@cockadoodledandy you can still be a grown up and give someone a short explanation. Otherwise you are just causing someone else mental health issues instead. Cowardly.