To find this odd of DP

[Gingerandhoney12]

I've been having a tough time financially recently and struggling with my ex DP due to us sharing our DC. He was also abusive to me in our past relationship we spilt up a long time ago though.

Ex DP had upset me a few days ago relating to our DC, I also plucked up the courage to express struggling with money to DP. This is due to alot of legal bills and didn't know if I could afford our trip away next year.

I just felt DP wasn't really listening. DP called and said that she had not really had time to reply to me as she was too busy. I felt upset that she wasn't listening and felt like she was saying I wasn't that important. So I did put the phone down. I just needed to be alone and I did text this to her. About 1 hr later she turns up at mine with flowers and chocolate and hugging me saying she's sorry (she literally never does this, ever)
I told her my worries and that I was super upset about various things. All was fine and it has been the past few days.

I saw DM today, she asked if DP turned up at mine with flowers and chocs. I said yea how do you know and DM has never been a great liar. She said oh I'm just wondering. I knew she had spoken to DP some how. After a few questions I asked if DP had contacted her and she said yes but please don't tell her that I told you.

So when I hung up on DP apparently she called my DM and expressed that she was upset that I'd done this (wtf). They then discuss on the phone about me being upset about my ex and my financial hardships. DP has not mentioned this to me.
Aibu to find that bloody weird. DP never calls or texts my DM or family normally. My family do really like her and get along but I've never known them to text.

It all just seems a bit sly from DP to go behind my back and do that.

For context this is a same sex relationship.

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Maybe she was worried about you?

Sounds like she was worried and your mum sounds like she was shit stirring

Few things. What did you need to 'pluck up courage ' to talk about money? Secondly she's completely out of order for discussing your disagreement with your mum. It's a betrayal and I've no idea why she did it.

Perhaps but she's never text or rung my mum before in our relationship

I think your mum sounds like more of the issue here, to be honest.

I guess I felt embarrassed admitting I was struggling.

When I first had DC my abusive ex started texting my DM and putting me down or saying he was worried about me. He hated my family and never had text them before. He also hid that he was texting my DM until she told me. So I guess I'm feeling a bit the same and why she has not told me she text my mum if she was worried about me. Seems all secretive

You shouldn't feel embarrassed about discussing struggling with your partner. That's what your partner is there for, to support you through life's downturns. You should feel able to discuss anything with them

You need to tell your partner not to discuss your relationship with your mum again. I'd dump someone who did this; it's bizarre.

Maybe she didn't understand why you hung up on her, was worried, wanted to put things right and asked your mum for advice.

Your mum suggested you needed to be heard and an apology so she followed that advice.

Either way, your dp was trying to put things right. That's good, surely.

Either way, your dp was trying to put things right. That's good, surely.

Just because you're comfortable with your partner discussing your relationship with your family, doesn't mean everyone is. My relationship has got nothing to do with my family and our arguments certainly don't.

Perhaps there was good intentions but I agree and believe going behind my back and discussing our relationship to my mum is odd when she hasn't done in the past. It makes me feel uncomfortable especially since she hasn't told me she done this.
Wouldn't she say I was worried about you so called your mum to check you were OK but she didn't. She was also then sending pics of our day later on to my DM which I thought was odd as again she had not done previously.

I'm just concerned because my abusive ex did this from an isolation pov and tried to paint me in a bad light to my DM when actually I was suffering with PND and in am abusive relationship

I would be furious.

Contact Galop and discuss your relationship with them. They're an LGBTQ support service for domestic abuse.

Thanks I didn't know about this charity. I've only called womens aid before in the past

https://galop.org.uk/

Nailed it.

Sounds like she was worried. Putting the phone down on someone who hasn't done/said anything wrong is pretty aggressive, and if aggression is out of character for you, she'd naturally be worried.

Does your mum know that you hated that your ex tried to manipulate her with the contact?
If so, she’s completely out of order indulging your current girlfriend doing the same thing.
A polite, “girlfriend, Ginger would hate you calling me - you need to call her” would have been the right response.

No it sounds like she was worried about the OP.

It also sounds like the mum wanted to let her daughter know that her partner had been in touch to discuss the situation rather than hiding it from OP.

Which is not really surprising given that the OP was in an abusive relationship and her abuser was contacting the mother behind the OP"s back. The mum probably doesn't want to be in that position again.

I think this bit gets lost, but its important;

''I just needed to be alone and I did text this to her. About 1 hr later she turns up at mine with flowers and chocolate and hugging me''

You got stressed, needed to decompress, asked for space and you were not given it. This doesn't sound like concern from the two women who are supposed to have your back. It sounds like they need you to be ok so that they can feel ok.

You did something out of character, she was worried so she did something out of character to help her understand and support you better. I presume sending photos was to show you were doing ok.

Just have a conversation about how you feel she overstepped and how you're extra sensitive because of your ex, listen to what she has to say, and ask her to please not do it again or tell you.

Eh? Maybe her girlfriends actions were a bit inappropriate, calling the mum as she hadn’t before, but it’s a bit of a stretch to say there is domestic abuse going on.

Well actually she was telling me that she didn't have time to look properly at my messages where I stated I was struggling with ex and financially and I was trying to explain on the phone but she weren't listening. She was not that busy from what she had told me she was doing chores around the house.

Well there been a few other things recently but I didn't want to bring it all up as wanted to get opinions on this action of DP. I do feel a bit confused about the relationship recently but I don't know if I'm being "over sensitive"

That’s pointlessly and unhelpfully misleading people though.

Almost everything that’s problematic as a pattern can be dismissed as a one-off.

You have your concerns for a reason - don’t create a thread of people giving you an excuse not to listen to your concerns.

Give the true picture if you want actually useful comments.