Husband won’t use the bloody phone

[littleredbumblebee]

It’s starting to get on my nerves now. When I say he won’t use the phone I mean to ring companies and businesses. He has spent 4 hours today trying to sort things out online: things that would be easy solved if he just rung the bloody places. He wants to add to his car insurance policy and he can’t find out online if the cover he has found with cover him for everything he needs. I said ring and ask but he won’t. He now says he is not bothered as it’s too much hassle. 4 hours on line for something that could have been solved on a five minute phone call- and he still has not found the answer online. I just know he will do it all again tomorrow.

he hates using the phone and it’s always me who phones places but some things like his own car insurance he needs to sort himself. He will find the answer eventually but it will take 2 bloody days as oppose to 5/10 minutes

before people ask he is perfectly fine is all other aspects of life. It just the phone

I hate using the phone, I have severe anxiety... but sometimes it has to be done as an adult in the real world.

I personally write a script and have it in front of me with my "intro", all the relevant info and also answers to some questions I think they may ask me.

It MASSIVELY helps

I have alot of sympathy with him. I hate using the phone too. It really only came on after having kids for me.

It’s the idea of how tying it is during the time you’re on it, and how time consuming it is. For me, anyway.

You can’t really do anything else whilst you’re on it either.

It’s an anxiety disorder, I massively struggle with making random phone calls, even if it’s just reserving a table. On the other hand, I can arrange (via email) a video call with a client about a complex topic and I’ll be totally fine.

Thankfully my husband is the exact opposite and always uses the phone if it is an option.

Loads of people are like this now: calls can save so much time if you can get through

I have great sympathy for your husband. I have ASD and the phone is a huge source of stress for me. Something as simple as booking a hair appointment uses up a huge amount of energy.

I do absolutely everything online if possible. I will choose a business that allows me to do things online over one that does not.

My husband is like this, “oh I’m sure they’ll have a live chat/FAQ/email to ask”. Never picks up the phone unless he’s absolutely exhausted every other option!

Phone calls save so much time. I will ring people who message me just so I can get the matter sorted with a proper two way conversation.

He's not alone, but if he's not that bothered, leave him to it. It's his time that's being wasted (presuming you don't have to listen to him going on about it).

something that could have been solved on a five minute phone call-

I don't think I have ever rung a company for anything that was too complicated to do online and had it be a 5 minute phone call.
For a start, it's generally at least half an hour, if not an hour, before you actually get through, then you get transferred between multiple departments, then you get cut off and have to ring back and go through the whole palaver again.

So I have a lot of sympathy with your husband. I would rather spend a prolonged time trying to do something myself than engage in "phone call roulette".

Ooh, am I your husband?

Bloody hate using the phone. Fine with face to face, fine on a video call, fine messaging on Whatsapp or Messenger or sending an email.

But whatever reason, having to phone someone shits me right up. It's not even the phone call itself, its the having to make it. If I make one and someone has to call me back, I'm absolutely fine waiting for their call, answering the call.

It's just the bloody making the call in the first place. I will exhaust absolutely every other avenue I possibly can before I make that call. It's irritating as hell, I want to just make that call and get it sorted. Can't fucking do it though.

To be fair to him, it is 100 times faster to do things online if there is this option. 5 minutes phone call usually takes hours as you hang around in a call queue.
My partner is the opposite. I hear "I have to ring them" multiple times a day and then I go online and it takes seconds.

To be fair, I'm often keen to do things by phone and any time I try and find a company's phone number, they'll try and get me to use the AI robot or whatever instead of just telling you the phone number.
It'll be like "click here to see all the ways you can contact us!" and then you click here and it's "did you know most queries can be resolved via our website/robot etc" and then you click here "tell me the actual phone number though" and it says "you can start a live chat with our robot by clicking here, you don't need to phone us".
Then you click "tell me the phone number PLEASE!" and it says"STOP TRYING TO PHONE US! USE THE ROBOT"

Mine too! Weirdos

I sympathise with your husband. I hate talking on the phone. I stutter and interrupt. I'd always rather do things online or face to face.

Some people have phone anxiety.

Some people have difficulty processing spoken language and can't follow a phone conversation on a business topic, leading to a fear of being scammed/ cheated/ending up agreeing to something they don't actually want. They can be fine with friendly chit chat between friends.

In all but the most complicated cases, companies will do everything in their power to make it easier to do things online.

I sorted our one NHS problem in five minutes online; the other took an hour on the phone, costing money the whole time.

YABU. I think it's highly unlikely that he'd have achieved it with a 5 minute phone call. Probably an hour or two of waiting for someone to answer despite his "call being important", then probably the wrong dept, then the transfer would probably fail and he'd have to start again, then finally speaking to someone distracted by WFH due to dogs barking, kids screaming, doorbell ringing, not helped by them having a very strong accent making it hard to understand them or the phone line being poor or faint, and after all that, you find out a few weeks later, they didn't bother doing what you asked them to do and which they agreed to do. Perhaps you can tell I have to phone a lot of organisations on a daily basis, particularly banks, insurers and HMRC. I always try to do things online first as phoning is a right pain in the arse!

This - it’s far quicker if you get through! I’d go for the phone option every time. I always book holidays on the phone if it’s viscose if cruise - far easier to ask about various options than trying to work it out online. I only do it online if it’s Expedia etc.

If these are adults and deemed able to be parents they must be making a fuss because they enjoy being the centre of attention. It isn't as if the phone is a sudden new invention.
Snowflakes!!!. Just do the job in hand.

Agree, it can be a huge faff (30+ mins on hold, terrible hold music, getting 'accidentally' cut off right after connecting) when ringing any big company... it also means having no written confirmation of whatever they agree - I've had Vodafone directly state they've definitely cancelled a contract 3 times and keep on billing:(

I was like this when younger, but found the more I pushed myself to do it, the better it got. Was always fine with face to face. I think it’s because most of communication (I think I read something like 90%?) comes from body language, if you have someone standing in front of you, you can communicate or read someone by small gestures, looks, body position etc, with a phonecall you don’t have any of that, you just have a voice so intentions can easily be misinterpreted.

Wow 😮
😁
WHY feel anxious about using a phone?

Yes, all of this.
I think it's a subset of social anxiety, not starting a conversation/worrying about making a fool of myself.
Basically if you're not directly related to me I am never going to call you unless it's an emergency or there's no other option (and even sometimes then, sorry Mum!)

I hate making phone calls (business or personal), but usually I'm ok receiving them (altho sometimes I don't know how/when to end them if it's a personal call). So I will avoid making calls as much as possible. As a matter of fact yesterday I had an appointment that I made online weeks ago that I needed to reschedule. Instead of calling, I spent over 30 mins yesterday trying to reschedule it online. I couldn't figure out how to do it so I gave up. Today I pushed back my apprehension and forced myself to call and cancel - took about 10 mins total. I don't know why I'm like this, but I've been this way for many years.