Too big of an age gap?

[confusedthirtysomething2]

I mentioned to my sister and close friend that I dated a 32-year-old when I was 19/20 (we started dating a week before my twentieth birthday. We went on holiday together and stayed friends after we split up. I didn’t feel groomed or exploited but friend seemed to think I was. He was emotionally immature and I’ve always been an “old soul” apparently (whatever that means).

I personally think that if two people are over the age of consent and if your partner isn’t old enough to be your parent, it’s fine.

Friend and sister STRONGLY disagree. AIBU?

If you were happy, then all is good. It sounds like it ran its natural course and you split up without too much trauma. All good to me....

But, then again, when I was 23, I was dating a man who was 51. When I was 25, I dated a man who was 55. When I was 26, I met a man who was then 49 and we have been together for 8 years - married with a child. Age is but a number.

Just to add, I’m 35 now and I really couldn’t imagine saying a 23-year-old but I wouldn’t judge a friend for it.

12 years isn’t much

They can strongly disagree all they want - they weren't in the relationship, you were.

If you're sure it wasn't anything dodgy then it was just one of those age gap relationships, I don't think it's their place to convince you it was grooming!

I’m 34 and currently being pursued by a 21 year-old man.

At first I was like “no way”, but I’m starting to consider it because his messages are really sweet and he’s exceptionally good-looking.

All the friends I’ve told have been 100% supportive of me ‘going for it’.

MN is generally against age gaps, especially if the man is older.

I think it's this OP. Why can you never imagine dating a 23yo? A lot of us feel the same way. When you're 32 it's not normal to look at a 19 year old and want to get in a sexual relationship with them. Hence why the gut reaction is that it was questionable and creepy (on his part) to have wanted to get with a teenager. It's good that it's not anything you have any obvious trauma linked to though.

When I was 19 I was engaged to a 35 year old. It was a good relationship. Until it wasn't. Age nothing to do with why we broke up.

12y isn’t that much imo as long as the younger party is 20+ which you were.

I don’t know many couples with significant gaps tbh. Most of my friends are with men or women who are 0-8y younger or older. So I haven’t seen it play out in practice.

Don’t worry about what they're saying OP. It’s not like you were Eunice Winstead.

I briefly dated a 30-something man when I was 19. I can see now I was far too young for him. I thought I was mature, he had a ‘young’ job and lifestyle, but it’s just not right.

The way I always think of it is: what would you think if a friend your age now turned up to the pub to introduce folk to his teenage girlfriend? I’d be having strong words with him, that’s for sure.

Well I'm only 20 and I have a 50 year old FWB. He's the most caring, considerate man I've ever been with and we have more in common than you might imagine. I know it isn't quite the same as being in a full relationship but maybe one day I would like us to be. As another poster said, age is just a number.

I have an 11 year gap (22nd anniversary this week) and it has been fine, however now he is fast approaching retirement age I feel that I will be left behind and by the time I retire he'll be less likely to want to do much.

Agree.And it’s actually insulting to people who have been groomed.Seriously how can you be groomed at 20 years old by someone who’s 12 yrs older, you’re both adults.It would be different if a person was 16 or younger.

It is a bit too old but not completely cringe. If it is a different generation or could be your parent, then it is creepy, over 15 years is too much.

WTH? No.

I wouldn't call it grooming but I think it's weird honestly.

Your brain is NOT fully developed in your early 20s no matter how mature you think you are.

No what?

It's your life but you'd be crazy to tie yourself to a man in his 50s when you're in your 20s. You'll be stuck taking care of an old man before you reach middle age, and you'll likely be a widow by your 50s.

What is a bit ick to us once older is how a person in their 30's can think it's appropriate, the tongue in cheek, but sort of works, formula for what is socially acceptable is to halve your age and add 7 so at 19/20 that would be 27.

Basically the older you are the bigger the acceptable gap, my dp is 8 years older than me, if I'd met him at 20 (turns out his sister and I had a mutual acquaintance, small world) i would have dismissed him as being too old for sure, I he would have thought I was still a kid really as still at university

My sister was 20 when she met her fella aged 32.

Maybe, but I love his company and I regard him as the perfect gentleman. We're also very much on the same wavelength in many areas. In any case, for now at least, we're just having fun.

When I was 19 I had a boyfriend in his late 20s. Completely consensual and fun, didn't last long. Far less complicated than relationships with people my own age at the time

18 and 28 when me and DH met 24 years ago.

No he isn't married. He divorced his ex wife 5 years ago because she had an affair. This 'ninny' as you describe me knows exactly what she's doing, thank you very much. Why do you have to be so nasty?