Pregnancy secret

[Nmcl40]

I went to a concert last night with friends. I’m 6 weeks pregnant and obviously haven’t told anyone. I ordered lemonade and pretended it was gin and my friend gave me a glass of wine. When he wasn’t looking I gave it to my husband. Trying to hide it is so hard. What do I do in this situation? I hadn’t been drinking much in a while as we were trying to get pregnant so I was drinking non alcoholic stuff

If you don’t want to tell people, make an excuse - I had a heavy night last night; I’m on antibiotics; I’m TTC; I’m having a few AFDs, I just don’t fancy wine today, thanks - even I’ve got a bit of a headache and I’ve just taken painkillers. Don’t overthink it - others want to be convivial and offer drinks, but they won’t think anything of an excuse so long as you don’t make a big deal of it.

I'd go with TTC as this will probably not be a surprise to anyone. 'I'm on antibiotics' no-one ever believes, which is a bit of a pain if you are actually on antibiotics and everyone assumes you are pregnant.

I often think the less fuss the less you draw attention to it; do what you did last night. Say you’re driving as you’re up early if pushed for a reason or that you’re TTC

I wouldn't bother with the antibiotics/hungover type excuses. If you are the right kind of age and relationship status to be TTC most people will assume you are pregnant. Plus, you can't keep that up for every evening out.

Deception like you've already done is a better bet. A few sips of wine will be fine so that it looks like you're drinking it. Occasionally throw in the "designated driver" excuse.

The "omg I'm so hungover, I might vomit if I get a whiff of alcohol" covers you for not drinking and morning sickness!

I told someone I was antibiotics and she said congratulations on your pregnancy!! 🤦‍♀️

I thought if I didn’t make excuses they may not have noticed or it would have made it more obvious. I thought was ok to ‘pretend’ I was drinking. I did bring 0% alcohol gin and tonic cans and poured them in before anyone noticed. I really don’t want to tell anyone yet as it’s so early.

Definitely keep doing what you're doing. Nobody watches to see if their friends are actually drinking the drink in their hand, but if you make an excuse they'll start wondering!

I don’t understand why you can’t just say you aren’t drinking at the moment or that you have quit alcohol for health reasons?

I know loads of people who don’t drink alcohol. No way would I assume someone was pregnant just because they wanted a lemonade. Unless they were usually a very heavy drinker.

I cannot lie for shit. If they straight up asked me ‘are you pregnant?’ I would end up just saying yes and it’s too early to tell anyone. I constantly have anxiety about something going wrong and would rather wait till I know everything is ok. With women it’s different though as everyone just assumes ‘pregnant’ when not drinking

Are people really going to notice at a concert ?
How often do you go out for this to be a problem?
I assume at some point you will be telling people

"I'm not drinking, thanks"

Such a shame that this country has such an issue with alcohol that people saying no to it is a big deal! Just say no, you don't owe them any more or less than that.

I think it says more about the person asking ‘why are you not drinking?’. A simple ‘I don’t want to’ should be enough but people just make assumptions

How often do you go out to events where people would notice you not drinking alcohol?

Can you try and suggest plans which don’t involve alcohol instead? It’s only a few more weeks if you planning to tell people after the 12 week scan.

So let them? Who cares?

Stop caring what people think of your drinking or non drinking. If they bring it up then they’re arseholes – and you can tell them so.

I don’t think most people do think a woman is pregnant just because she isn’t drinking though.

Are you and your friends very heavy drinkers OP? Otherwise it just isn’t what most normal people would assume.

Yes I had this. I was prescribed metronidazole, which you actually cannot drink alcohol, a few days before going to a wedding.

Nobody believed it as an excuse and they assumed I must be pregnant, which was particularly annoying as I was taking it for a post-miscarriage infection.

Generally I think it's best to just quietly order soft drinks and realise that generally speaking people aren't paying that much attention, particularly once they've had a couple. That's harder if you're staying somewhere though, as opposed to a night out.

If someone outright asks you if you’re pregnant say ‘No I’m not, and just as well since if I was and trying to hide it you asking me is poor form, isn’t it? Imagine backing someone into a corner on something private haha that would be crazy!’ Later, when you do announce your pregnancy, the lie you told will be understood.

I don't drink (like, ever, I'm sober) and at another friend's babyshower her old school friend (who I don't know well) was hosting and pouring everyone wine on arrival.

I said "Please can I just have an orange juice as I don't drink?"

Her eyes went wide, she ran round from behind the table, squealed, hugged me, PUT HER HAND ON MY FLAT BELLY and went;

"OHMYGOD WHEN ARE YOU DUE??? DON'T WORRY I WON'T TELL ANYONE!!! THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITING!!!"

I said, "I'm not pregnant, I wish I was but it's not happening. I just don't drink."

And she replied, "well that's just fucking weird.
Maybe if you drank more, you'd loosen up a bit get pregnant! Red or white?"

She was 42, so it's not like I can blame it on being immature! Just an idiot.

Never underestimate the Great British Public's obsession with alcohol.

Going alcohol free is getting a bit trendier so you could say you're having a break and rave at length about how much healthier you feel...one woman in my circle who is AF keeps saying "my insides just feel so much cleaner since I gave up wine" and it's given so many people the ick they avoid any alcohol related conversation with her like the plague 😂.

I get around it, like you, by having something vaguely alcoholic looking in the appropriate glass...Ginger Ale and Lemonade has never let me down. Or diet coke and when asked (it's Jack & Coke, Vodka & Coke etc). The issue is when someone buys you another. I've got around this but it takes some creativity! I've had subtle secret codes going on with bartenders before now on rounds!

Congratulation by the way! You'll get round it and in a few weeks you can be open and honest.

And does it matter at some point their assumptions will be proved correct until that point just say you don't want to drink
I like a,drink but if someone told me they were not drinking on a night out I would just leave it at that.

Well she sounds weird and over the top tbh I think most adults can accept that others choose not drink alcohol without making a big deal ofcit.

Just don't think about it. If someone notices they will probably assume you're pregnant. If they don't say anything it doesn't matter, if they do say something it still doesn't really matter.

I was asked at a wedding if I was pregnant so I just said "Yes, but only a few weeks. It's early days so anything could happen". Shut down the conversation and nobody needed to lie. Job done.

You'd be surprised. Ask anyone who is long term sober what sort of comments they've encountered about not drinking.

I’m long term sober.

I don’t get these comments and never have, nobody ever asked if I was pregnant.

Just tell them? I never understood the waiting to tell. I told many family and friends early, and then had a miscarriage. It made it so much easier to tell them and I appreciated their support. Waiting to tell only perpetuates the idea in society that miscarriage is shameful. I told early when I got pregnant again. Everyone I know has shared early, I didn’t realise many people waited to tell nowadays.