To think this is more than enough for DD7's birthday?

[augustbettycardigan]

A friend asked me what I was buying DD7 for her birthday as she didn't want to double buy for her party later. When I showed her, she was immediately shocked.

This is what DH and I bought her:

DH and I have bought her:
a Barbie sequin notebook = £5
a mini LOL bubble surprise = £4.50
an art and craft scrapbook kit = £6
a unicorn hair styling kit = £6
electronic toy dog = £9
a mermaidcoin surprise egg (it is huge) = £13
a barbie unicorn doll = £3
a kinder harry potter surprise egg = £1.50
2 sparkly princess dresses = £21

In total around £70 I think.

I feel like this is a perfectly reasonable amount. DD7 has got about this amount for her 5th and 6th and never complained. Majority of it is things she actually requested and then we threw in a few extra bits as well. But my friend thinks she should have one big gift alongside all the littles ones. I don't even know what I'd get her - she has an ipad, headphones for music, her own picture camera, a kids microphone etc. I'm happy to get her whatever she wants and that's what I did. I then chose other stuff that I think she'd love and would actually come into use as a lot of the time, she gets bored of her toys and they'd go to waste.

She is also going to get lots and lots of presents from family friends as we are doing gatherings with them. And she will have a class party (that my friend is going to) with at least 20 kids depending on how many will come and that is a ton of presents too. Majority of the time, we have to put presents in the loft as it's just too much for her to play with.

I just feel like the friend was judging me a LOT and mentioned how her kids always got new electronics. She has an 7 year old and a 10 year old and her 7 year old is lovely but her 10 year old is completely spoiled. She is allowed every junk food and every plastic toy she asks for and her ipad is always breaking so she gets new ones. I just think that is ridiculous because my daughter's ipad has lasted 3 years so far and is still in good condition. I just feel guilty that I'm not spending enough on my daughter now.

Am I Being Unreasonable?

If you think it’s ridiculous and her kids are spoiled, why let yourself feel guilty? Make your own mind up and use common sense.

I just feel like the friend was judging me a LOT and mentioned how her kids always got new electronics. She has an 7 year old and a 10 year old and her 7 year old is lovely but her 10 year old is completely spoiled. She is allowed every junk food and every plastic toy she asks for and her ipad is always breaking so she gets new ones. I just think that is ridiculous because my daughter's ipad has lasted 3 years so far and is still in good condition. I just feel guilty that I'm not spending enough on my daughter now.

Lol, she's not the only one judging is she?

This is your child, you're her parent so buy her what you want.

You don't need our approval or your friend's.

It’s perfectly ok to get what you can afford and manage your child’s expectations so they are happy with it. From your post, it sounds like you do that so I don’t see the issue.

I despair for the environment sometimes 😥

Why are you giving so much credence to what your friend is saying?

Firstly, it's really rude of your friend to criticize what you're planning (at all but especially if she isn't completely certain of your finances - £70 is a lot of money on top of a party). You don't need anyone else to approve your presents as long as you and your daughter are happy. But in case you're interested in my opinion, yes of course what you have got is completely fine, you've clearly put thought into what she will enjoy.
I got a £7 plastic playset for my similar aged son last year along with some other stuff and he has played with it loads more than the more expensive Lego set he also got. I also got a card game from a charity shop which I happened to see and knew he'd love and that has been very popular - he doesn't care how much it was.
I hope she has a lovely birthday.

That's fine.
About twice the amount I usually spend.
Mostly we did the "one main present plus a few small novelties" but that's because of what my daughter wanted at the time.
During the lockdown there wasn't much my daughter specifically wanted so I got lots of novelty things like the type of things you'd get in a Christmas stocking - I even made a '"birthday stocking" (it was lockdown.... people did weird stuff 😂).
She was perfectly happy with her stash of Pokémon cards and Hot Wheels cars and whatnot.
It's about what YOUR child would get enjoyment out of. Ignore your friend.

Seems perfectly appropriate to me what you have got. Ignore your "friend"...

She's judging you for not spending enough, am I right? Or is she judging you for the specific type of presents you are buying - too much plastic, sort of thing?

YANBU and it’s none of her business anyway . Personally we’ve always done a few gifts only for birthdays so1 expensive and 2 less so expensive . They don’t need a pile to open , it’s not Christmas .

You know it's plenty.

You don't approve of your friend's parenting style (me neither). Perhaps she has picked up on this. It's not nice to feel judged.

My child doesn't have a device and she's six. I'm internally judgy about my friends kids who have had them for years. I'm sure they have opinions about my parenting but they haven't shared with me or if they have I paid no attention.

Just use your own judgement.

Nothing wrong with the amount you are spending but that’s quite a lot of things. I would probably buy less items but more expensive things. It obviously depends on what you and your daughter want but if it was me I would probably be looking to just get 2 or 3 items.

It's no one else's business. I spend quite a lot on birthdays and Christmases but I don't have any opinion on those that spend less. It's none of my business, none of anyone else's business what I spend, etc.

Good grief that seems like a huge amount.. we usually buy 2 presents max, about £5-10 each . When you add in all the crap from parties and relatives it's still a huge pile.

At this age they just love opening stuff. It doesn’t matter if it’s flashy or expensive.

DS is getting a new tablet for his 6th birthday (we have an old Amazon Fire on it’s last legs so we’ve gone for something with a higher spec and a stylus as he loves art/drawing and it will work as a brilliant distraction for him on days out etc. as he gets sensory overwhelm - hopefully it will save us having paper EVERYWHERE too!). However, despite it being an expensive present, I’m worried it will be a bit underwhelming as he won’t have lots of different things to open!

My daughter turns 5 this week. I’ve got her a Barbie ambulance -£25 in the Amazon prime day, 3 dress up outfits -£7 from Vinted and a PJ masks tower and characters £10 from Vinted.
she’s having a soft play party with 10 friends and family round after.
it’s more than enough and even though we could spend more I don’t feel that she needs it.

At this age they just love opening stuff. It doesn’t matter if it’s flashy or expensive
This is they type of attitude that is wrecking the environment, ours were bought up to appreciate things not just want a pile of tat .

I know, I think that list is insane. Our kids get about 2 presents from us, usually second hand or books!

These threads normally crop up around Christmas too.

OP will post a big pile of pressies.
Most of the posters will say its way too much and much more than they would ever dream of spending, and a thread will insue of competitive misery.

Spend what you want op. Your 'friend' is wrong if you are happy with what you have bought.

What did she want for her birthday? What were HER expectations?

DS has ever wanted a lot. We stick to that and don't go overboard. If there's something to expensive we manage expectations.

You should not be buying in line with other peoples expectations or demands. If she's happy great. If it's what you can afford great.

But don't go above that either. Because you can't afford it, it sets expectations for next time, because it's not actually wanted nor appreciated...

It's up to you what you buy her and none of he's business. Don't give it another thought

Yeah and on Facebook too

Accompanied by photos of huge piles that can't fit under the tree.

As you're seeing from the comments on here, MNers hate multiple gifts or spend. If someone is happy giving a book, great. If someone is happy giving 30 presents that cost £500, great. Just do your own thing as long as you're happy with it.

I think it is plenty, child doesn't know or care how much it costs and it is a lot of lovely presents, don't worry about what other think (me included!)

Thank you for all the responses.

I realise it wasn't very nice of me to judge her for her parenting style when I said I didn't want to be judged so I apologise for that but I think it's just annoying that she seems to think I don't spend enough on my daughter.

Was not actually expecting people to think it was too much though. She put the LOL doll, the art kit, the doll, the surprise egg, the kinder choc egg and the 2 sparkly dresses all on her list and they are easy for me to buy so I thought why not. That's all she asked for and I don't think it's a ridiculous amount. I also wanted to give her some surprises from us hence the notebook, the unicorn hair kit and the electronic toy dog. Maybe it is too much plastic but it's what she enjoys. Anyway, that's not what my friend was shocked at - it was the amount I'd got her which she thought was very little.

I am well aware that I should use my own judgement which I did but I wanted to make sure that it was a reasonable amount.

@UsernamePain That sounds lovely and it's very similar to what I bought my daughter for her 4th birthday

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 I understand what you're saying but I think she loves the idea of unwrapping and having a pile to open. It's just something little kids like and I know people will judge that but whatever. My older 2 kids are 12 and 14 and they've started getting more expensive presents (like clothes, electronics) with fewer to open as they understand the value of money. But as she's only 7, I know that this is what she'd prefer and at the end of the day, I just want her to be happy which I hope she will be!