To be annoyed at MIL and SIL’s treatment of my DD?

[Cantwaittogethome]

Currently staying with in laws. My DD is 3, and sees the extended family rarely. Whenever she sees them, they try to force her to hug them which she doesn’t want to do. They give her gifts they’ve bought her, then pretty much ignore her for the entirety of the visit other than to admonish her for not giving hugs or saying thank you for things enough.

The reason she doesn’t have a good relationship with them is because they make zero effort with her - never play with her, give her attention or read to her. So I’m not surprised she feels the way she does (she adores my parents who make the effort to spend time with her on the rare occasion they see her).

I gently try to encourage DD to be kind to them, but she’s quite resistant. I can see them both giving each other looks whenever DD refuses to hug them.

What else can I do?

Hmm, OR the child has picked up on the negative vibes from MIL and SIL that they aren't "behaving the right way" and is avoiding close contact with them as a defence mechanism. Kids are often more clued in to adult behaviours than adults are and they respond to body language and tone of voice more than adults. It's not OPs fault that the ILs are awful. OP says they are even awful to their own family member! OP, I agree with a PP re the slightly passive -aggressive approach of looking at the adults while 'talking' to DC. Eg "of course you don't have to hug someone if you don't feel like it" or even "don't forget to say thank you to MIL and you can high five her if you'd like to". Good luck. It's your Me too moment

She shouldn't be forced to give hugs, but there is no harm in n her being told to say please and thank you.
You are staying with them, so do they live quite far away? And your own parents live close by?

You can’t do anything . They will never have a relationship because they rarely see each other . It takes a long time to build a bond . It doesn’t just happen . As you said you won’t be repeating it anytime soon.

My DC is the same with in laws. They’re just not around enough. We invite them over and we go see them but they make excuses to why they can’t visit. When they finally clear their timetable to see DC they try to force an intimacy with her too, like wanting cuddles. They completely ignore her after the initial hello and talk about their lives while DC is right there. I take her away and play with her, leaving them to moan on to DH.

DC sees my parents more and even with them she can be standoffish at first but they get down on the floor and play with her and take her exploring around the house. I feel she smiles more and is more relaxed with them.

They are two different types of visits and in laws may think they will bond later when DC is much older and can sit down in a restaurant maybe, and have a conversation. As she is still a toddler they may find her a handful and they have made it clear they prefer very little disruption in their lives.

No doubt your child senses the off vibe about them.

No way should any child ever be forced to touch or accept being touched by an adult.

Such an important message to be clear upon.

They bit your partners head off so he decided to allow their awful behaviour to continue towards his child?

Lovely.
Another weak man.

Pack up and leave early and stay away.
No child needs toxic family around them.