To go on a girls holiday in a relationship

[ughmen]

Is it wrong in a relationship?

My boyfriend is driving me mad!

TheSandgroper · Today 13:06

To quote my 17 year old to her boyfriend. “I am with you because I want to be, not because I need to be. Your job to to make me want to be with you”. I am so proud of her like you wouldn’t believe.

That's fucking fab! 👏 You have raised her well.

My 2 DD are both in long term relationships (now late 20s) and go away with friends 2-3 times a year. From 2 to 6 day trips. Their partners go with their mates too although only once or twice a year for weekends only. They also go away 2-3 times a year together just them, (2 to 7 days,) and another couple of times on top with their friends and the two of them together (for a coupe of long weekends.) Always have always will.

Being in a relationship does not, and SHOULD not stop you being with other people - without your partner. It's unhealthy and stifling to just spend your time with one person.

I am sorry if this sounds patronising @ughmen but are you quite young? It's just that women I know who are 30+ and have a partner, would laugh and tell him to jog on if he started kicking off about her going on a trip with her female friends, and said she couldn't go.

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Of course it's fine to go on a holiday without him, you're not joined at the hip. I go on a girl's holiday every year, husband goes on a boy's holiday every year. Happily together for 18 years. It's fine.

Not weird. I have around 3 trip away with friends every year and have done since before our relationship. Start as you mean to go on.

Adding to the controlling chorus. Would he go away like on a stag do?

I've been with my DH for 20 years. I go away without him around 4x a year. Sometimes for a few nights, sometimes longer.

As does everyone else I know. It's perfectly normal in a healthy, balanced relationship.

I bet he thinks it’s fine for men to go on boys holidays though?

Seriously OP, I go away with friends at least twice a year. Or with friends once and alone, as well as with DH. The friends I travel with all have husbands and partners too, and it’s never even occurred to me that we shouldn’t be doing this.

Is he controlling in other ways?

My mum used to go on lots of girls holiday but my dad always said it was fine after they divorced he said he didn't like it at all.
Every relationship I've had my boyfriend at the time has said they would prefer if I didn't go on a girls holiday. I don't think most men would tbh in a loving relationship.
A hen do I would go but maybe not a random girls holiday as I wouldnt like my partner to go on a boys holiday either tbh. But everyone is different.

Not wrong at all assuming you can afford it.

No. He is insecure and controlling. Life is too short - go on the holiday. If he doesn’t like it tough beans.

What is your boyfriend saying? I went on a girls holiday and dh did nothing but wave me off and say have a great time. And that was when we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

Of course it's OK, not only do I do it, my dp cares for my dc ( not his) while I am away

I can see why hen and stag holidays could cause problems between partners. We all know what’s likely to happen on them, and people will act as their peers do, not wanting to be different. My granddaughter’s partner went on a stag do to Portugal, said he never would again, his mates acted appallingly, were gross annd immature and he wanted no part of it. When you’re young and free, fine, in a committed relationship, it’s not appropriate.

It is depressing how many threads like this I've seen recently.

For avoidance of doubt, it is totally fine to go on a girls weekend when you have a boyfriend. It's also totally okay to go out for drinks with the girls, dinner, or to a football match. And, wait for it because this one might blow your boyfriend's mind, it's also totally okay to go out with MEN who aren't your boyfriend because they are your friends or colleagues.

Do not let him convince you that this is a problem. Also, depending on how long you have been together, take a long hard look at any compromises you have ALREADY made. A few classic ones are:

fewer/no nights out with girlfriends. And if you DO go out, you make a point of being home early/ not drinking too much/ definitely no spontaneous partying.

Wearing differnt clothes becaause he doesn't like it if you're wearing anything revealing or sexy.

Letting him drop you off/pick you up (becuase he "worries" and "wants you to be safe") with the knock on effect that you can't be spontaneous

Turning down invitations for post work drinks or other work-related socialising. x100 if you have male colleagues.

Reassuring him that you are not interested in that man over there ( a friend, a colleague, a random bloke passing in the street).

Possibly even letting him see your phone to reassure him you're not talking "inappropriately" with anyone.

Similarly, reduced social media and deletion/blocking of many accounts.

Of course you go, if your DP is making you feel bad about it then dump him, it's controlling

Is it for a fortnight and you're leaving him with quadruplets to look after?

C'mon OP you can do what you want. A holiday is your choice.

Don’t think many men would be happy about their partners going out with other men, not part of a group, work colleagues, friends or not! And vice versa. I do not not believe all these posts on here that say otherwise. A works do - fine, as is going on holiday with the family without the partner, but otherwise it’s playing with fire and tempting fate.

This is one of the best posts I’ve ever seen on mumsnet.

@Bignanna I have no idea what your agenda here is or if you're a man or a woman. If you're a woman, I feel very sorry for you in the way you hvae absorned ridiculous ideas about people being out and about. Amazingly, I have spent many many many hours, social events, drinking days etc away from DH, sometimes with men at my table even and believe it or not, I have never even flirted with any of these people. I am not some weird abberation. Just a normal woman with a normal ability to socialise.

Ditto DH.

If you're a man - you are part of the problem and why women like OP come along completely confused and questioning themselves for wanting to do perfectly normal things with other perfectly normal people.

Nope
lots of hen dos

my friend had her 40th in Benidorm.

What on earth.

You are being controlled. Leave.

What is her job ? Tbh she sounds a bit like a princess, is he expected to bend to her?

Of course it's fine for you to go. Tbh this is a big red flag that your bf isn't managing his need for control and is projecting his insecurities.

Maybe your experience is this because your previous partners weren't into you enough to stay faithful

I think I can safely speak for the vast majority of women on here when I say we can pretty easily manage to to faithful on a trip away

Ignore @Bignanna they’re talking shite. Of course it’s fine.

Been married for nearly 60 years! No one I know would be happy for their partners to go on hen do/ stag holidays. I think it’s a case of What goes on in Vegas….! When you’re young and fancy free - fine! I just don’t think it’s appropriate in committed relationships. It’s asking for trouble however faithful you are. Anyway most people grow out of liking that sort of holiday.