To not go to bed when OH suggested/told me to!

[Enough999]

Does your OH tell you when to go to bed?

If they do, is it reasonable that they get angry, swear at you, and tell you are childish when you don't comply?

Have other issues, another example, was chopping veg, told, by OH, from sofa, that I wasn't doing it correctly. I said gently...I'm fine thanks, they continued...I had to repeat myself at least three times, that I knew how to chop x, but thanks. Again, told I was unreasonable.

Feeling done, again, in this relationship.

DH might gently tell me the time at say 11pm if I've lost track of it reading a book or whatever and have an early start the next day (11pm is late for me). He would never demand I went to bed or shout/control me about it.

He would also never tell me how to chop veg. He'd be scared that he'd be told to do it himself then would have to cook it. He's just happy to be fed, how it's prepared he wouldn't care less. I'm also left handed so it looks odd to the majority of the population anyway.

I'm afraid your relationship sounds extremely controlling

YABU for putting up with this. Get rid of him.

Remind me I've been moaning I'm tired and should probably go up to bed before I find myself watching rubbish til 1am? Yes. Shout and swear at me for choosing not to? No.
He does backseat cook sometimes and gets swiftly told to back off unless he'd like to do it himself or find the cooking tools shoved somewhere painful.....I'm not usually my best self when meal prepping 😂

He’s not in charge.
Go to bed when you want, preferably without him.

If DH is asleep on the sofa I’ll suggest it but if he says no then I leave him to it, he’s an adult

Life is too short. Leave him.

You should definitely get rid. Ugh.

That's where I've got to this morning tbh.

That's what I would do with him, if he's reading in bed, I'd let him carry on and go to sleep.

This morning he's saying because I didn't respond well to my request that it was my fault that he got angry and he shouted and swore at me.

I think I just wasn't engaging in the conversation, as I was doing something. It didn't feel like a conversation last night, just felt like I was being told.

Oh I hate that, how rude he sounds! There’s absolutely no reason for him to be shouting at swearing at you about anything, controlling bellend.

Mine will tell me how to chop veg, but i'm left handed and terrible at it so I don't mind. He'd never tell me to go to bed.

Please tell me you're going to dump him, he sounds a right knob.

He sounds like an ex of mine. I'm wondering what other areas of your life he tries to control.

Gaslighting.....are you married? Any DC?
You should leave him really before he gets worse, he'll be telling you you can't go out next

I have told him that he is responsible for his own emotional regulation. He was getting very shoutyand sweary last night, and blaming it on me.

The thing is, it's a regular pattern of him getting stressed, then telling me that I have a tone in my voice, I am being childish, after a few minutes I do normally crack...then he tells me how I am being childish, and how I can't keep control of my emotions.

I regular say I want a divorce, but apparently I would ruin everyone's lives, and I am told how inconsiderate I am.

He wonders why we don't have sex.

What?
God help my husband if this was the case.
Only joking.

If you want a divorce, get a divorce. He's clearly a controlling prick. I bet that these little sets of instructions are just th etip of the icebert and there are all kinds of things you're not allowed to do or that you avoid doing to prevent an argument.

As your username suggests…Enough.

He'll only get worse the older he gets.
You ruin everyone’s lives by getting a divorce. You’ll be happier for a start!!

I'm assuming what you've described is not an isolated incident? If this is a pattern of behaviour from your husband then - absolutely he's being controlling and that needs to stop.

However by continually asking for a divorce - and then not doing anything about it..... you are teaching him that you don't really mean it and that you will put up with his behaviour so he's got no incentive to change.

If you've rally had enough now (and I don't blame you) - get your plan together about HOW you will divorce - see a solicitor and start proceedings.

🚩

... it was my fault that he got angry ...

Pretty much everything you need to know right there.

YANBU, OP.

Yes, mine does.

But he doesn't swear or get angry when I don't go, he pulls me off the sofa by my legs and we end up laughing like little kids.

I haven't gone to bed at the same time as dh for nearly 20 years! He sleeps early, I'm a night owl and I would be livid if he tried to tell me what to do.
He does have a tendency to try and tell me how to do things, but 'I'm fine doing it my way' suffices unless it's something he really does know better.

If you've had enough ..don't threaten divorce. Just sort it. Then no one will tell you when to go to bed or what to do.

Why does he want you to go to bed?

Does he stay up once you've gone to bed?

What does he get up to when you've gone to bed?