Husband won’t use the bloody phone

[littleredbumblebee]

It’s starting to get on my nerves now. When I say he won’t use the phone I mean to ring companies and businesses. He has spent 4 hours today trying to sort things out online: things that would be easy solved if he just rung the bloody places. He wants to add to his car insurance policy and he can’t find out online if the cover he has found with cover him for everything he needs. I said ring and ask but he won’t. He now says he is not bothered as it’s too much hassle. 4 hours on line for something that could have been solved on a five minute phone call- and he still has not found the answer online. I just know he will do it all again tomorrow.

he hates using the phone and it’s always me who phones places but some things like his own car insurance he needs to sort himself. He will find the answer eventually but it will take 2 bloody days as oppose to 5/10 minutes

before people ask he is perfectly fine is all other aspects of life. It just the phone

It took me a long time to understand why I hate phone calls, which I'd had problems with for decades, basically ever since teenage years. I also struggled with social events. I've always been fine with "in person" things, i.e. going to a desk or counter to speak to people, and also on a 1-2-1 basis in a social setting.

I finally twigged the problem was with my hearing! It's not faintness of sound, it's the clarity of sound. When you add in background noise (i.e. a noisy party) or a bad phone line, or maybe a strong accent or muffling speech, and I find it impossible to understand, meaning constantly asking them to repeat what they've said, or just giving up. I realised it was mostly embarrassment about being unable to hear and understand what people were saying. I was much better when I was looking at a person so could augment what I could hear with their lip movements which really helped.

I went straight to one of the modern hearing aids with blue tooth and now use my mobile for all calls, so that it comes straight into my hearing aids, which makes it louder and clearer (and removes background noise at my end). Still doesn't solve the problem of strong accents, poor line quality and background noise at the other end, but it helps. And more importantly, I'm no longer embarrassed about my hearing issue as I now can blame the noise at their end or the noisy line!

Perhaps the OP's OH should have his hearing tested as it may be similar if he's fine in other aspects of communication, but just doesn't like phone calls.

I’d pay more for most things just to avoid phoning.
for some people it’s a real mental block having to speak on the phone

I’m exactly the same as him !

I'm absolutely with him. I do not suffer from anxiety at all, but I just find the written word so much clearer, easier and more elegant. A polite, well-written email or letter is way more effective than a garbled phone conversation.

I'm the opposite - I'd rather call someone than mess about online - I find FAQ's and chatbots rarely have the answer to my questions but a lot of companies make it really difficult to phone them without trying online first. I also find 'Why not go to our website' messages at the beginning of calls irritating - if I could find an answer online, I wouldn't be phoning!

I hate making phone calls too. If it is to a small business and a simple thing such as booking an appointment at the hairdressers, booking for dinner,...that's fine. But for something more complex and a big company, it is definitely not 5 minutes! You will undoubtely get transferred to different departments, have to explain several times the same thing and too often you get cut off. Apart from that, you won't have proof of anything they tell you, which can be problematic if they give you the wrong information, and that happens sometimes. I also have bad memory so prefer everything in writing. I am sure the car insurance company have a customer support email and you can ask any questions by email/chat

In my experience when you do get through to companies 99% of the time you're met with a pre recorded message saying to go online. And if you don't you have to go through a million menus before you actually speak to a human!

I get huge anxiety about using the phone. I will do it but I hate it and will avoid it if at all possible.

FFS - before the internet the number of people with too much 'anxiety' to use the phone was so vanishingly low it was a non-issue. That's because there was no alternative and it was just an accepted part of daily life. It's still an essential life skill, so maybe people need to work out how to learn it. Teach the kids too maybe.
Hopefully in an emergency these people would cope with dialling 999 and speaking to the emergency services, if not we're screwed.

Yeah I'm like your husband. Doing admin online is so much easier. It's not really to do with any anxiety (I don't like speaking on the phone but it doesn't scare me), I just find online quicker and more reliable. Half the time admin phone calls end in a mess when you mishear them or they mishear you; or you need some details you'd forgotten, but can't quickly find them because you're on the phone; or you just get passed from pillar to post, all with endless hold music. ("It'll only take 5 minutes" is rarely actually true of an admin phone call.)

If I have any choice in the matter at all, I won't use the phone.

That's a big if. Either everything is automated, and you have to repeat everything several times because the system doesn't understand you, or they take hours to answer, or both.

Worst thing is being on a call queue and having to listen to spiel about doing things online. Phoning is my absolute last resort, I wouldn't be phoning if I could do what I needed to online.

I'd refuse to the phone stuff for him in future. It's absolutely ridiculous to be terrified of using a phone, it's how we used to have to communicate before we had smartphones and the internet.

He's a grown man, not being able to use a phone is absurd.

Agree. I genuinely do not know anyone with’phone anxiety’…never heard of it apart from on MN ! Maybe if children were encouraged to converse ,rather than text etc, it would avoid this anxiety !

I hate the phone as well. I really have to psych myself up for it, and will always look to see if there's an online option first.

I do accept though, that sometimes a phone call is just the most simple option. I can't really work out what it is that I hate about the phone though...

My mum is the total opposite though. She'll pick up the phone as the first port of call.

Before the internet you wouldn't generally heard of people with 'phone anxiety' because there wasn't the same ability to share information, so you didn't hear people talking about it. Additionally, if you as scathing in real life about things people struggle with, I'd guess no-one tells you.

Prior to the internet, I found making phone calls really stressful but had to suck it up and feel stressed. Now I have alternatives which I am much more comfortable with.

Might sound a silly question but is he concerned about his hearing?

Another phone dodger here

I cant mind the last time I made a call other then to the GP or dentist ( we dont have online bookings here ) , I certainly dont make social calls. Might ring DH to ask him to get something out the freezer. Absolutely hate ringing strangers and all my incoming calls show me whos calling before I answer - if indeed I do

Yes my phone anxiety has increased over the years, the less I need to use one the harder to actually do so it becomes

As a PP , not being able to understand the person on the other end is a huge factor. I have perfect hearing but apparently I have auditory dyslexia - APD - only just diagnosed aged 60

...and before we had phones, it was telegrams, and before that carrier pigeon. So what? The technology has moved on, and I think that online is a better way to do it, not least because you have a written record of the exchange.

Good for you.

It's just a phone. Stop being ridiculous.

As long as it sorts it eventually, just let him get on with doing it his own way. It makes no difference to you, except for being mildly irritating.

I'd use it for talking to friends, but not for any transaction or booking or anything where it'd be handy to document what was said.

It is indeed just a phone. It's just a tool, which people can use if they like it or avoid if they don't.

I remember telling my mum about being afraid to make phone calls when I was a teenager (before you could organise anything online) and she told me that she felt the same way but you just have to do it.

So I don't think it's a new thing at all. But people are a lot more avoidant these days and of course you often can avoid phone calls. So people don't just grit their teeth and do it.

It still takes me a while to work myself up to a phone call and I do make notes and plan what I will say beforehand, like PP.

But I do believe that avoiding things that make you nervous (when you know there is no genuine danger) is not particularly healthy.

Yes - and before the internet we didn't have to wait for ages to have the phone answered, and we didn't have to go through endless pre-recorded menus, and we could speak directly to real people, who could understand what you were asking and who wanted to help, and who we could understand. And then when oyu asked for everything to be confirmed in writing, they said certainly and a few days later everything arrived in the post.

Nope, us phone refusers were always around 😊
I used to just pop into the hairdressers/dentist/bank branch(remember them?!) if I needed something. Or stuff could be done by post.

Call centres only really took off for a few years before email, so then I went over to that.