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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Housesitter drama

29 replies

OwlandFox · 04/09/2024 09:30

AIBU to be upset with our recent housesitters?

I would be very grateful for some advice on using house sitters. We have just returned from a two week holiday and used house sitters for the first time to take care of our dog and cat. We were a bit stuck for pet care because our usual places were not available so we ended up having to give housesitting a go. Our usual dog walker recommended his sister and neice and said that they do this often. We met both the mother and daughter, who seemed nice, and it was agreed that either one of them or both would stay each night. Just before the holiday we were asked if it would be ok for a 15 year old friend to sit with the pets for a few hours one day as both the mother and daughter were working. We agreed to this.
The drama is that we looked at the camera footage from our driveway and became aware that a man stayed with the daughter for the whole second week. We were never told about this man and feel upset that we were not asked if it would be ok for him to housesit. We can see that he was left alone in our house for up to 3 hours on one occassion.
We have now raised our concerns with the sitters and they have completely dismissed our concerns. They have said that the boyfriends of both women often sit with them. They consider these men to be part of their "team" and it never occured to them to tells us. Is this OK?
We are upset about this and feel that our trust and privacy have been violated.
The timing is bad as my mother died just before the holiday. They are aware of this (because it meant them staying one extra night for me to go home to Ireland plan the funeral) but have offered no condolances.
To add insult to injury, we decided to just pay them and move on from this experience. They payment was a verbal agreement. We understood that payment would be per night but they have come back asking for an extra payment because they understood it to be payment by the day.
Is it usual to pay per day or night?
Any advice welcome.

OP posts:
Where2GoNext · 04/09/2024 09:43

Noni wouldn't be happy with that at all. Do not give them any more money!!

Caroparo52 · 04/09/2024 09:46

Pay and move on. You have bigger issues to deal with atm. Sorry for your loss.

KimberleyClark · 04/09/2024 09:48

You’re not being unreasonable. It’s your house and they should have told you if there was a possibility of boyfriends staying over.

I’m sorry for your loss.

Borninabarn32 · 04/09/2024 09:50

You consented to two women being in your home. You did not consent to any men being in your home. You did not meet the men. You have no information on the men. Of course YANBU. You can't just bring who you want into someone else's house.

MeAgainAndAgain · 04/09/2024 09:51

CHANGE YOUR LOCKS ASAP.

noctilucentcloud · 04/09/2024 09:56

Re payment by day or by night - it would depend for me - if on the final day they could leave after breakfast then by night is OK, however if they had to spend a lot of the day at yours eg to walk or feed, an extra payment for that last day is reasonable.

Thistooshallpass24 · 04/09/2024 09:59

How was it arranged?
Do you have written contracts?

Greentreesandbushes · 04/09/2024 10:28

I pay per day. Also I asked if they had a partner who would be staying, so I could make up a double rather than single bed.

TheFlis · 04/09/2024 10:32

Our house / dog sitter is paid per 24 hour period. She lives locally so occasionally on longer stays her boyfriend will drop something round to her but we can see on the doorbell he never even sets foot in the porch, let alone going into the house for hours. The people you had staying were bang out of order.

CautiousLurker · 04/09/2024 10:38

I have a housesitter for the dogs, and she and her wife also walk the dogs twice a week to ensure bonding with them and for dog socialisation.

We completed a full contract, they provided evidence of their qualifications (dog emergency first aid etc) and their indemnity insurance. I also got references.The key house-sitter stayed alone, but I expressly gave permission for her wife to stay over any (or all) of the time, as I know they have pets of their own at home, but also one has an daughter so no reason why they shouldn’t have date night at ours. However, I saw all of their jointly owned company’s paperwork before booking. They have young helpers on the dog walks and always ask permission to bring them, but they were never left with my dogs in my absence, and I would NEVER have agreed to a stranger in my home.

They are completely out of order. I wouldn’t pay the extra day. I would get my locks changed. And I would write a scathing review… but I would also learn from this to only use a registered company (even if it’s just a married couple’s small business) and to make sure they have a contract and insurance going forward.

Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 04/09/2024 10:42

Ours is DBS checked and has insurance. She charges from 5pm to 5pm.
We sign a contract for each period of overnights.
She has her husband here occasionally but not overnight as they have their own pets. He is also our dog walker and also insured and DBS checked as he is going into peoples homes.

Flatulence · 04/09/2024 10:59

You're not being unreasonable. At best, it was rude of them to invite someone to stay alone at your property for hours. At worst, it was dangerous and neglectful.

I have two sitters I use on a regular basis. One will sometimes ask her mum or daughter to sit with/for her.

The other will sometimes ask her male partner to attend. Again, fine.

The difference is, both let me know that this might be the case.

Both sitters are insured and DBS checked. With both, I have a written agreement - an initial document from the first visit outlining T&Cs and then emails confirming the details and price of each booking.

In this instance, I'd pay and move on. It sounds like nothing bad ended up happening and your pets and home were cared for. That's the main thing. I'd not use them again and potentially I feedback to your dog walker what happened so that they don't recommend them to others.

Getonwitit · 04/09/2024 11:09

Get your locks changed and any codes for alarms etc.

Itiswhysofew · 04/09/2024 11:14

Pay per day. YANBU to expect the only people to enter your home are the ones you agreed to.

They are being very cheeky.

Taluulaah · 04/09/2024 11:44

Sorry I’m a little confused, by the “15 year old friend” part… so someone other than the mum / daughter would sit with the pets for a short time, but this was not the man? Was someone you knew? Sorry, I’m just trying to clarify what I’m reading there.

OwlandFox · 05/09/2024 10:40

Taluulaah · 04/09/2024 11:44

Sorry I’m a little confused, by the “15 year old friend” part… so someone other than the mum / daughter would sit with the pets for a short time, but this was not the man? Was someone you knew? Sorry, I’m just trying to clarify what I’m reading there.

The 15 year old was a girl that they knew. They asked us if it would be OK for her to spend part of one day with the pets but stressed that they would rearrange their work if we were not comfortable with this. We did ask for clarification on how long she would be in the house, which I would think indicates that we were not open to anyone coming and going without our knowledge. I guess it left us with a false sense of security that they were respectful about asking for permission to allow third parties to enter the house. This is one of the reasons we were so surprised to find that an unknown man had been staying in the house for a whole week.

OP posts:
OwlandFox · 05/09/2024 10:45

Thank you all for your helpful responses. It is reassuring to know that we are not being overly sensitive about what happened. We have paid the housesitters now and want to move on from it all. I will chalk this up as one of life's learning experiences. I am often stuck by how much I still have to learn at almost 50! 😣

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2024 10:48

I am sorry for your loss.
You aren't being unreasonable at all, you have every right to know who is staying in your house and it could safely be assumed that it was the people you met and agreed to rather than anyone else.
There isn't much you can do now but never use them again

commonsense61 · 05/09/2024 11:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

OwlandFox · 05/09/2024 11:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

No we did not agree to the man staying in our home. He wasn't even mentioned to us. My husband became a bit suspicious when they asked for access to our full wifi rather than the guest wifi in the second week so he decided to take a look at the recordings from the camera placed outside our front door.
We can clearly see who is coming in and out of the house along with times of day. He stayed for a full week and was left alone in the house on some occassions.
We could have challenged it when we were on holiday but honestly we were in a total state after the death of my mother and not really up for any confrontation.
The good news is that we can see that the dog was walked regularly and their interations with her were warm and caring.
We have also noticed from the video footage that they were sharing our front door key and because they only had one copy they were leaving it in a bush beside the front door for each other to find when necessary.
They were not DBS checked.
I have a tendency to be too trusting but I have learned a lot from this experience.

OP posts:
commonsense61 · 05/09/2024 11:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BrendaSmall · 08/09/2024 07:53

So they let a man stay over in your house with a 15 year old?!

They don’t sound like a professional business to me.

Next time definitely get recommendations for a professional business to house sit, one with insurance and registered staff for your own safety

Justsomethoughts · 08/09/2024 08:00

It’s a bit odd that they thought to tell you about the friend coming over for the day but not the man staying for the week. I don’t know why they would tell you about one and not the other if their intention was to be honest. It is a huge breach of trust and to me seems like they have been caught out.

You are unhappy they let a stranger stay in your house, they feel they are underpaid. I think the compromise is not to pay anymore and for them not to be trusted to do the job again.

ClockwiseHoneysuckle · 08/09/2024 08:06

If they advertise, leave an honest review.

Galoop · 08/09/2024 08:21

Just pay what you thought you were meant to pay and leave it at that. It's really terrible they had some random person come in your home.
Feedback to the person that recommended them, they sound like dishonest people.