To ask what would you do?

[autienotnaughty]

Spoke to sil yesterday she brought up dn birthday which is next month she invited dc to the party (soft play) then back to theirs for a get together. All good. Kids are all 4-6 years old and get on well.

That night dh gets a text from one of his oldest friends they are doing a bbq at theirs to introduce their new baby. Same day same time, all dh friendship group are going plus partners. Dh wants to tell sil we can't make it to nephews party as we are already going to bbq.

I want to ask mil if she will take dc to the party while we go bbq. The we all meet back at sils. We would have around 3hours at bbq. Dh is worried we would look rude leaving early and bbq may not have started by that time.

Wwyd?

We would both prefer to go to the bbq. But either dc miss their cousins party which sucks for them or mil takes them but we would still need to pick them up so would have to leave the bbq to do that. (All this is taking place in a different city to where dh and I live. So I wouldn't ask mil to drop them home)

Would DC enjoy the BBQ or would they be sad to piss their cousins party? Is DH not close to his sister or niece?

BBQ v Soft play?

I would be at that BBQ without question.

I would ring SIL and ask DH had already make plans when you accepted and you've tried to see how you can fo both,bit it doesn't seem possible.

Dc not invited to the bbq. We would have to get a babysitter.

Either mil who is going to sils anyway but we would have to collect dc from there as mils going out that evening. So would need to leave BBQ between 4-5.

Or my mum and dad in which case dc miss the party. But we don't have to rush back.

It just seems like doing both isn't going to work. Probably best to stay with the family party on this occasion.

In that case your SILs party is the one to go to, unless you think your MIL really wouldn't mind taking them. It'd be unfair to make the kids miss out and it's cheeky saying you've got a better offer but can someone still take the kids. Obviously you wouldn't word it like that but people aren't stupid.

I'd go to my nephews party.

Go to the BBQ for a few hours and leave at 4. It's to meet the baby, you'll have done that.

If its his sister's child then he should take your child to the party and give the bbq a miss. You accepted the party invitation first and its his family relationships and child's party.

I would pop along to bbq and then all leave and take kids to party. You could turn down party, go to bbq and the bbq finishes at 4 anyway. Especially given they have a newborn.

I would do this too.

This is DP problem not yours. Let him decide and sort the mess.

His friends, his family.

I’d say to DFs would love to go but have DNs party starting at X time. Ok with you if we stop by until then to meet the baby. Unless the relationship is poor I wouldn’t put the BBQ in front of family as much as it might appeal as being more fun. There’s bound to be other BBQs.

You go to the first invite.

Your husband can pop out for a couple of hours to go to his friends bbq.

I'd go to my nephews birthday and then arrange to visit friends and their new baby as soon as it suits them separately.

1.First invitation
2 Family first
Compromise- go to soft play as it’s for the chn after all then go to bbq.

I'm trying to get my head around hosting a bbq/party when you have a 3 week old! Also very odd to make it an 'adults only' type of thing when the 'main character' is a baby? It sounds like what you really want to do is ask your MIL to babysit the kids (cheaper/more flexible than a sitter) and take them to the DN's party while she's babysitting so that you and your DH can have a sesh with your mates. No judgement, everyone deserves a 'night off' but it's not really fair to split your MIL's attention between your kids and the birthday boy imo. Personally, I would go to the soft play party with my kids and tell my DH to make our excuses. Being a parent is mostly something we choose and sometimes we have to put our children first even if we are missing out on something which looks like fun for us. Truthfully though, if I was your SIL and you cancelled to go to an event with friends that could turn into a proper sesh, I would totally understand - as long as you didn't ask my son's Grandparent to babysit your kids on his birthday.

I would opt for this too.

I agree re 3 week old baby!

They haven't specifically said no kids. But no one else has kids in our group, so we never take the kids to meet ups. It would change the vibe taking a couple of kids along and their house is not set up for kids. (Yet!)

What is the quality of the men in this situation?

We seem to have one with a newborn who thinks hosting a bbq is a good idea and another who is concerned spending 3 hours at a bbq hosted by people with a newborn isn't 'enough time'.

Popping into the bbq with the kids then heading to the party would be my plan.

Personally I would go to the soft play/birthday party, as I think that's the more important event. And if the SIL is your DH's sister then let him sort all of this out, including the awkward phone conversations - step away and let him do this!

What's wrong with having a BBQ with a baby? Where did OP say it was all a man's idea? She did however say her kids aren't invited to the BBQ

This

MIL takes kids to soft play. You (either you alone or both of you) leave BBQ in time to get to SILs party. You accepted SILs invitation first but I don't think there is any need for you to go to soft play if MIL is willing and able to supervise your children there.

Can you imagine a situation whete a bbq with a 3 week old isn't a mans idea?

But thats why I asked, we don't have very much info so only the OP will know the answer.