Garden Hell

[Aelathehuntress]

I’m buying a house from a family member. The garden is basically a jungle. It’s an overgrown mess but was initially planted with love & my family member wants to dig up & take things which are massive including 20+ year old trees. We really need to get the garden cleared but my (beloved) family member is procrastinating & when I ask what things they want to take they are umming & ahhing & not taking much action. Last summer I spent hours cutting the garden back & said don’t let it go out of control again, if you want to take things do it now. Nothing was done & it’s back to out of control & they don’t even seem to know exactly what plants they want. I’m frustrated & feel they should just let it go. It’s going to be too hard to dig all this stuff up & costly to hire someone. Of course there will need to also be considerable holes dug at my family members other home to replant all this stuff. So…

YANBU- They should let it go. Start again in their new garden & this time don’t let it get overgrown.

YABU- Family member should be able to take as long as they need to take the plants they want. Even if it puts us way behind schedule with the move etc.

I would also like to add I really love my family member & don’t want to upset them in any way. It’s a really tricky situation but I’m desperate to get this garden sorted now.

Thanks in advance.

Do you know of a gardener? Perhaps arrange for a gardener to help with moving the plants and give beloved family member a choice of dates. If they don't take you up on the offer, proceed to clear the garden.

How on earth are they going to move 20 year old trees planted in the ground? The likelihood of successful replanting is slim to none.

Allow them to tag all plants they want moving with markers of some kind - a brightly coloured zip tie would do. You can work around that until you’re able to get someone in to shift them.

Give a deadline of mid September for this - Monty Don said on Friday it’s a good time to move things as the routs can get established before it gets cold.

Where are you in the process of buying the property? Personally I'd just leave them to it until the property is yours then do what you want with the garden. You can give them a deadline for uprooting any plants they want to keep then proceed however you wish.

I agree with @kitchendiscotime crack on with the process. Pay particular attention to what's written into the contract about fixtures and fittings because any plants they want to dig up and take with them should be noted in the legal documentation. That said, they're a loved family member and you don't want to distress them. However, once the house has changed hands they'll probably be even less inclined to spend a lot of money and make a lot of effort to transplant things. I certainly wouldn't help facilitate any of that because the chance of success is so low.

Two ideas. Will they be able to visit the garden once it's yours? if so they might find it preferable to see it restored and their treasured plants and trees in their element being looked after and secondly, could you perhaps gift them cuttings and some replica plants for where they're going to so as to continue a link? Impress upon them how upsetting it would be to dig the trees and plants up, and deprive you of enjoying them, with a high risk of them dying anyway and both of you losing out.

Moving a 20 year old tree is unrealistic. It will cost a fortune to transport and replant and it’s highly unlikely to survive. The ground it’s going into would need to be very well prepared and it would need constant watering and feeding

Do you currently own it and live in the house?

If yes tell them they had 30 days or the gardener is coming and stripping it. Put it in writing so when they moan you have proof.

Thanks for all the responses. Unfortunately we don’t want any of these plants. The way they were planted and how they look etc isn’t in our plans for the garden. We just want a nice lawn & this was planted all over the place with stones etc that we want to get rid of. Because nothing has been maintained the trees (everything) has grown craggy & just looks horrible so I would want to strip the lot & go back to lawn. I’ve tried to say moving the trees is unrealistic. There are also massive established 20+ years hedges they want to take. We haven’t brought the house yet, we are doing it up (using our money) then buying/moving in when it is habitable. I will definitely mention the Monty don thing to them.

Where is your relative moving to and what stage is the whole process at?
I think you just have to leave this is until the move is a reality and your relative has to make hard decisions supported by professional advice from a gardener.

Oh if it isn’t your house yet then I don’t think there is anything you can do tbh.

Very risky move to pay to do up a house before owning it.

We haven’t brought the house yet, we are doing it up (using our money) then buying/moving in when it is habitable.

That's a very strange way of doing things. Even when buying from a relative. It blurs the boundaries. How is the house insurance organised?

If it's not habitable presumably your relative has already moved elsewhere?
Why have you not moved forward with the purchase?

Yikes I don’t think I would be doing any work in a house before it were legally mine, surely all the work you do will impact the sale price? Negativly for you?
no matter how close you are with a family member, things go wrong and people fall out particularly when there is money involved. Please be careful x

If you haven't bought it yet you need to step back and let them do it in their own time. You sound pushy and now isn't the time to move things anyway. October/November.

If you are buying it then they have until completion to remove plants - it’s not your responsibility. Treat this like a normal house sale and set some boundaries.

The last message puts a different complexion on the quandary, it would have been useful to know that you don't want any of the planting anyway OP.
If you haven't bought it yet, then it's the owners prerogative to do whatever they want and in their own timeframe.

Regardless of how close the relationship, it's very ill advised to do work to a property you don't own.

Buy it now. Then crack on with the garden. If you need to make the house habitable then concentrate on the interior so you can live there and forget about the garden until it’s yours.

Do not do the garden until it’s legally yours, what if the family member falls ill and needs care home fees, changes their mind, gets dementia and can’t sell up or, worse, sees you doing the garden getting rid of all her favourite plants and falls out with you?

Once it is yours tell them a gardener is coming on x day and they need either to have removed plants and taken cuttings before then, or they need to mark them with something like a yellow ribbon and the gardener (aka you) will try to save them and put them in a pot but makes no promises they will live.

Get a gardener in (or bribe a keen gardener mate) to tell you what’s what, pull anything up that’s salvageable and stick it in pots and drive it and leave on their doorstep.

You can’t move 20 year old trees (unless you have a crane and jcb to hand).

If all else fails get the PlantNet Id app - it’s about 90% accurate.

First of all stop doing anything until you legally own the property and when you are going through the purchase what they want to take with them will all be documented.

Yes, agree with everyone that first get legal side out of the way and only when you are an owner look at sorting things.
You can be generous and give your family member some time to take plants out or not give them any time but do nothing until the house is legally yours.

It's always advised not to rip things out of a garden for a while until you live there. They are probably only wanting to take them because they know they are getting destroyed. I would be very slow to let a 20 year old tree out of my garden as it takes so long to grow a tree and same for a hedge. Let them dig up a few rose bushes but slow down on ripping everything out as you may regret it.

As per previous posters - moving large trees or shrubs is expensive, difficult and will fail unless a specialist digs them out (with equipment). Make sure your relative takes responsibility for moving anything before you purchase so you aren't left with a bill. Until you own it- do nothing unless it's essential (likely to damage the house or fences or is dangerous). There's no point!

Stop doing up a house you don't own.

Buy it. In the meantime they take what they want.

Once it's yours then grass it over.

Please don't remove the hedges!

Moving established trees/hedges is highly unlikely to succeed. This is doomed to failure. Let them crack on, but I’d tell them everything needs to be moved by the date of completion, as per a normal sale.