Confused as to if I ever over stepped a line?

[ARaspberryberet]

Long story short my ex partner and I have been Co parenting for 2 years now. Our son has been telling us both about wanting to sign up to a specific after school activity. My ex said this was something he wanted to take our son to which I'm happy with, have no problem with. The class has a very long waiting list. My ex spoke about this months ago and I advised him to get in the ball with putting the child's name down on the waiting list.

3 months on he hadn't done it, so I took the initiative to email the place to ask how long the wait list is and could my sons name be added to the list to possibly get a spot. That's it, that's all I've done. I've put his name down to get the ball rolling. Anything else after that would still be how my ex wanted, with him taking him to the class, being present at the class, he'd be filling in the forms and contact details for himself etc. I knew he really wanted it to be a father & son thing and was really in support of it. My ex is the type of person who means well in saying he'll do something but never gets round to it if that makes sense and after him mentioning it 3 months ago and not doing anything about it and our son is asking me every single day about this class and excited to go to it I just thought I must contact the place and enquire about the wait list and coukd I stick his name down. I wanted to ensure he got a place in something he's so passionate about
And thought I was doing a good thing and that the ex would actually be happy. He wasn't, he's fuming with me, I was told I was poking my nose in, it's none of my business or place, it was his thing to do with his son etc and it should've been him contacting to put his name down. I've come away from the conversation with him feeling like I've done something really wrong by simply adding my child's name just down on a waiting list.. He made me feel like I'm trying to take this away from him, but I won't be having anything to do with it, it will be all him and our son. I just wanted to get the ball rolling. But I've been made feel like I'm out of line and crossing boundaries by even reaching out to this place, basically I'm wrong for doing what I done.
My ex really cannot see that I just put the child's name down on a list. I'm so confused right now, I'm wondering if he's right have I done something messed up here?

No you haven’t. You just got the ball rolling to help both of them do this together. Is he feeling guilt you’ve stepped in?

What would he like you to do now? How would he like to resolve? You’re co parenting, so he really needs be mature about it for the sake of your child.

Maybe he was just all talk and had no intention of doing anything but using the excuse that the class was full? Regardless yanbu.

*intending to use the excuse

Lethargy

No there was no guilt from him that he hadn't made that enquiry. He was just really pissed at me and said it wasn't my business to do that when he made it clear he wanted it to be his activity he took him to. I'm agreeing to all that, I thought it was a great thing for them both. I just wanted to make sure he got a spot with how in demand this activity is in our area. No my ex is really really pissed at me I did not expect how much I've pissed him off

@mummytrex No I do believe it was his intentions to take him. He really did want to do this with the child. That's exactly why I thought I was doing a good thing. No the ex is pissed I took anything to do with contacting something that he said he would do. I've been name feel like I've really overstepped a line or that I'm trying to sabotage him or something messed up.

Hes definitely not happy with me. I'm really confused because I didn't think there'd be anything wrong with me simply putting his name down. Anything after that was all for my ex to take control of doing just as he wanted. I'm so so confused by his reaction and response tonight and I'm just wondering is he right, should I have just done nothing and left him to do it even though he had months to sort things out??

Your ex is being irrational and controlling. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and he’s probably just ranting because he’s embarrassed that he has been so slow to sort it out.

I’d just say to him “Sorry you feel excluded. Feel free to call the club up and advise them that when the place comes up, you’ll be the main contact.” Then ignore anything else he has to say.

Bet you’re feeling relieved he’s an ex!!

My reply to him would be well if he wanted to do badly, why didn’t he?

I would just say "son keeps asking about it. He's very excited. I'm not going to make him wait any longer than necessary. If you choose not to take him. I will"

“Don’t be an idiot Darren, Johnny has been asking to do this every day for three months and you haven’t got round to getting him on the waitlist, so I’ve done it for you. When you have had time to reflect, feel free to apologise for me having to pick up your slack and for being so rude to me. Otherwise I don’t want to hear anything more about it.”

You’ve done this for your dc because your ex can’t get his act together.
Your ex is annoyed with you rather than accepting that he’s just not organised.

Dont let him be pissed with you.
Tell him, he’s had 3 months and done nothing.

This.

YANBU and you've done nothing wrong. Your ex is mental.

He never wanted to actually do it. He is all mouth.

Tell him to give it a fucking rest.

Honestly I was ready to say YABU when I started reading this, because in theory I think you shouldn't meddle with you ex's admin stuff.

But in this case I would be very firm with your ex that your son wants to go to this activity, so either he gets his act together and get it sorted, or you will - nor for him, for your son.
It doesn't matter what "he wants", this isn't about him. And it's not your problem if he is procrastinating or forgetting.

I would go through the entire registration process if he doesn't act on it quickly once your son gets a spot.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong. If he wanted to do the activity with his son so much then he would have made the effort. He didn't. He's probably feeling guilty/embarrassed that you've got your shit together more than he has.

Was this a pattern in your relationship or his parenting, talking-the-talk, but not actually doing it? Perhaps he didn't really want to take him, but it sounded good. Now he'll actually have to do it. If he gets back in touch ask him when he was going to do the simple act of putting hia name down and why wasn't it done. Then tell him to grow the fuck up.

Definitely this. What a prize prick. If it meant THAT much to him he'd have done it ages ago.

You are NOT in the wrong

You've done nothing wrong. He just feels pissed off as it might take a tiny bit of the glory away from him! Also that he's pissed off at himself for not getting round to do it.
Just tell him, I did it because he wants to go and you hadn't done it yet. No harm done. Then just shrug and move the convo on. Ignore him if he gets in a strop about it. Don't let it drag down your mood. You should not be made to feel bad just bc he's disorganised.

All decisions correct on your part. Can see why he's an ex.

Thank god he's your ex! what a twat! You've done something nice for your son because your ex was too useless to do it. I'd just say "you're welcome to thank me for getting the ball rolling seeing as you couldn't get your act together and it was upsetting DC. Otherwise, I don't want to hear any more about it. Feel free to call them and confirm you are the person to contact, if you can be bothered to do that!". I think he either had no intention of doing it or is annoyed that your action has highlighted how useless he is. Ignore!

Ugh, he's an idiot. Just ignore him.

I think you've just pointed out how useless he was being and his response is a defensive reaction to something he knows to be true.

Either that or he never intended to go at all.

There is only one response to this: '"DC was asking me daily about this. You had said you were keen, but had not got the ball rolling. I had asked you to follow up. By putting his name down, I was able to tell him that his name was down and that once a slot came available, you would be excited to take him. I will not apologise for actually getting on with doing somethign for DC that we both promised him could happen".

Just a guess but I bet this isn't the first time he's let you/DC down with uselessness of this sort?