To hunt down these bastards who exposed my son to chicken pox

[littleredbumblebee]

User name changed as outing

went on a caravan holiday last week for 5 nights and my son who is 11 played with some kids from other families and had a great time- all good

On the last night one of the smaller boys was running around with no shirt on and he has spots, one of the other families asked and his mum said oh he has chicken pox but we though getting away would do him good.

I told her my son had never had chicken pox and said I bloody hoped my son was not going to come down with them. One of the other parents also said they should not have brought the kid. Basically it ended up with them going inside the caravan in a huff. The next day we all left

So today the day before my son is use to start at high school he woke up covered in spots and now has chicken pox and won’t be in for his first week at high school. Tonight he is now crying saying he won’t name any friends now and he won’t know his way around and no amount of comforting will calm him down. Very few kids for his school are going to this high school and he is so upset he will have missed out on making friends.

We have been in touch with his form tutor who has been great and has said they will support him and catch him up but I could bloody scream. How can some people be so bloody selfish.

Helpful!

@twodowntwotogo you sound like an insufferable prig. With absolutely no idea that anyone else has a different life to you.

I am often more inclined to get upset when I am ill; from what I dimly remember of having chickenpox aged about 6 I expect it's the kind of disease that plays on your emotions. Hopefully your son will feel more positive when he recovers!

Secondary school was so big and overwhelming for me I don't think I made friends for months, and I don't think that was that unusual, so a week probably won't make that much difference. If you're lucky missing the first week might make him stand out (in a good way) amongst his peers, rather than just fading into the crowd. Y7 at my school was all seating plans and things so you often weren't next to the kind of people you got on well with naturally and it took a while to gravitate towards them.

Didn't quote the post i was replying to - was in reply to the Chicken pox parties in the 80's.

Yip! I got my chicken pox at one of these, all the cousins together 😀

Our friends wee boy had Chicken pox so we sent ours round but unfortuantely he didn't catch it.

OP - poor timing but i'm sure it will be ok.

Someone I know took her baby with chicken pox on a holiday with 4hrs Easy Jet flight involved. Her reasoning "who cares, I am not going to ruin my holiday, it's the 2nd day and not very visible anyway". Mind you, she is also married to a very religious man who likes bringing God/what's right to do acc to God in every second convo.
People do all sorts of things they should not.

It is better to have it now. However the parents should have let you make the decision of whether to expose him to it or not.

Yes I'm sure it potentially wearing off after something like 15-20 years was also a risk factor as it's more dangerous to get it later in life.

This!
I was going to vote YABU as everyone gets chicken pox at some point, and he's done well if he's got to 11 without catching it.
However if you're deliberately exposing people to it by letting your kid play out on holiday, you're an arsehole.
Could be immune compromised or someone who is pregnant about.
So YANBU

"Pox parties" are bloody stupid as well.
"I know, let's take my kids to a party to make them deliberately poorly!"
🙄

Back when chickenpox parties were really popular, chickenpox was pretty unavoidable as a child. It was much better to have it at 4 or 5 than it is as an adult. There were no vaccines then. Getting it out the way when it’s milder is definitely preferable.

We asked our paediatrician about this and she said that the vaccine does not last and people who have it are more likely to get shingles in adult life.

Really feel for you OP. My son would have been gutted to miss the first week of senior school. It was really selfish of the parents.

Some people can get chicken pox twice.
My ds got chicken pox a couple of weeks before a big Disney holiday. We checked with the doctor as as long as all the family had had it we fine to go. We had all had it my dh and I definitely, and my dd had it diagnosed by our gp. Of course dd came out in allover spots, headaches etc in 40deg heat during the second week. A new at work said......oh a lot get it twice!!

Erm where I live, this would be seen as fine and totally ok - much much much better for boys particularly to have chicken pox as young as possible. do you realise that not having chicken pox as a child (particularly for boys) can mean bad news later in life??? Seriously. You’re overreacting. The timing is shite I agree but he might have caught anything at any time and being poorly is always a risk! Don’t tell him his fears are correct- they aren’t. Of course he will make friends. One week is nothing!!!

Our NHS paediatrician (UK) said the reason they do not vaccinate is because the vaccine does not last and so people who have it do not maintain their immunity and are more likely to get shingles as adults than those who are not vaccinated. She advised us against getting the vaccine on these grounds.

Completely agree it's better to get it as a child as an adult.
I'm a child of the 80s so remember "back then" well.
Just going somewhere solely to make your child deliberately ill is ridiculous.
Like you can control the severity, good luck with that!
Rather not play roulette with their health.
If they get it they get it. Not deliberately give them it. Madness.

Don’t worry Op, my daughter had covid (post restrictions ) and missed start of high school. She was also panicked about not making friends. I spoke to form teacher who said friend groups change weekly at the start of school. Which was true she had no issue making new friends when she started and it wasn’t really till yr 8 when she settled in a friendship group mainly with friends outside her firm class. Even now there is some movement in and out that group and likely new friends will form in gcse classes this year. He’ll find his tribe x

to go against the grain here, our paediatrician (in London) advised to get the CP vaccine as in his long career he had dealt with the tiny percentages of cases where it ended in disability or death.

we opted to pay to have both our dc immunised for more pragmatic reasons as we didn’t want to have holidays cancelled or unexpected weeks off work - or in this case missing the start of school. Even a vomiting bug is over and done with more quickly than CP. the cost of the vaccine is a tiny fraction of what friends have lost in terms of holiday cancellation (high insurance excesses) or unpaid leave as they couldn’t take sick leave for dependents .

And op your dc will settle in ok - friendship groups move a lot. Are there lunchtime or afterschool clubs he can join?

OP I'm so sorry you are in this position. I have a child starting Y7 this week and it would be horrid if he couldn't start on day 1. Your son will almost certainly be fine and settle, but you just don't need the stress.

I'm very much of the opinion that the other family were selfish. Since when has it been OK to knowingly go near other people when you have CP? Yes I'm of the age of CP parties, but really it is selfish.

I knew there was a vaccination, but it wasn't aware that it was available in the UK when my kids were younger (not that long ago). Both caught it in the normal run of events. Would I have paid for it had I known? Possibly. My eldest caught it from a cousin who was staying so had it quite badly (I believe viral load is heavier if it's a household member who spreads it - not sure how true this is), my younger child caught it at school and it was milder. Hopefully your son will have a milder version.

You're are not unreasonable to be upset.

@babyproblems its mumps that can cause fertility problems for men, not chickenpox.

Poor kid, hope he feels better soon.

There is a phrase that goes something like The trip that saved you from the fall.

Getting chicken pox now is bad timing, but getting it as an adult can be fatal.

There will be a lot of kids getting ill in the first week of term, not least with Covid. Plenty will miss some of the introductory week or two. Perhaps getting chicken pox now (having had one vaccine will help lessen the severity in any case) could be better than a dose of Covid he could have caught in week 1.

And maybe the friends he makes in week 2 will be nicer than those he might have had in week 1.

You are assuming everything would have been perfect without this bout of chicken pox. That is an unfounded assumption :)

The JCVI has recommended that vaccinations for chickenpox should be added to the childhood schedule

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/childhood-varicella-vaccination-programme-jcvi-advice-14-november-2023/jcvi-statement-on-a-childhood-varicella-chickenpox-vaccination-programme

Better twenty years late than never I suppose.

This thread is wild. Like COVID debates all over again.

NHS clearly have reservations (other than cost) about efficacy of vaccination.

It’s never a good idea to be cavalier about catching an infectious disease. It may be mild and give you/your kid ‘immunity’. But it spreads the infection to more people, some of whom will end up v ill. And in the case of CP, ‘immunity’ is a moot point, as once you’ve caught it, you’re at risk of shingles, which can also make you v ill. Better to have a healthy immune system.

I imagine I'd be aware if someone was immunosuppressed if they were close enough to be playing with my toddler.

Fucking hell, now even the vaccines not on the schedule will get used against you if your child gets a common childhood disease as per the entirety of human history, because you didn't get the new vaccine that not even everybody knows exists, for your child.

As with most vaccines you can still catch, and pass on, said ailments and diseases. But of course OP it's your fault for not pulling 150 out your pocket for an optional jab. To be fair, on the other hand, if you're going to moan about your child getting a common illness on mumsnet you're really to expect this response. Such a sesspit here. I love to hate it!

Anyway, your kid will be fine, and hunting them down sounds absolutely ridiculous of you. Let it go. Kid could have been carrying a multitude of illnesses that he wasn't showing for or the parents weren't aware of. Unfortunately these parents sound like dicks who did know and let him play with others anyway, but again, on the flip side, this is called real life and is just a normal thing that can happen. Hope kids feeling ok.