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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do you live where you live?

172 replies

LetsRockityRock · 05/09/2024 07:22

l often wonder how people end up where they live (flat, house, country manor, city centre, rural, next to a motorway, abroad, tourist hot spot, beautiful village, run down town).

I live in a small town outside of a big city. I am from the city, met my DH who is from this small town. House prices were lower here so we got more for our money, and now I prefer small town life to city life. I couldn’t move as have DH family on the doorstep and my family not far away. My town is growing though so I pine for less traffic and more rural views.

OP posts:
mybraindoesntwork · 05/09/2024 09:23

It's where we both grew up.

We got married and when we had kids it was very handy to have both sets of grandparents around (and great grandparents!).

I've got to be honest I've always wanted to live near the coast and we said we would move when the dc moved out. The position we've now found ourselves in is with our dc at opposite ends of the country and our home town bang in the middle, so it feels daft to move elsewhere. On top of that we've now got elderly parents.

I'm constantly torn between living where WE fancy, and fitting in with everyone else's needs!

Uglyducklingswan · 05/09/2024 09:25

General area as it’s near DH’s family who help with childcare plus commutable to our jobs. Specific village because it’s very family oriented and great school and close to lots of social things we do like the beach, countryside. And we could afford it. So many many factors!

MiddleAgedDread · 05/09/2024 09:28

Moved to the city through choice. Live in this part of the city because I like it and could afford to buy property here. It's convenient for work, has good bus routes, i can walk into the city centre, good amenities etc.

Deliberationdivinationdesperation · 05/09/2024 09:29

Convenience and habit I suppose plus family.

Large town / commuter town near a large city. Me and husband both grew up here. Easy access to the large city and to a smaller nearby city. Lots of transport options with motorways, trains (including to London) etc, easy to get to countryside and green spaces.

However, I feel trapped. I've looked at moving away, we've both applied for jobs elsewhere etc and it's never worked out. Now we've got a child with another on the way and not sure we'll ever be able to move away. I used to want to move to London but I'm over the hill now with having kids so couldn't afford to move there and I would t want to squash them into a smaller space anyway. Thinking our next house may be in the nice suburbs of the city rather than in this town but thats also a major expense so need to weigh up the benefits. Sometimes I yearn for more space and a bigger garden but that would mean going more rural which I don't think I'd actually like in reality as I like to have amenities around me....

Bectoria2006 · 05/09/2024 09:33

We moved back to the place I grew up in just before my DD started reception to be closer to my parents. We only lived 45 mins away but it was where my exH chose to live and I didn’t have any support there. Where we live now was also closer to my DH’s kids and work. We moved to the next village 5 years ago and love it here. Close to countryside but also towns and cities and in an affordable part of the country.

KimberleyClark · 05/09/2024 09:38

Fairly central suburb of a smallish city. My home city. We chose the area because it was roughly halfway between our respective workplaces and because it was fairly close to my widowed mother. Which turned out to be quite a boon. My mother has long since died, I am retired and although DH still works it’s almost exclusively from home so we no longer need to live in this area,but we love it. Loads of amenities within walking distance, easy access to surrounding countryside and the waterfront area.

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 05/09/2024 09:39

First 6 years of my life was me and my parents living with grandparents in a good sized semi in a rural village. Moved to a run down small naval town because it was cheaper and was by the sea. The sea was the only good thing about it and I never really liked it there.
4 years ago me DH and our 2 DS's up sticks and emigrated to a run down farmstead in a small village in Europe and are slowly doing it up bit by bit plus becoming more self sufficient. We love it although language barrier can be a challenge!

emeraldsarebest · 05/09/2024 09:40

Former military family. We live in the last place DH was posted in.

We are both ex Army and I left my hometown as a 19 year old and have never lived there since nor would I ever want to. Where DH is from is in the SE and much nicer though unaffordable for us. We have ended up near a bland new town in the midlands. We have no family around and no connection to the area beyond it happening to have been the last posting. Kids were settled into school and we didn't want to disrupt them again. 10 years post Army we are still here and the DC are coming to the end of their education. We have made wonderful friends but I have itchy feet and am so bored. We have a lovely house in a good village but I long to live abroad again. I can't see how to make it happen again.

leapinglizard1234 · 05/09/2024 09:48

We bought an awesome house in a town no one likes ( I do ) because it's near our son's Sen school ..

It is such a lovely place to live if people could set aside their racism it would have got snapped up .. as it was we got a bargain..

KnutonHardz · 05/09/2024 09:51

I'm able to working remotely, and living with DF and helping out as he has some serious health issues. Not able to help in any way in the medical side of things, but I know how to manage the farm. Its not where I'd like to live, but I'm happy to be able to help.

Hecatoncheires · 05/09/2024 09:51

Lived in 5 different properties by the time I was 7. Left home aged 18 then moved a further 5 times by the time I was 22. Moved back to Scotland as my DH was promoted in his work (a nation-wide organisation) and lived in Edinburgh for 12 years having a great time. He'd lived there previously but I never had, though I was more than happy to go there. Bought our current house about 20 years ago. We're in a seaside village and absolutely love it. Close to family, excellent schools, easy access to major cities on both sides of the country for gigs and theatre and festivals and university for our DD. I love being by the sea and can't imagine living anywhere else. We could have moved up the property ladder but never bothered as our house has what we need and we couldn't be arsed!

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 05/09/2024 09:53

It's the village we were offered a HA home in.
We never thought we'd be lucky enough to get a home in this village tbh.

the80sweregreat · 05/09/2024 09:54

I didn't live far from family when I had my eldest , but family were either too old or didn't care , working etc so living close to family isn't always that beneficial at times!

user1471538283 · 05/09/2024 09:54

I've settled in our city by default. I had family here and I needed to go back to work so moved. I've moved 5 times and I'm not doing it again! I'm still in the city but a village just outside with good road links, public transportation and amenities.

Even though it needs alot of work I absolutely love it here.

stayathomer · 05/09/2024 09:55

We chose to live near one set of family and can’t afford to live near mine (but in laws have helped us out when we really needed it over the years and we have a nice community so all good!)

rainbow1902 · 05/09/2024 09:55

I love where i live lots of trees very quiet close to everything dont need a car.
Oh and my rent is £74 a week.

Ardrahan · 05/09/2024 10:02

Yes, I thought this too. When we lived somewhere I hated for DH’s job, I said I was moving back to London, and did. He followed within a month. We did later live somewhere neither of us liked for some years, but we were very much working on a plan to move away together for several of those, and did, to a mutually-agreed destination where we’re both happy.

Meadowfinch · 05/09/2024 10:03

Because it's calm and spacious and surrounded by greenery.

Because when I wanted to buy a 3 bed house with a decent sized sitting room, there weren't any on the market -2011 after the global crash, and people were sitting tight waiting for property prices to recover - and this 4 bed had been on the market for 18 months.

Because my landlord had given us notice to quit our temporary flat.

Because I needed to get DS into a decent primary school catchment area.

13 years later the renovations are nearly finished 😁

20000000000000dr · 05/09/2024 10:04

I was taken into care at 15 and booted out on my 16th birthday. I had to go somewhere and the city near me was really run down. I was shown a room in a hostel that was absolutely disgusting. There was a sofa in the 'living room', if you can call it that, where it looked like it was spotty but it was actually hundreds of cigarette burns.

I was dating someone at the time who was planning on going to university in another city so I asked to move here. We ended up breaking up before he actually went to university but I stayed. It was a massive faff to change local authorities but I had an amazing key worker who kept asking why not when he was told it wasn't possible to move me.

I knew absolutely no one and the first few months here were quite terrifying, especially as a 16 year old with no idea how to look after myself and a lot of trauma.

Twenty five years on and I love it here. It's my home and I won't ever leave. I have tons of friends, a lovely house in a quiet neighborhood, a cat, a car, and I know how to cook now.

I dread to think what would have become of me if it hadn't been for my key worker. He saved my life and never even got to see the results. He was dying of cancer when he helped me, plus he wasn't allowed to stay in contact. But I'll never forget him. He's my hero.

Clearinguptheclutter · 05/09/2024 10:05

It was the default choice we ruled everywhere else out (too expensive) and it happened to be the only place where we could afford what we wanted house-wise. Not close but within striking distance of our families. At the time work commutes were considered too but that is less of a concern now.

15 years on and I don’t love the area however I do feel fairly settled. We’re committed to staying until the kids leave home but who knows beyond that

Redleavescatfiend · 05/09/2024 10:06

Half way between Brisbane and the Gold Coast.
Need I say more?

Howmanycatsistoomany · 05/09/2024 10:11

We moved from Yorkshire to Normandy in 2018 - we'd always planned to retire to France or Spain and Brexshit made us make the move a lot sooner (not retired yet though).

YellowComb · 05/09/2024 10:12

Hundreds of miles from where I was brought up and a different country from where my DH was brought up.
Worldwide travel with my DH's work and on two occasions rented in SW London.
Decided to live here. Absolutely love it - but we are in a very special, almost secret, area.

DancingLions · 05/09/2024 10:15

Grew up in the far SW, hated it (too remote), left at 16 and moved to the SE. But ended up in an abusive relationship. So then went to a refuge and was housed by the council. That was around 35 years ago. Over time I did several exchanges around the home counties. But didn't really settle anywhere.

Finally ended up in London 20 years ago. I struck gold getting this house/area. The push to move here was the fact I'd landed a decent job in London and my old rent + commute cost more than the higher rent but much cheaper commute by living here. Plus the house was lovely, so it was a win win.

I won't leave here now. I'd struggle to find anything nicer/more convenient. Looking to my older years, I have a decent hospital 10 minutes away. I get my free Oyster card at 60 (which isn't far off now!) and there's so much to do here. I'm well placed for 4 airports so I quite often go on European city breaks for a couple of days.

TigerRag · 05/09/2024 10:19

I lived with my parents until I was 25. I was struggling more and more with the stairs. I was put in a one bed ground floor flat a few miles away. (But close enough if there was an emergency)

There was a huge issue with mould and after years of complaining, we were told that we needed to move as it was cheaper than them doing all the work.

I'm now about a mile away from them

Due to my disabilities I couldn't move too far from them.