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Original poster

2 year old really doesn't want to get dressed

56 replies

heygabb · 03/09/2024 06:48

He contorts himself, screams, has tantrums and makes it do hard for me to dress him.

I've tried giving him choices, trousers first or top? Or even two different outfits but he just kicks off as soon as it's time to get dressed.

I have to physically restrain him and use a lot of energy to get him dressed. It's very stressful.

What else can I do to make this easier ?

I think it's mainly because he doesn't want to go to nursery because on a recent holiday he was not behaving like this. But at home, even when I tell him he's not going to nursery, he behaves like this. It's a struggle every day !

OP posts:
sashh · 03/09/2024 06:59

Put him in joggers and let him sleep in them?

So you get him out of bed already in joggers and top, wash his face, brush his teeth and he is ready for nursery.

Autumn1990 · 03/09/2024 07:01

Bribery, race him to get dressed ( yes I know you’ll still be dressing both of you) or put him to bed in joggers and a long sleeved t shirt and after a few days the dressing fear should have worn off. Or just don’t worry and leave him in his pjs until later on.

moppety · 03/09/2024 07:13

Games work well for this. You can be the dressing robot for example. Make it fun if you can. It's quite a common phase around this age IME.

RunningThroughMyHead · 03/09/2024 07:16

I would just continue as you would if it was teeth brushing or having a bath; wearing clothes is a necessity so it's not negotiable.

It's probably just a phase.

Cuwins · 03/09/2024 07:19

Depends- as it's not a nursery day does he need to get dressed yet?
I say with my nude 2 year old on my lap! She is often nudie at home but is always happy to get dressed to go out.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 03/09/2024 07:23

I would try not to make it into a battle unless you have absolutely no choice.

If he's not going to between and doesn't have to be anywhere then leave him in his pajamas.

FateReset · 03/09/2024 07:29

Discipline works in non-negotiable things like getting dressed, baths, teeth. Think of the consequences of not doing these things.

You're doing the right thing by forcing him to wear clothes, although it may not feel like it. Be consistent. Tell him off for fighting you. I'm aware some people smack or tap their hand as the association of pain with physically resisting clothing is more instant, so more effective than sticker charts unless you peel off a sticker each time.

I don't agree with bribery in this type of situation as it rewards undesirable behaviour and he'll use it to blackmail you into extra gummy bears per item of clothing if he's smart 😆

Obedience training is so important in under 5s, if he hasn't learnt to respect certain rules by then it will be an uphill battle to instill later.

I spent years wrangling my son into appropriate clothing for nursery. Things like soft cotton joggers, tshirts and non itchy sweaters and socks. Luckily he's independent dressing now.

moppety · 03/09/2024 07:33

I'm aware some people smack or tap their hand as the association of pain with physically resisting clothing is more instant, so more effective than sticker chart

What the actual fuck?! Confused

Cuwins · 03/09/2024 07:38

FateReset · 03/09/2024 07:29

Discipline works in non-negotiable things like getting dressed, baths, teeth. Think of the consequences of not doing these things.

You're doing the right thing by forcing him to wear clothes, although it may not feel like it. Be consistent. Tell him off for fighting you. I'm aware some people smack or tap their hand as the association of pain with physically resisting clothing is more instant, so more effective than sticker charts unless you peel off a sticker each time.

I don't agree with bribery in this type of situation as it rewards undesirable behaviour and he'll use it to blackmail you into extra gummy bears per item of clothing if he's smart 😆

Obedience training is so important in under 5s, if he hasn't learnt to respect certain rules by then it will be an uphill battle to instill later.

I spent years wrangling my son into appropriate clothing for nursery. Things like soft cotton joggers, tshirts and non itchy sweaters and socks. Luckily he's independent dressing now.

I sincerely hope you are joking

Whatafustercluck · 03/09/2024 08:02

Please don't force him, and please don't smack him as one pp suggests. He will associate getting dressed with extreme stress and go to even greater lengths to avoid it. Behavioural psychologists, actual professionally qualified people, rather than randoms on the Internet, would advise strongly against it.

There are some really good suggestions here, op. Racing him, turning it into a game to make the experience more enjoyable. My dd (she's nd so has a lot of control issues and tactile sensitivity, particularly on school days) can be bribed with short massages after every item of clothing she successfully puts on. Or try taking the pressure off a little. For example, unless he's going out to the park, to nursery or out of the house, then let him stay in his comfy things, but make it clear that to go to the park he'll need to get dressed. As a last resort, I second putting him into bed in clean, comfy daytime clothes. My dd has repeated issues tolerating socks and shoes, so I now slip her clean socks on her when she's fast asleep.

I'm not saying your ds is nd by the way, just that there are lots of strategies you can pick up from parents of nd kids, many of whom have this struggle daily. 😊 For what it's worth, I've been that frazzled mum forcing my child to get dressed and clean her teeth. It doesn't work and ends up stressing you out as much as your child.

carrotcard · 03/09/2024 08:05

I'm aware some people smack or tap their hand as the association of pain with physically resisting clothing is more instant

Some people should be locked up

CurbsideProphet · 03/09/2024 08:11

My toddler hates shoes, especially new shoes which is tricky as his feet keep growing! I spend the whole time just telling him what we're doing today then we go straight out either to childminder, the park, swimming, whatever. As soon as we're out of the front door he's fine. Obviously I would prefer not to battle over shoes every time we leave the house, but I presume at some point he will concede that shoes are ok!

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 03/09/2024 08:11

Treasure hunt for clothes. Bring in the Elf on the Shelf really, really early if you need to.

Getting dressed isn't much fun, join the treasure hunt for your clothes too.

FateReset · 03/09/2024 08:13

Also make sure his clothes are comfortable, soft stretchy things like joggers or boys leggings or jersey shorts, soft cotton tops.

Show that you will not tolerate disobedience over getting dressed. No placating or choices, no coaxing. Try setting a timer and saying if he's not allowed you to dress him by that time you will put a favourite toy out of reach on a high shelf for a day. Then do it immediately. Always do it, and be prepared for him to tantrum over that too. A slightly older child you can add an extra day for each tantrum but at 2 the consequences need to be immediate. Then never go back on it.

Same with brushing teeth, hair, washing face, taking medicine, putting on shoes.

The only time I bribed my child to get dressed was into a waistcoat and braces for a wedding! But that was a one off. Oddly he loved them once dressed.

If you can crack this now then school uniform will be so much easier!

SpookySpoon22 · 03/09/2024 08:14

It may well be a.typical toddler phase but it's possible he could be struggling with sensory difficulties with the feeling of clothes, in which case the feeling of certain clothing could be unbearable to him and even cause pain. Try things without labels and seams, soft cotton items.

FateReset · 03/09/2024 08:18

Some people should be locked up

It's not illegal in England provided it's not hard enough to leave a mark. I haven't used physical discipline with mine but it's more widely used than you're maybe aware of. I've seen other parents smack toddlers or tap their hands. Not in anger but a sharp reminder the behaviour won't be tolerated.

Other options are naughty step or corner, though not ideal when in a rush.

TheGriffle · 03/09/2024 08:18

If it’s a nursery day and he’s refusing to get dressed can you take him in his pyjamas with his clothes in a bag? Give him the option to get dressed in the car when you get there or just hand him over in his pj’s, explain what’s going on and he might decide to get dressed himself once he’s there and sees his friends dressed?

FuckThePoPo · 03/09/2024 08:19

I would leave him in his pj and then just start talking about clothes such as when you're putting washing away, putting a wash on. ooh look at these! wouldn't Tom be a big boy in these trousers! Then move on. Ooh look at this big boy on the telly! What a good time he's having. I think toms got one like that shall we have a look? Basically big up the clothes to yourself iukwim. And so on and so forth etc. worked for me! Yes I'm rambling but you get the idea

FateReset · 03/09/2024 08:19

he could be struggling with sensory difficulties with the feeling of clothes

Would this not have been the case on holiday too?

theduchessofspork · 03/09/2024 08:19

It’s quite common at this age

I would try getting him to pick his outfit out the night before (limited choices - this top or that one) and lay it out on the chair - this might feel like more of a done deal to him.

Setting the clock and making it a racing game is great, but it doesn’t sound to me that he’ll engage right now.

A star chart is also worth a go, with rewards at the weekend if he gets a few.

If that doesn’t work then I would dress him the night before in t shirt and joggers he can wear to nursery as PPs say.

Flossyts · 03/09/2024 08:21

Put him to bed in something bland but acceptable for nursery. Get his actual clothes out for nursery the night before with something really cool - ie Spider-Man/ dinosaur t shirt. Make a big deal the night before over how cool it is.
in morning say time to get dressed- point out the really cool t shirt. But don’t fight with him- shrug and basically say ‘your loss’ in 2 year old speak. Go to nursery in the boring clothes.
Repeat the following day.

TragicMuse · 03/09/2024 08:22

He's 2. Why does he have to get dressed?

If he's naked he needs to put something on, but at that age it hardly matter whether it's pyjamas or not. As long as he's clean, warm and comfortable that's all that matters.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/09/2024 08:24

It's not illegal in England provided it's not hard enough to leave a mark

That doesn't make it right ffs. These are the parents who will start complaining when their DC start slapping them back as a 4 year old

OP I wouldn't leave him in pj's on the days he doesn't have nursery as others have suggested. That will just make him more resistant to it on nursery days and much more of a battle.

FateReset · 03/09/2024 08:26

He will associate getting dressed with extreme stress and go to even greater lengths to avoid it

Erm, he's already going to great lengths to avoid it and associating it with extreme stress. Allowing this to continue and having to physically force him into his clothes as OP is doing will reinforce it far more than any punishment or discipline.

All 2 year olds test the boundaries at this age and practice autonomy (in different ways) and since he was ok getting dressed on holiday I'd say it's unlikely to be sensory processing issues. Unless of course he wore very different clothes on holiday or climate was different eg could his bedroom feel chilly?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 03/09/2024 08:26

Is there a reason that he can’t go to nursery in his pyjamas?

I took dc1 in theirs a few times. Not a lot happened, nursery changed him into his clothes for outdoor play without any fuss.

Pick your battles - mine are teens now and this is so important!