Getting myself in a state about 2yo speech delay

[bluesacalling]

I’m spiralling this evening and just want some hand holding. My 2y 3m old is a happy, cheeky, energetic, funny boy and is meeting all other milestones but is struggling with his speech.

We are seeing a private speech therapist and are seeing some slow progress, but he particularly struggles with making certain sounds and refuses to imitate sounds/words which makes me think it’s something more than a speech delay. Speech therapist doesn’t suspect ASD (he’s very communicative in other ways and points, shows/brings me things and will look at me for reactions etc) but is concerned about his lack of muscle movement around his mouth (doesn’t purse his lips to kiss, can’t blow bubbles etc) and now I’ve gone down a Google rabbit hole of verbal dyspraxia and I’m spiralling.

Not even sure why I’m posting on here, I’ve heard countless of stories from people whose child/grandchild/nephew/friend/Einstein didn’t speak until they were 3 etc and all of a sudden had a speech explosion. But something in me just can’t imagine this happening with my son and I don’t know why. I’ve recently had a second baby so my hormones/emotions are admittedly all over the place and I’m absolutely exhausted so maybe this explains a lot. I just want to stop being an anxious, worrisome mess and help my boy 😔

@Sammyk85 she also thought it could be related to enlarged adenoids which again ENT pooh-poohed saying it was an outdated and not really a school of thought any more…

I have been in a similar position to you also OP. My DD had disordered speech and even I struggled to understand her if she went off topic, let alone anyone outside the family. I worried so much for her and what her future would look like. We started amazing private speech and Lang, online initially as it was all through covid at the start. Very gradually things started to get into place and now at age 9 you would never know that she was initially unintelligible! I think it impacted her phonics, not being able to sound the parts of the words correctly so we had to give her extra help there but now she’s doing really well.
I anticipate that as he gets a bit older and able to engage with speech and Lang more and more his speech will come on leaps and bounds.

If she’s part of the dyspraxia programme, she’d know and definitely best placed for you. The Nuffield don’t give diagnosis of dyspraxia anymore- however ours is a severe phonological speech disorder with traits of VD. You’re a long way off for school- but when you’re school age push for an EHCP. There are private schools within the UK that specialises in dyspraxia and associated disabilities, my son attends a private school that’s funded by the LA as it’s named on his EHCP. my son is also severely dyslexic and speech and dyslexia (not always) go hand in hand.
As mentioned the groups on FB already, have a look at them, another person has mentioned DLA, apply for that too. It helps a lot towards costly speech sessions, private reports etc.
if your son does happen to have a speech condition it’s not the end of the world, it’s very common and doesn’t mean he won’t be able to achieve anything he wants to.
good luck!

They say adanoids shrink (apparently) we were poo pooed on that one too

I know this probably isn’t very helpful in regards to your concern but I just want to say, you sound like a fantastic Mum. Whatever it is, I have no doubt all will be okay, because he has you x

@MummySam2017 that’s very kind of you. I feel like I’m letting him down by being such an anxious mess and not just enjoying him for who he is 😭

My DS had glue ear. Actually we had a bit of a battle with audiology as they insisted he could hear but he was passing the test because he was watching the audiologist. When he was retested it showed how little he could hear. He was good at lip reading though.

anyway, he didn’t talk until after he was 2, he had his hearing retested, was referred to ENT and had grommets fitted.

He’s fine now, except very loud and never stops talking. He’s off to university next month.

Yes my boy is two and a half. On the waiting list for SALT. He is going to nursery to help him. Is yours at nursery?

Though I do have a slight suspicion my son is on the autistic spectrum.

This sounds very familiar. From reading about glue ear he seems to have all the hallmarks - he only really engages when I’m down on his level, 1 on 1. If there is any sort of background noise then he won’t respond. He also focuses on my lips when talking to him which SALT picked up on. He tends to drift off and daydream in his own little world a lot too. I had grommets and adenoids out as a child and so did my husband.

But then I don’t know if I’m just pinning my hopes on it being that and not something more severe. Especially when audiology are telling me he is passing his hearing tests.

Yes he goes to nursery and they have no concerns other than his expressive communication. They have said everything else is on track.

My DS did not start talking until he was over 3 yo. He had some sounds that got him by and he did learn to say 'no' when he was about 2.

It was a very frustrating time. I did everything I could to communicate with him, made eye contact, gave instructions in the correct order. We had loads of songs with actions. We ran out of parts of the body to point to, even when getting a bit technical, colours and I grew jaded with counting every stair for him.

When I had finally by-passed the HV and he had been seen by audiology and speech therapy, he suddenly started talking, progressed in leaps and bounds and ST signed him off as normal for 4 yo eight months later.

I too had looked forward to that time of toddler chat, but even as an adult he is reluctant to put anything into words so conversations can be hard work. Yet when he does it is worth waiting for. 🤷‍♀️

Another one for glue ear causing the issues. Grommets changed my boy. The hearing test pass shows he can hear a sound but he is still likely hearing a muffled sound. I have never understood this and pushed for multiple hearing tests followed by grommets. Best decision I ever made for my son.

Mine didn't start talking till gone 3.

Now they're 8 and i can't shut them up! But i very well remember the stress of the speech delay and wondering when it would happen.

Try not to worry. It'll happen when they're ready.

My now-18 year old didn’t speak much at that age. I didn’t think much about it tbh because speach was clearly starting to develop but it was gradual. Also had glue ear and had grommets in and adenoids out aged 3.

Hey OP, I can relate, it's so easy to start spiralling about anything development- related. My eldest DS didn't speak much until he was 3. He had glue ear, for which he had temporary hearing aids (they don't do grommets under 3 in our area). He also has short sight and autism. They all contributed to speech delay and it was a hideously worrying time. He is 6 now and talks an awful lot. I haven't spiralled for a couple of years now.
Every child is different but what I would say is that DS has still never once nodded for yes or shaken his head for no.

This is exactly my thought and what the SAL therapist says too. She says with the fluctuating nature of glue ear the sounds will sound different every day so he doesn’t know what the correct one is so is reluctant to say anything at all.

If I had a crystal ball and knew it was definitely glue ear causing it then I would push and push for grommets but I don’t want to put him through surgery and a general anaesthetic for nothing.

This is very relatable! I feel very jaded as I’m putting in such an effort with him daily and only seeing a small amount of progress. Some days he will be very engaged and think we are getting somewhere only for him to be silent the next day. I need to be more patient but the longer it’s taking the more I am spiralling.

I would ditch the dummy asap. Apparently it’s unusual for it to cause a problem with speech sounds, but sometimes it does. Also, my late speaker, who had recurrent ear infections was a dummy user, and I wish I’d known at the time, but dummy use can be related to increased risk of middle ear infections, so worth ditching for that reason alone.

I worked in a preschool for many years. I saw quite a lot of children who were barely talking at 2and a1/2. In later years more were being referred to SALT and quite a few no longer had a problem by the time they got to the top of the waiting list.
Does your son understand what you say to him? Can he follow simple instructions such as put the teddy on the table. If so it is likely he will get there at his own pace.
Asking him to copy words can be counterproductive you can model correct pronunciation by repeating words he says but don't get him to copy.
Songs and rhymes are really helpful.
Most children develop language really quickly between 3 and 4 but they find their own pace.

The spiralling is the worst part isn’t it, I’ve made myself feel sick with worry tonight.

He has started to accompany the shaking of his head with a ‘nnn’ sound, and a ‘yeah’ sound with the nodding. Not all the time but it’s emerging so I’m just continuing to model it and say it for him each time.

Yes his understanding is fine for his age (nursery have said the same too) and he can follow most instructions but I do wonder if he has just got used to the same instructions each day as he knows what is coming.

I am learning to model the words that he should be saying, so if he brings me his empty cup I will say ‘mum drink please’ etc and I narrate everything that I do to him and try to get him involved. It’s just all so exhausting doing this with a newborn too and I felt guilty that I’m not giving him all of my time.

Hi

Firstly this resonated SO hard for me.

DC2 had a speech delay. I got all the usual "lines" - DC1 talks for him, lazy boys etc. But I knew this was not that. He also passed all his hearing screens but got a few ear infections in a short space of time despite having no risk factors (BF, non smoking household etc) and we got referred to ENT when he was 2.5, they kept telling us it was glue ear, he'd grow out of it or they would do grommets when he got to 8+.

I learned some basic sign language which eased the frustration for him - he was signing about 100 words and speaking 30 or so within 6 weeks. And I kept going to ENT, showing up like a bad penny every 6 months until we turned up one day when he was 5, not a drop of fluid in his ears and same result on hearing screen. They fitted him with hearing aids 5 weeks later and he was a different child.

He's now 13, and he wears his deafness like a badge of honour. Don't panic, don't get yourself in a state, your DC is doing just fine, you just have to be THAT parent and keep banging down doors for a little while.

@IAmClemFandango it’s reassuring to know that other people have felt the same and I’m not just losing my mind! Thank you for the advice.

Miss Rachel helped.

Also I can't find the link or evidence for this but I once came across pomegranate helping speech. I'm not sure how but the acidic sour taste helped the tongue. I've tried to find proof again and again but cannot find it. But yeah as soon as we give my child pomegranate seeds she started improving with words etc