Is it me? Honest opinions please

[Itsitnee]

In the pub with DP and dd (3). We had said we would nip in to get her a quick meal on the way back home as it was getting late to cook when back. At the table we chose her a kids meal and I said I think I will have a kids pizza. Dp very clearly sighed and looked exasperated. I did not react well to this and asked what his problem was. He said he was surprised I was saying I wanted food as we had said we would just take dd in for her meal. I said clearly he was sighing because he didn’t want to spend money and he said it wasn’t that it was the change in plan he didn’t like.

for context money isn’t (or shouldn’t be) a concern as we earn well over 100k between us and the meal in question was 7 pounds.

he is saying he shouldn’t have sighed but was just confused as to what was going on. AIBU to be so pissed off at this reaction to me literally just saying I was going to order a kids pizza? I don’t get why that warrants a sigh?

I don't get it - is there a back story? You're angry that your husband sighed?

Maybe it was genuinely that he didn’t like the change of plan and that irritated him. I don’t know.

It wasn’t a mild sigh, he was visibly annoyed that I had suggested I have a pizza

.... The man exhaled and you "didn't react well"?

It's you, you're the problem. HTH.

I'm with dh sorry.
You were getting dd a meal, then presumably go home put her to bed and you and dh eat.

In the pub you decide on a kids meal. Does that mean you'll still be hungry later because it's only a small thing or not or will you jjst want a sandwich? Dh doesn't want a kids meal so he'll be eating on his own later and what's in that you can cook for 1 etc

Why not just say, as we're here shall we grab something for ourselves?

Load of posters will probably tell you how unreasonable he is to control your eating or spending, but I'd be annoyed if my DH did what you did.
If you agreed to feed your child, but now you are eating too, will he be hungry later when you won't be, should he also eat now?
The change of plan without consultation would annoy me too.

@Cinnamonkie he has sort of said this, that he didn’t know what the plan was which was why he sighed. Surely me saying I will have a pizza means I am hungry so let’s eat?

Well if the idea was to just get the child something to eat, presumably the plan was for the two of you to have a meal at home. So you having something there, changed 'the plan'?

I don't know how big of a deal that might be, but you jumping straight to him being tight about the money is probably telling.

I can't believe you have written a post about something as minor as this and frankly I can't believe I'm commenting on it!!

It's so weird to me to make an issue over something like this if money isn't an issue and you don't have set plans for later.

It's not like you'll be there any longer as you'll eat alongside DD.

Being rigid and inflexible makes relationships stifling.

I also despise people sighing and being passive aggressive.

YANBU

(All this is assuming no ND dripfeed).

We plan whether we're going to eat with DS or have something more interesting after he's in bed with a glass of wine, and if DH suddenly decided to have a pizza at 5pm I'd be frustrated as we don't generally have anything in that serves one for me to eat at 7pm.

Both unreasonable. It’s an odd reaction to sigh in annoyance just because you said you wanted a pizza, but equally you could have asked what was wrong without sounding confrontational.

Not really because it's a child's size pizza and hardly a meal.

Surely me saying I will have a pizza means I am hungry so let’s eat?

No. Saying ‘Actually, I think I’m hungry now - shall we eat here too?’ would be clear.

It would piss me off too OP if you are hungry you eat it’s not up to another adult to have a huffy opinion on it.

Did you lose your voice with the hunger or could you maybe have said "hey shall we just eat here with dd, I really fancy a pizza?" Perhaps giving him a chance to look for himself too instead of just announcing your meal in a total change to what both of you had already decided.

All sound a bit IsItMeMeMeMeMeMeMeME.

Did you ask why he sighed? I don't understand. Was it definitely because of money? Or was he expecting you'd eat dinner together later and now you wouldn't be hungry? Or is it because you were in a rush and he thought you ordering food too would take extra time?

The fact you even need to post about this is bizarre. As is your reaction to a sigh.

I think you should have made it clear that you didn’t want to pop in to feed your daughter, you wanted to stop so you could both eat.

Maybe he was looking forward to having dinner with his wife later and now doesn't know whether she will be hungry or not and is trying to think what's quick and easy tl cook for one. If you're in a relationship you should communicate, not just do what you want.

I think the communication is the issue.

I would do what you did and dh would probably react the same influenced by his adhd.

Or communicate and not huff.

I mean, you’re basically both a bit crap at communicating.

You agreed a plan. Then instead of saying ‘let’s change the plan, I’m hungry’ you just ordered an odd snack-size meal. Your partner, instead of saying ‘oh, are you hungry now then?’ sighed in a pass-agg fashion. Then you’re stewing on it.

weird.

The sighing would piss me off too. Can't be arsed with that level of stress and seriousness over tiny things.
Like does it really matter if you get a little pizza now as a snack? And if it leaves him frustrated or confused about the plan then fine but use your words
What is with the passive aggressive sighing that people do? My husband is currently king of 'the sigh'
Can you tell I've had enough of it 😆

I think probably better to say that than just announce that you've decided to have something. Do you think you might have form for agreeing to do something with him and then doing something different?

Sorry but I would have also sighed because it’s really odd behaviour on your part. You’ve agreed DD is eating now and you guys will eat later. Then you randomly pipe up you’re having food, completely contrary to what was just agreed and to make it worse you’re having a kids meal which is kind of embarrassing for an adult and may even be questioned by staff as a lot of places are strict about them only being for little kids. He was probably thinking ‘wtf’ and I doubt it had anything to do with the £7.