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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to bin the date off now?

52 replies

ForOliveShaker · 30/08/2024 18:55

Been speaking to a guy for a couple of weeks. He’s alright looking, my type and to be fair, he rings me after work and we’ve had quite the laugh and joke. He’s make me laugh and we have really similar interests.

we were on the phone today and he randomly mid convo said “oh damn I just looked in my rear view mirror and the girl behind me is beautiful” mind you I’m pretty secure in myself to not feel majorly intimidated. However, I went silent on the phone and just said “yeah okay. Maybe I’ll have a rethink about tomorrow” he went “no I’m not ever gonna do anything. I think it’s okay to acknowledge others being pretty” so I said “yeah that’s fine. But again maybe I’m just interested anymore”

It’s a massive shame because we’d really got on so far but something about that just put me off. Shall I bin it or aibu?

OP posts:
CucumberBagel · 30/08/2024 18:57

You'll get lots of cool wives and men defending it, but it was a weird thing to say. It's almost like he wanted to neg you. I'd bin him off.

HealthyHopefulHappy · 30/08/2024 18:58

Hmm I also think he was negging you. What an idiot he is, best off out of it!

username44416 · 30/08/2024 18:58

Drop him like he's hot.

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 30/08/2024 18:59

HealthyHopefulHappy · 30/08/2024 18:58

Hmm I also think he was negging you. What an idiot he is, best off out of it!

Does that mean to get a reaction?

OP posts:
Foxxo · 30/08/2024 19:00

CucumberBagel · 30/08/2024 18:57

You'll get lots of cool wives and men defending it, but it was a weird thing to say. It's almost like he wanted to neg you. I'd bin him off.

can we not instantly Neg people who don't have a problem with it as 'cool wife' its so fucking rude/disrespectful to other people opinions, which they are entitled to have.

Theleaveswillbefalling · 30/08/2024 19:01

ForOliveShaker · 30/08/2024 18:59

Does that mean to get a reaction?

Show quote history

No, it means to make you feel insecure so you want to prove your beautiful/better and do this by having sex with him.

He has been reading Andrew Tate et al.

MissRachelismycoparent · 30/08/2024 19:02

What is negging?

I'd bin him

Foxxo · 30/08/2024 19:02

OP .. i'd think it was a weird thing to say to someone who is a new potential partner, and it'd be a slight red flag, but as a first offence, it wouldn't give me the ick, but it would make me more guarded wary.

Ultimately, its up to you to decide if its given you the ick, or if its worth moving past if he and you have got on well so far.

UpUpUpU · 30/08/2024 19:02

It would be a block from me

Clarabell77 · 30/08/2024 19:03

Bin it

CucumberBagel · 30/08/2024 19:06

Foxxo · 30/08/2024 19:00

can we not instantly Neg people who don't have a problem with it as 'cool wife' its so fucking rude/disrespectful to other people opinions, which they are entitled to have.

Show quote history

What I said was not negging, you're misusing the term weirdly. It's a description that refers to a specific subset of women (or posters pretending to be women) who defend anything a man does as a woman being "too sensitive". You can have a differing opinion without being a "cool wife". HTH.

CoffeeGood · 30/08/2024 19:06

It's fine for him to think it, it's not fine for him to voice it, when you can't even see him looking. It's disrespectful. I'd be binning him off for that, it's only going to get worse.

pictoosh · 30/08/2024 19:07

I wouldn't go on the date, no.
Odd thing to say to a woman in these circumstances...would assume he is creating 'competition' for me to live up to, with him as the 'prize'. Please fuck off.

Bestyearever2024 · 30/08/2024 19:07

Absolutely negging

Hes a twat

Bin

BirthdayRainbow · 30/08/2024 19:07

Too immature if he doesn't know that's not a good thing to say. Bin.

Waterboatlass · 30/08/2024 19:08

No, fine for him to think it. Anything to liven up the drive home. Of course we all notice other attractive people now and again. Weird thing to voice.

I'd cancel the date and let him know why but by text and not get into a conversation about it. It's just not gentlemanly to be commenting on random other womens' looks before you've even met. Uncouth and what's he going to be like in person ? I think he's giving you a taster. I think you've got good boundaries.

Foxxo · 30/08/2024 19:09

CucumberBagel · 30/08/2024 19:06

What I said was not negging, you're misusing the term weirdly. It's a description that refers to a specific subset of women (or posters pretending to be women) who defend anything a man does as a woman being "too sensitive". You can have a differing opinion without being a "cool wife". HTH.

Show quote history

Not misusing.

the meaning may have changed, originally it also included criticising someone to make them feel inferior and yourself superior... which is what you're doing calling people 'cool wives'

"Negging is a form of verbal abuse, and it’s often used to manipulate or control a person. It involves making negative comments about someone’s appearance, character, or behaviour in an effort to make them feel bad about themselves."

PolePrince55 · 30/08/2024 19:11

Bin him

CucumberBagel · 30/08/2024 19:12

Foxxo · 30/08/2024 19:09

Not misusing.

the meaning may have changed, originally it also included criticising someone to make them feel inferior and yourself superior... which is what you're doing calling people 'cool wives'

"Negging is a form of verbal abuse, and it’s often used to manipulate or control a person. It involves making negative comments about someone’s appearance, character, or behaviour in an effort to make them feel bad about themselves."

Edited
Show quote history

Er, no. Sorry. That's incorrect.

anareen · 30/08/2024 19:15

It sounds like it was intentional. That comment is just the tip of the iceberg with that behavior.

I wouldn't be entertaining him anymore.

Benvolio · 30/08/2024 19:16

It's a stupid test and deliberately, goadingly disrespectful in the way HE called attention to it. You can do better.

Cosycore · 30/08/2024 19:17

He was talking to you like you are his pal, not a love interest. I can see why you’re put off OP.

MonsteraMama · 30/08/2024 19:21

Foxxo · 30/08/2024 19:09

Not misusing.

the meaning may have changed, originally it also included criticising someone to make them feel inferior and yourself superior... which is what you're doing calling people 'cool wives'

"Negging is a form of verbal abuse, and it’s often used to manipulate or control a person. It involves making negative comments about someone’s appearance, character, or behaviour in an effort to make them feel bad about themselves."

Edited
Show quote history

No that's not what negging is at all, unless you think the person you're accusing of negging also wants to shag you.

Pebbles16 · 30/08/2024 19:22

Why two posts?

Ecstaticmotion · 30/08/2024 19:23

I

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