Savings for children differences

[Bedheadready]

my husband and I have 1 child and another on the way. From he was 1 week old we set up a junior ISA that we pay into from our joint account every month and he should have approx £30k when he’s 18. I intend to do the same with the new baby when it’s born.

husband has 2 children from a previous relationship. The relationship with his ex gf is very strained as is the relationship with the children. They have no ISA or savings set up for them by us. I am just afraid it will cause more resentment when they are 18 and don’t get what my children will. Differences are already noticed by pure virtue of me earning a significant salary that will continue to rise over the next number of years.

aibu to think we should open something for them too or is it just life.

He should be giving/putting aside for his children with ex partner the same as he puts aside for yours - it should have been started from when you opened the ISA for your first child. It won’t be as much money, which is unfortunate but just part of life I guess - he isn’t going to be able to magic up £30k in time for each child being 18 I imagine, but there should be something there.

Your salary etc really shouldn’t have anything to do with it, though if you wanted to contribute then I’m sure it would be welcome.

Your husband should think about it, then contribute from his salary and invite his ex to.also add of she wishes to give her children the same type of advantage as yours.

I bet you're the one who instigated the savings for your children?

I think your husband should save equal amounts of money for each of his children.

If you contribute more to your child's ISA than DH ex's does then that is her perogative.

This can be explained to respective children at 18 if needed, that Dad saved equally for all DC.

Yes. I am a lot more financially minded than my husband. Could he afford to put some away each month for his children? No is the realistic answer.

Surely he would just have to adjust the amount currently saved to split it equally across all children?

He decided to have more children, surely he realised that money to spend or save would therefore reduce for each one.

He never thought about saving until I set up the junior isa for our first baby. He couldn’t afford to pay the same amount for them all

the relationship is very very strained as in they don’t even communicate so I’d say this is a no goer unfortunately

Worthwhile assuming they are not 17 to open a junior ISA (or your DH to do this). I think ISA allowances might be reduced in future tax years, so anything this year if possible.

Or just open an ISA himself if your DH does not have one. Money can be transferred when they are adults I assume.

You say your kids m9ney comes from the 'joint account' but he can't afford to put money aside for his kids? Does this realistically mean that you largely fund the joint account?

If the joint account is 50/50 then I would split the kids savings between all 4 - and you can add to yours (2) separately.
If the joint account is mainly funded by you then I'd probably for the sake of appearances shift the savings to your own account and the savings come purely from you When the kids get them.

The reality is that blended family's do result in children getting treated different as they have non-shared parent/families. (If you could reasonably afford and want to put something aside for his kids there is of course nothing stopping you.)

It is just about him splitting. So for example he gives £25 to each child and you pay more for your two. He does not need to communicate with the ex about it, he can just save on his own.

Anything is better than nothing. If he could make a sacrifice to save even £10 a week for each child, at least then they will have £5k or so each in 10 years. He can't compare it to your joint child as you have a difference in income.

He should be putting aside for all his children. Whatever is his contribution to the savings should be the same for all of his children.

Surely whatever he CAN afford to save for his children, whether that's £100pw or £10, should be split between all 4.

His contributions for your shared DC should be split equally by the amount of DC that he has.

Yes, your DC will get more in the end but it's not for you to contribute towards his DC.

Your shared DC will get less but this is just another blended family thing that you have to negotiate.

It sounds to me like DH doesn't earn as much as OP and she puts money away for her DC from her salary. DH may spend all his money on day to day living and child maintenance to his ex for their DC. He may not earn much so nothing left to save from his salary for any DC.

Does your DH actually contribute to your DC savings OP, or is this money you choose to save for your DC from your salary? If DH doesn't save for any of his DC then there is your answer. You are wisely choosing to save for your DC. It doesn't mean you should have to save for your DH DC with his ex. That would be up to his ex to do.

Yeah that’s fairly accurate plus he’s going to be reducing his hours now again when I’m promoted

It’s more just everything goes into a joint account and everything goes out of there so there’s no definitive split as such

Not everyone can afford to put money away for the children which seems to be your DH's case. If you are the one saving for your child then I can't see any reason for DH's children to think it's unfair. If he is paying he should divide that sum between all his children, it's just the decent thing to do.

If he's contributing to your children's savings at all then his contribution should be split 4 ways equally between all children, even if that means they get a fiver or a tenner each.

If he is reducing his work commitments to support your career then I think as a couple you should make some stab at saving for his children.

I don't necessarily think you should aim to save the same amount for them as your joint children at 18 but some provision should be made for them.

If this situation was reversed "i'm reducing my work commitments to support my high earning second DHbut he will only contribute to our joint children's savings accounts. I can't afford to save now for the children from my previous relationship what should I do". I think the answer would be he needs to contribute, don't drop hours and make him cover the additional child care costs or LTB.

Why is he reducing hours for your promotion? It does look like you want everything to be "yours" so that he doesn't have to pay out as much for his older children. It really isn't their fault that he's gone off with another woman, and a decent person would make small steps to ensure they don't suffer because of it. I hope you encourage him to keep maintenance money the same and based on this update, I think all kids should get the same amount from your joint account.

It sounds to me like tou think you should do something but DH is less enthusiastic?

Here is what I would do...

Assuming your dc1 is 2 so 24 monthly payments made =£2400.
I'm assuming your £30k comes from a £100 a month payment.
Nominally this is £50 from you and £50 from DH. This give your current child £1200 from each of you.

I would get DH to set up ISAs for his other two and IF you can afford it deposit £1200 each. This brings them up to speed with your existing child. I'm assuming you'd need to help fund this. If it's not possible then start afresh now.

You/DH appear to be able to afford to up the payments to £200 to include the new dc, but DH cannot add another £200 for his dc? So I would have DH put £25 each into the 4 ISAs, you do your £50 into each of your 2 (making it up to £75 as originally planned if you wish/can afford it.) It means you are funding your DC more than DH, but it means DHs Available funds are split faily between his DC.

However if you DH does not want to do this... that is also his choice... family relationships can be difficult. Maybe the ISA isn't the right account given the ownership at 18, maybe another account is better?

If your husband has to reduce his hours and income so facilitate your higher income then you could set up an account for his children and contribute from the joint account. In genrls I don't think this is a step-parents responsibility but there are caveats.