Aibu to bin the date off now?

[ForOliveShaker]

Been speaking to a guy for a couple of weeks. He’s alright looking, my type and to be fair, he rings me after work and we’ve had quite the laugh and joke. He’s make me laugh and we have really similar interests.

we were on the phone today and he randomly mid convo said “oh damn I just looked in my rear view mirror and the girl behind me is beautiful” mind you I’m pretty secure in myself to not feel majorly intimidated. However, I went silent on the phone and just said “yeah okay. Maybe I’ll have a rethink about tomorrow” he went “no I’m not ever gonna do anything. I think it’s okay to acknowledge others being pretty” so I said “yeah that’s fine. But again maybe I’m just interested anymore”

It’s a massive shame because we’d really got on so far but something about that just put me off. Shall I bin it or aibu?

Nah, avoid

Oops typo

I have been called a cool wife on here, but I also would draw a line at this. He’s negging you. I’ve dated guys who do this. It’s a bad sign. Teach him a lesson and cancel it

What?! 😵‍💫
I don’t think you know what negging means!
definitely give up on this OP, even though he was commenting on someone else he sounds very cocky. Why let you know his head is easily turned? Twat.

I push into the 'cool wife' side of things and I would also have an issue. My husband comments another woman is beautiful - sure. A guy I had been dating for two weeks? No way is that a suitable topic of conversation that early on.

To voice is it just weird. He wants a reaction of some sort. Anyone game playing isn't worth it.

@Foxxo yes but the person negging is insulting someone to destroy their self confidence so that they sleep with them. That’s what negging is.

OP, he was trying to get a reaction - jealousy most likely. I’d bin him off.

If you selectively quote things you can get anything to agree with you, I guess 😂

Also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Negging . It's possible when it was first used in the 1890s it had a different meaning, but language evolves and in popular use since at least the 50s has been emotional manipulation in a pick-up context.

You've shared my exact thoughts. Husband, no problem. Stranger wanting to date me - absolutely not.

I would think it's weird. It's one thing acknowledging the fit pharmacist when you're 15 years into a relationship with a light hearted comment about 'Dr Dishy' but randomly saying that about a stranger in the car when you are only just dating, odd and I would call it.

I wouldn’t cancel the date over this one thing.

I often comment on men and women’s appearances without even thinking about it.
If I see someone beautiful/handsome I’ll say it to the person I’m with, as my mouth sometimes talks before my brain engages.

However, I would keep an eye on this and if it happens again or there are any comments or behaviours that make you feel uncomfortable then get rid without a second thought.

Classic negging and he tried to play it off as nothing much, make you out to be insecure.

I'd kick him back, sorry.

It’s weird for him to be noticing other women when he’s talking to you. Why isn’t he focussing on you? To tell you about it is even weirder. Really off putting.

I'd bin him for being an idiot. Why would anyone think that is a smart thing to say to someone they're trying to date? 🤦‍♀️

You’d say it to someone who you really fancy and whilst you were talking to them?

Urgh. I mean I don't think there's anything particularly wrong in noticing a beautiful woman, but to mention it in the early "chatting up" stages?

Maybe it was foot in mouth syndrome?

I think carry on with the date as planned, if he's been otherwise engaging, but don't let a 2nd mis-speak go.

Agreed with others, that isn't what negging means.

What makes it a deal breaker for me is his reaction when she made it clear she wasn't ok with it. He didn't say 'I am so sorry, complete foot in mouth'. He doubled down and told her she was wrong for not being ok with it.

Plus of course: the OP has been put off and she doesn't want to date him any more. She doesn't owe this guy anything, she can decide not to date him for whatever reason she wants. It's been two weeks - if she didn't like the smell of his aftershave she can bin him without having to give him a second chance if that's how she feels.

Sounds like he’s rude. Don’t turn up for the date, tell him you lost interest around the same time he did.

It would put me off, specially if it’s early days.

Hmmm, it would definitely make me pause. If I otherwise liked him I'd probably go on the date in the hope it was nerves that made him say that, but I'd definitely be on my guard.

This, without missing a heartbeat.

Perhaps he was either being a shallow dick and objectifying a woman, or possibly made it up and wanted to let you know that he only feels casual about you, that you haven't 'got him' yet. Sounds like a prick either way.

It’s very weird to say it to a prospective date you haven’t even met before!

I would drop him, I wouldn’t even reply to any more of his messages tbh.