To go on a girls holiday in a relationship

[ughmen]

Is it wrong in a relationship?

My boyfriend is driving me mad!

Hang on a minute...

I agree with the pp who says that ideally we could do with some context. Can you afford two holidays, both money-wise and leave-wise? How long is this holiday for?

If it doesn't impact your finances or your combined leave, then he can't stop you and nor should he be trying. But if it does impact him on this occasion, then he gets his say, just as we'd support you to have your day off he was going off with the lads on a trip you can't afford it that prevents you having a holiday together.

So what's the background to the trip?

Nonsense.

You either trust your partner or you don't.

Going on holiday with girlfriends is perfectly acceptable.

You sound controlling, too.

“We all know what’s likely to happen on them, and people will act as their peers do, not wanting to be different.”

I don’t know what kind of circles you move in but this is absolutely not true of people I know. I’ve been on many many hen dos and nothing has happened that a husband or boyfriend would have to worry about. Just ladies having fun together. Similarly many men on stag dos are like the one you mentioned- wanting no part in anything inappropriate.

People in healthy relationships should be able to trust each other to go away and have fun with their friends with nothing more to worry about.

Perhaps you might accept that things have changed in those 6 decades and your views may be a tad out of date

Yes I do accept that!

Its wrong for him to say its wrong.

@ughmen isn't coming back, theres a number of these one post threads today, all the same style of question with no context

Been married for nearly 60 years! No one I know would be happy for their partners to go on hen do/ stag holidays. I think it’s a case of What goes on in Vegas….! When you’re young and fancy free - fine! I just don’t think it’s appropriate in committed relationships. It’s asking for trouble however faithful you are. Anyway most people grow out of liking that sort of holiday.

Absolute rubbish!!

I've actually been married for over 40 years and I trust my husband. He trusts me.

I think @Bignanna has very strange views about what men and women are likely to do when away from their spouse. I certainly don't agree with him/her.

I guess you could help but notice that all the other posts are saying it's OK

I’ve been married for 24 years. Next year I’m going to India for three weeks with a friend and the year after that it’s Canada. Tell him to fuck off @ughmen

And here's another highly questionable post......

Is it her fault or responsibility if she’s getting leered at then?

Will she not be able to resist these leery men?

I go away three weekends a year with my mates. Husband does the same. Why on earth wouldn't you.

I can't stand the idea of being so enmeshed that you can only do things with your partner.

@DreamW3aver It’s about respect. It’s about the fact that the reasons he likes and loves her so much do not and will not and should not be compromised just because “she has a boyfriend” and he thinks she should change herself.

She is not a princess in the least but neither is she into subsuming her autonomy for an 18 year old man (who is actually lovely).

I cannot believe I am having to explain this.

1 OP hasn't said a hen party.
2 I think it's really sad that you have so little faith in the people around you and think that they'll all be shagging anything that moves if they don't have their partner there to stop them.
3 I am nearly 50 (edited as originally said I was nearly 5! hahaha). I can't say I'm wild about hen nights, but if money permitted, I'd very very happily go away with the girls for a weekend. Inevitably we'd find a spa, li eon a beach, do some sightseeing and drink too much while actively avoiding any men we see!

4 In almost every case where a man doesn't want his girlfriend to go out with the girls etc, he's very happy to have days at the footy with the boys, go on stag does, head out for golf etc. It's almost always a one way street.

As for your age - irrelevant. my parents were married for nearly 50 years. For many of those years my father took part in a hobby without my mother, spending hours and hours with his buddies without anyone assuming he was out for a shag. Meanwhile, my mum had a long and established history of going out with a few girlfriends for drinks, dinner and other activities.

What an odd attitude. People in "a loving relationship" don't want their spouse to go away with friends? I guess my definition of a loving relationship is different to yours. In my world, a loving relationship means wanting your spouse to be happy, and to have a good support network. Like the kind you maintain by spending time together. What you consider "loving", I consider needy, controlling or codependent.

But everyone is different.

Same with me! I just can’t see that going on that type of holiday would go down well with partners, and I can’t imagine many being happy with their partners spending all evening in the pub with others. I’d spend evenings out having a meal with work colleagues, but I wouldn’t be going to Benidorm on a hen do- not my idea of fun. My husband wouldn’t stop me doing anything I wanted, but I could understand him not being happy about the events described.

Clearly I'm too stupid to understand how "your job is to make me want to be with you" is anything other than her telling him what to do and by implication saying she is the more important person in the relationship

Mine loves me going away. He eats what he likes, spends half his time on the golf course and watches crap TV. The downside apparently is that he has to wash his own pants!

Your in a relationship, not prison. Go and enjoy yourself!

but I wouldn’t be going to Benidorm on a hen do- not my idea of fun.

Choosing not to do something be cause it's not your idea of fun, is totally different to choosing not to do something because your DH wouldn't like it.

@DreamW3aver I think you're jumping to conclusions there. I woudl assume in a situation where her DD said that to her boyfriend, the assmption is that the DD's "job" is also to be a loving and supportive partner to her BF but not attempt to control him. He could turn around and say the exact same thing to her if she announced she didn't want him playing football on a Wednesday night.

Same with me! I just can’t see that going on that type of holiday would go down well with partners, and I can’t imagine many being happy with their partners spending all evening in the pub with others. I’d spend evenings out having a meal with work colleagues, but I wouldn’t be going to Benidorm on a hen do- not my idea of fun. My husband wouldn’t stop me doing anything I wanted, but I could understand him not being happy about the events described.

Why? What does he think you'll do?
Do you think spending time in the pub with friends always leads to cheating?