2 year old really doesn't want to get dressed

[heygabb]

He contorts himself, screams, has tantrums and makes it do hard for me to dress him.

I've tried giving him choices, trousers first or top? Or even two different outfits but he just kicks off as soon as it's time to get dressed.

I have to physically restrain him and use a lot of energy to get him dressed. It's very stressful.

What else can I do to make this easier ?

I think it's mainly because he doesn't want to go to nursery because on a recent holiday he was not behaving like this. But at home, even when I tell him he's not going to nursery, he behaves like this. It's a struggle every day !

i would try not to turn it into a battle too much, however it is non negotiable on nursery days.

have you tried taking the pressure off?
put his cool Spider-Man (or whatever) top on the bed while you’re getting dressed. “I’m getting dressed, your spider top is on the bed” wait for a reaction and take it from there? Rephrase into statements instead of demands. “I’m wearing my lovely blue top today, I wonder what you’re going to wear?” “I cant go to work in my pjs, my boss would think I’m ready for bed!”

maybe for a while on on non nursery days just let him be for a while in the mornings if you’re not rushing out? Pop his clothes on the sofa and say “let me know when you need help getting dressed”

it’s often about choice, resistance and demand avoidance at 2, I promise it’s a phase and will stop soon!

Leaving him in pjs could be a strategy. I know mums who bring their kids to nursery in pjs and give staff a bag of clothes to change them into. Or leave them in pjs, you can't really tell at this age. Pick your battles I guess.

But in the long run this may backfire! Especially when you want to go out on non nursery days or weekends, and as he gets older. And if he's slept in the pjs won't he have breakfast spills on them?

@FateReset not necessarily, sensory difficulties can be more pronounced at times and affected by stress. On holiday it's fun and relaxing, and perhaps he was wearing different clothes. Of course it may be not be sensory issues in this case but I wanted to throw that out there because of his strong reaction to getting dressed. If all the other suggestions of making it fun, giving choices etc don't work, it's definitely worth considering.

They should be locked up

Night before, as he's getting into bed, lay out his clothes and say 'your clothes for tomorrow James*, now what story shall we read"
*or whatever term of endearment you use. No debate, no choice, just factual, and then into a story.
If nurseries are set days, it might help given him a simple chart so he knows if it's a home day or a nursery day, I know he's only little, but don't underestimate how awesome toddlers are at understanding!
Do you know if he's struggling with nursery? My dd hated it, and in the end we moved her to a child minder where she was much happier.

If he was good over the holiday, and the behaviour has started now, then he's trying to communicate something to you. Maybe see if soft stretchy clothes help.

If he struggles with nursery, then the added sensory pressure of getting dressed could be too much - whereas on holiday he doesn't have to worry about that, so he an "cope" with the clothing, if that makes sense.

All those saying take him to nursery in pjs, with clothes for staff.
No. It is not nursery’s job to get them dressed. You are the parents, put in place those boundaries and stop expecting other people to do your job.

Why does he have to put something on if he is staying at home?

My son is the same, he will takes ages to get dressed. He's moved on a bit from the tantrum screaming now that he is 2.5+, but it was just replaced with running around/hiding half-laughing half-crying. If we try to force him then it will end up in screams.

The best solution for us has been to go against all advices above lol. I get him dressed as soon as he wakes up: trouser / T-shirt, done. I don't give him choices or time to think too much about it. He is usually quite cheery when he just wake up, so with mixed up with some cuddles etc it goes well 99% of the time.

On weekends when we don't have to go anywhere by a certain, it's a bit more relax and then we give him choices etc. Explain we have to get dressed to go here and there.

Somehow waiting for "his turn" helps too, so I would say "little sister first, DS second". But if your DS doesn't have siblings, you could try with "mummy first, DS second" and get dressed before him.

If all the other suggestions of making it fun, giving choices etc don't work, it's definitely worth considering

I agree. Sounds like OP has tried all the choices, making it fun strategies. But sensory issues or not, he still has to get dressed. Presumably he's ok with putting pjs on, and I assume OP dresses him in similar soft, stretchy, breathable daytime clothes. If not I recommend she does 😊

I wouldn't be worrying about ND at this age though as this is very normal toddler behaviour.

Even if sensory issues play a part, he still needs to tolerate getting dressed for hygiene reasons, to allow mum/dad to work, to keep warm in winter. I went down the route of all organic cotton and merino wool and removing all labels for my son as a toddler, but around 5 he outgrew this sensory issue and is now fine with most fabrics and styles, doesn't notice labels etc.

My 2 year old DD is going through a phase of wrinkles in her socks, wanting the shoes and socks taken off and put on repeatedly, but I think it's more the attention/control. She's fine if I put them on in the car or buggy!

I often dress him in the clothes for the next day.. for bed. All his stuff is stretchy and comfy to sleep in.

However, he wears a nappy at night. So I do need to take the nappy off in the morning and put his underwear on and his socks, as he doesn't like sleeping with socks on. So there's a small amount of dressing to do. Today I just had to take his nappy off and put underwear and socks and shoes on and it was difficult.. I don't have time to play some elaborate, long winded game every day.. it needs to be a quick thing.

I already get him up at 6ish, as his sister has to be at school too and she has to be on time.

I'll have a read through some suggestions, thank you.

He also just randomly loves taking off his underwear and trousers when he's home. Maybe it's some sort of sensory thing. It's really annoying tbh. He's often just not wearing clothes from the waist down and when I try to put them back on, he just takes them off again.

How can I not force him? I force him every day when he needs to get dressed. Yes of course if he doesn't need to, I don't. But sometimes he needs to get dressed. I don't like forcing him and I've come here to ask for suggestions as to how not to force him, but if nothing else works, you just have to force him sometimes.

I can't send him to nursery half dressed. I already take him to the car with no shoes on sometimes as he takes them off constantly. So I just put them on him when I take him into nursery and not before. But I can't take him to nursery with no trousers on.

I had this exact issue with my daughter at this age too, I feel your pain - it's hard work. She's 4 now and thankfully its gone from a daily tantrum to once in a blue moon.

The only thing that seemed to work for us was turning it into a game. I'd have to pretend I didn't know where each individual piece of clothing went - put her leggings on my head and ask if she liked my hat etc. 😆 It can be exhausting when you're trying to get out of the house on time. Being stern and forceful didn't work for us, but making it fun was pretty much the only solution. Sometimes I still have to resort to the game now. She does love a sticker chart too though.

I can’t believe it took so long for this to be said. Not directed at you OP because you obviously recognise this but getting your child dressed before nursery is the bare minimum. It’s not their job to get your child dressed because you cba with the aggravation.

To be honest if you’ve exhausted all the fun strategies I’d just pin him down and do it. I think choices and discussion about things like this sometimes wind very small children up more than if you just got it done, especially when it’s something they very clearly don’t want to do and won’t be persuaded into. And I say that as someone who is very relaxed parent who picks my battles carefully.

My daughter is always doing this at home.
I just let her to be honest.
Apparently my sister was exactly the same!

I had one of these. I don't agree with those saying let him stay in pyjamas on non nursery days as you need to get into the non-negotiable routine. if/then makes it too complicated.

I seem to recall I would do thinks like say 'it's trousers time' or 'nappy time!' because the 'time' to do things is different from me telling them to do it. I would also say 'can you get into your top before DD1 has brushed her teeth? 1,2,3, go!' etc. Or I would hand them something very interesting to look at/ play with and change their bottoms while they were looking at it.

I can see that you feel like making it into a game is too time consuming but ultimately it is pushing through and getting into the routine with both of you arriving at nursery in the best mood possible. That is quicker and better in the end.

As for the discipline and corporal punishment approach, you know what kind of person you are. I'm not someone who could or would ever use these authoritarian approaches but it's silly to pretend it isn't effective for some people. What it does to the relationship long term is another issue (probably not as straightforward as any of us think either).

Remember that two year olds are supposed to test all the boundaries - that’s their job description and that’s absolutely developmentally appropriate.

You can redirect his attempts to assert control with a bit of fun. Hide his trousers in the room and challenge him to find them. Or put his trousers on his head instead of his legs. Play hide and seek with his toes, looking into the trousers and wondering where his toes are (so he’ll push his leg through and you can find them)

At this age you have to choose between the energy of being playful, and the energy of being stressed and cranky.

Like I said, I've been there. Forcing a 2yo turned into forcing a 5/6yo which didn't really address the root cause. Your 2yo might just be testing boundaries, as others have said. Most likely he is. But if you've exhausted the other tactics suggested here, maybe there's something else going on. Hope you find something that works for you.

Yep, I'd do (and sometimes do) exactly this. You. just. get. them. dressed. They're 2 so it's not that you physically can't do it.

Blimey, he's not a dog.

Maybe try some visuals to show him. Take some photos of a simple morning routine and have them available and visible in his room to remind him of what's going to happen on nursery days and the sequence of events. Alternatively perhaps a "first and then" visual. "First it's time to get dressed, then its time for breakfast"

My DD is nearly 3 and can be a little like this. Her main thing is she wants to choose her clothes, which are 100% never weather appropriate. However, a couple of things that I don't think others have said as I've had the getting dressed refusal a few times.

If I want her to wear something and she refuses, I usually then say something like "OK then, it's MUMMY's! Mummy's jumper! Mine!" Occasionally I'll pretend to put it on. The fact that I've got it will then make her jealous and she'll nearly always snatch it off me and put it on as she's not quite mastered sharing!

When she refuses to get dressed it's very often because she's tired or more usually hangry. If I take her downstairs and give her milk or something to eat she will very often let me dress her sitting on my lap in front of the TV.

Solidarity, I've just come out of a very long phase of tooth brushing refusal. These things do pass.

Stop the choices. Treasure hunt for clothes????? Wtf. Talk about letting 2 year old rule the roost. Total madness.

Some people shouldn't have children.