Is genital herpes the end of the world when it comes to dating?

[hudsonjet]

I honestly can't even imagine telling someone I have it.

I don't have many outbreaks, it doesn't affect my life. My ex husband passed it on to me. Whether he knew he had it, I'll never know. But he's slept with many women since we separated. My first outbreak was horrific and I was bed bound for a few weeks. This was 8 years ago and now it doesn't affect me luckily.

But as I am starting to think about dating again, the thought of telling someone I have it fills me with dread.

Any positive stories please? Or just reassurance?

A quick google says to me that just over 13% of the world’s population has genital herpes which is greater than one in ten. You’re probably likely to chat with others online who are in the same situation.

No it's not. I've dated plenty and got married while having it. As long as you don't have contact if you have a sign of an outbreak you and they should be fine.

I think you should tell people. I wouldn't have sex with someone with it and I'd feel violated finding out after the fact that they'd decided not to tell me I could catch something off them.

Read my post. I WOULD tell them.

Oh, OP. Hugs. The right man won’t be phased.

My DH didn't care... I discovered he had it too!

I'd like to think so.

I just can't take anymore hurt off a man again. Plus to actually tell someone I have it makes me feel dirty. Even though you could count the number of men I've slept with on one hand.

No it's not

Well I've got face herpes so I wouldn't worry too much, at least yours isn't visible for the world to see.

In all seriousness though my OH has it, didn't put me off at all.

Take care OP, u have done nothing wrong and nothing to feel 'dirty ' about. Put that right out of your mind. Take one step at a time, u r not alone

An old friend of mine had this, she caught it from the first person she dated after coming out of a long term relationship with her first (and only previous) partner, like you her first outbreak was horrific and she really suffered with it. The guy she caught it from apparently was asymptomatic and had no idea he had it. In any case this happened about a decade ago and she's happily settled in a new relationship now, I think honesty is the best policy with any prospective new partners and you can find a way to work around it and take certain precautions (e.g. avoiding sexual activity during a flare up etc).

Second this. You are not alone and I'm sorry you've had to suffer with this, after seeing how ill this made my friend I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Thank you to the helpful posters.

It really did knock me for six when I was first diagnosed and I am thankful now it rarely bothers me. If it does then I don't even notice it. So that's a positive.

But there is no way I could keep it to myself. I know I need to be open and honest - and I'd hope that would say a lot about who I am as a person.

Unlike my ex who hasn't told any women that he's slept with that he has it.

I only ever had one outbreak! And that was the first, never ever had one since. My DH was fine with it, I told him early days of dating.

I honestly can't even imagine telling someone I have it.

I obviously misunderstood your first line then.

Is herpes part of the cold sore family.

There's lots of information, including herpes FAQs, personal stories, a 4-page instructions for ‘Talking to a new partner’ and 2 pages on ‘How to protect my partner (transmission)’, & a private Facebook page in the link below that might be helpful

herpes.org.uk/

My post is pretty clear that I'm worried about telling someone. Not that I am thinking about hiding it. I would never do that. I will 1000% tell whoever it may be if it happens - should be clear enough for you now.

That’s the whole point of your post, just being upfront and honest.
Would say, don’t feel pressured, take your time, that way, they’re going to know you and then will understand.

I have it, was discovered a year into dating Exh who never had any symptoms and to my knowledge, never caught it in the decade plus that we were together. I have no idea how or where I got it from but like you, the symptoms and number of outbreaks have lessened over the years.

I make a point of always posting when I see threads like this as I remember how awful it felt when I was first diagnosed. The pharmaceutical companies that created a treatment and wanted to find a marketing strategy were the ones that stigmatised herpes.

I've had two sexual partners since my divorce, both of whom I told before we reached the point of considering sleeping together. They were both unfazed and respectful, and I've been with DP 6 years now. He's never caught it.

I do feel that any potential partner that would have an issue with it is not going to be the best person to get involved with anyway, it's one way of finding out who is mature enough to deserve you.

OP, some people just don’t read the posts properly.It’s very clear, you’re not hiding anything and it does say a lot about you as a person, who cares, just wants to be transparent.

You’re not dirty. It’s rotten luck. Don’t let anyone paint you with a ridiculous social stigma. It’s uneducated and you’re too good for it.

Everyone should know this can and does happen to anyone, you haven’t done anything wrong.All you’re being is open and honest.You sound like a lovely person, who really cares.
When you’re ready you’ll meet someone who will appreciate you.