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AIBU?

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Original poster

School not letting my child from the school

844 replies

Kutika · 05/09/2024 15:59

I have read numerous discussions where people mention that schools cannot legally prevent a child from leaving, yet I find myself in this exact situation. The school is refusing to allow my child to leave, despite my clear instructions. I've sent an email, filed a complaint with the trust, and even contacted the police, but to my surprise, none of these actions have resolved the issue. I was told by the head teacher that the law does not apply to them. Any ideas on who to contact?

OP posts:
Errors · 05/09/2024 17:22

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 05/09/2024 17:20

Is everyone missing the recent news that a group of kids beat up and killed an elderly man? It's not outside the realm of possibility that nine year old girl would be a target. That is not the same thing as never allowing a child independence

I’ve heard of this and it was a horrible and terrifying story.
However, bringing up your kids to be afraid of the world and never allowing them any freedom or independence is detrimental to their development. Stories like this, whilst incredibly shocking and sad, are rare. The world isn’t as dangerous as people make it out to be. There aren’t murderers and kidnappers hiding behind every corner and many parents these days seem to under protect their kids online (where they definitely need protection) and over protect in real life

KendraTheVampyrSlayer · 05/09/2024 17:23

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 05/09/2024 17:12

@Reugny seeing the state of the uk today there is no chance a child that young should be walking home alone!!

It's 300 yards away with no roads! Do you not let your children play out? Go the corner shop?

SilenceInside · 05/09/2024 17:23

@Kutika the school won't be making a profit from the after school club, it may even be an outside agency that runs it. Schools are not legally allowed to profit from charges to parents. If you think that's what they're doing, I'd add it into your complaint.

KnickerlessParsons · 05/09/2024 17:23

In case it helps, in Guiding, if no one came to collect a child at the end of a meeting, and we can't get hold of a parent, our instructions are to call the police who will call social services.

cardibach · 05/09/2024 17:24

Errors · 05/09/2024 17:20

I agree!
How are we supposed to allow children to have some much needed and appropriate independence with policies like this in force?!

Show quote history

Well known fact you can never let your child have independence in any other way than walking home from school... Let them do what you are comfortable with when they are leaving your care to do it and accord the same respect to the school.

Original poster
Kutika · 05/09/2024 17:24

SleepyRich · 05/09/2024 17:21

Our school allow our 8 year old to walk home without being collected but we had to write a letter confirming that (again short walk no major roads and we have confidence that she can accomplish this safely/she is happy to do so & normally goes with friend who lives on our street).

It's not about being too lazy to collect it's about assisting your children to develop their independence - parents should be able to judge what's appropriate for their own children.

Send them something like:
I am writing to clarify my expectations regarding my daughter, and her ability to walk home from school on her own. After careful consideration, I have determined that daughter is responsible and capable of managing the journey home independently. As her parent, I am confident in her ability to do so safely, and I formally request that she be allowed to leave school at the end of the day without the need to be collected by an adult.

I recognise that the school has its own policies, but as her parent, I am the one who ultimately decides what is best for my child. Therefore, I expect my decision to be respected. If there are any specific concerns regarding this arrangement, I am open to discussing them, but I want to make it clear that my decision on this matter is final.

Furthermore, I have been made aware that daughter has been placed in the after-school club without my consent, and I have been expected to cover the associated costs. To avoid any confusion, I want to be very clear: I have not requested or authorised her participation in the after-school club, and I will not be responsible for any charges related to this.

If you should call again asking me to collect her, I will simply be reminding you of my decision. I would appreciate it if you did not delay her departure, as it is preferable for her to be walking home at the normal time and not later in the evening."

There will likely be a couple of stand offs- just firmly polite over the phone - I'm not sure why we're having this conversation again, she's to walk home. If they're so aggrieved they'll make a safeguarding report but that wouldn't come to anything if it's as you've described.

I already did this. My husband had a meeting yesterday with the Head Teacher as she met him by the entrance. Today there was another visit from Her. Because the issue was reported to their trust. They do not want to compromise. She even said that the Law does not apply.

OP posts:
DelilahRay · 05/09/2024 17:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the request of the user.

OakTree16 · 05/09/2024 17:25

Yabu. Most schools around here, including the one I work in, allow children to walk home from summer term in year 5 when the lighter nights start. If they make an exception for you, they have to make exceptions for others. If you can’t pick your child up, then you pay for childcare.

TwinklyAmberOrca · 05/09/2024 17:25

@Kutika surely you just get another parent to "walk her home"?

My friend used to walk my 7 year old twins up the road as I couldn't quite get to school for pick up and the ASC was expensive!

greengreyblue · 05/09/2024 17:26

Leave at the end of the day or leave the school entirely?

Reugny · 05/09/2024 17:26

Ponderingwindow · 05/09/2024 17:22

We had something like this with reception. They had a system where the children were brought out and handed off to parents, but it didn’t work for our dd because of motor difficulties. We needed to get her at a different door. She could have easily come out that door with the one year older students, but that was against policy, so we had to arrive early, get buzzed into the building, and meet her in the office and walk out the door with her. It was silly and meant I had to adjust my workday by about 15 minutes, but I just did it because there was no point in fighting the school over this.

There will be much bigger and more important battles to fight. If you fight them on the small things, they won’t take you seriously on the big ones.

4/5 year olds are at a different developmental stage to 9 year olds.

cardibach · 05/09/2024 17:26

Kutika · 05/09/2024 17:22

This is what I think as well. If they will allow to walk others will might want to do the same. Lost revenue!!!

Show quote history

Most after school clubs are run by private companies, not the schools, so no.

Original poster
Kutika · 05/09/2024 17:26

KnickerlessParsons · 05/09/2024 17:23

In case it helps, in Guiding, if no one came to collect a child at the end of a meeting, and we can't get hold of a parent, our instructions are to call the police who will call social services.

I have spoken with the police when the school is refusing the let my child walk home. To my surprise, it was mentioned that it's not a police matter.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 05/09/2024 17:27

I don’t see why a Y5 child can’t walk home alone.
Are you saying that the policy they refer to isn’t actually in existence or available?
Policy is not law.
Have they said why they are being difficult? Maybe there have been issues previously and they don’t want the finger pointing at them should there be a mishap.
Do they think you might blame them if something goes wrong? If you’ve called the police, it doesn’t sound like the relationship between you is good, if there is no trust there then they are not going to make an exception for you.
Is there a reason why you don’t want to accept what they say?

CustardySergeant · 05/09/2024 17:27

Kutika · 05/09/2024 16:58

This is the reason they do not allow it to be an adult. I have contacted their trust and asked for their advice it was mentioned that they have no problem with the child walking home.

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I'm so confused. "They do not allow it to be an adult" - 'it' meaning the person who collects your child? If they don't allow it to be an adult who do they allow? 😕

greengreyblue · 05/09/2024 17:28

I work in primary. We allow walking home alone from Year 6.

Reugny · 05/09/2024 17:28

Kutika · 05/09/2024 17:24

I already did this. My husband had a meeting yesterday with the Head Teacher as she met him by the entrance. Today there was another visit from Her. Because the issue was reported to their trust. They do not want to compromise. She even said that the Law does not apply.

Show quote history

Just be more bloody minded.

BTW if you are lucky a newspaper will pick up this thread.

If they do contact them and tell them the name of the trust and school. They will enjoy the negative publicity. 😀

XiCi · 05/09/2024 17:28

You called the Police? Jesus I've heard it all now. You say someone is always at home at that time so who is there? Do you and DH work from home? If it's 300 yards away surely it would take 5 minutes for one of you to collect her. Or is it the case that actually there isn't anyone at home and you just get in around that time

Rocksaltrita · 05/09/2024 17:29

But the school is not allowed to keep your child against your will. Surely that’s kidnap?! What is the HT on? They literally do not have a legal right to do what they’re doing. I’d be tempted to go to the LEA and the press.

Reugny · 05/09/2024 17:29

CustardySergeant · 05/09/2024 17:27

I'm so confused. "They do not allow it to be an adult" - 'it' meaning the person who collects your child? If they don't allow it to be an adult who do they allow? 😕

Show quote history

I think the OP means they don't allow it to be a child.

My DDs primary state the person who does pick up must be over 16.

greengreyblue · 05/09/2024 17:29

Having said that, I’m sure our head would allow your circumstances. As so close, no roads Dad at home.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 05/09/2024 17:30

KnickerlessParsons · 05/09/2024 17:23

In case it helps, in Guiding, if no one came to collect a child at the end of a meeting, and we can't get hold of a parent, our instructions are to call the police who will call social services.

Not quite true

If a parent had said they were allowed to walk home as this parent has then we would let them go

Procrastinates · 05/09/2024 17:30

Kutika · 05/09/2024 17:26

I have spoken with the police when the school is refusing the let my child walk home. To my surprise, it was mentioned that it's not a police matter.

Show quote history

You really wasted police time on this?? Hmm

Original poster
Kutika · 05/09/2024 17:30

OakTree16 · 05/09/2024 17:25

Yabu. Most schools around here, including the one I work in, allow children to walk home from summer term in year 5 when the lighter nights start. If they make an exception for you, they have to make exceptions for others. If you can’t pick your child up, then you pay for childcare.

This should not be the case. What about parenting and their responsibilities? So if I decide to go on holiday for two weeks why do I have to pay the fine? So why does the school over rule the Law??

OP posts:
cardibach · 05/09/2024 17:30

Kutika · 05/09/2024 17:26

I have spoken with the police when the school is refusing the let my child walk home. To my surprise, it was mentioned that it's not a police matter.

Show quote history

It’s not a police matter that school has a policy to require parents to collect children. It may be a police matter if parents don’t pick up their child.