Confused as to if I ever over stepped a line?

[ARaspberryberet]

Long story short my ex partner and I have been Co parenting for 2 years now. Our son has been telling us both about wanting to sign up to a specific after school activity. My ex said this was something he wanted to take our son to which I'm happy with, have no problem with. The class has a very long waiting list. My ex spoke about this months ago and I advised him to get in the ball with putting the child's name down on the waiting list.

3 months on he hadn't done it, so I took the initiative to email the place to ask how long the wait list is and could my sons name be added to the list to possibly get a spot. That's it, that's all I've done. I've put his name down to get the ball rolling. Anything else after that would still be how my ex wanted, with him taking him to the class, being present at the class, he'd be filling in the forms and contact details for himself etc. I knew he really wanted it to be a father & son thing and was really in support of it. My ex is the type of person who means well in saying he'll do something but never gets round to it if that makes sense and after him mentioning it 3 months ago and not doing anything about it and our son is asking me every single day about this class and excited to go to it I just thought I must contact the place and enquire about the wait list and coukd I stick his name down. I wanted to ensure he got a place in something he's so passionate about
And thought I was doing a good thing and that the ex would actually be happy. He wasn't, he's fuming with me, I was told I was poking my nose in, it's none of my business or place, it was his thing to do with his son etc and it should've been him contacting to put his name down. I've come away from the conversation with him feeling like I've done something really wrong by simply adding my child's name just down on a waiting list.. He made me feel like I'm trying to take this away from him, but I won't be having anything to do with it, it will be all him and our son. I just wanted to get the ball rolling. But I've been made feel like I'm out of line and crossing boundaries by even reaching out to this place, basically I'm wrong for doing what I done.
My ex really cannot see that I just put the child's name down on a list. I'm so confused right now, I'm wondering if he's right have I done something messed up here?

He's pissed off because you've shown him up for being a lazy Dad.

Simple as that !

Did you tell DC that you’d put him on the waiting list?

The only thing you've done wrong is not say "I'm putting DC on waiting list"....no wonder he's your ex.

I didnt tell my son "i" got his name on the list because to me it's not a favouritism battle like I think it is for my sons dad. It was more important to me that he gets doing an activity he's showing real interest in at 7 yrs of age. I just told him his name was finally on the list and he was delighted. I never said I done it or his dad done it, the important part to me was seeing the happiness in him.

I would be annoyed if ex signed me up for something on my time and my money.

Oh shut up and actually read the thread.

Rude, I have. I’ve just got a different opinion.

I'd remind him it's not about him, or about you for that matter, it's about your son getting to do the activity he wants to do. It shouldn't be more important to him who signed DC up than that DC is now actually in with a shot of doing the activity. And end it there - if he tries to keep bringing it up remind him every time that as you said, its about DC.

He can't afford it

Why do you care so much about what this lazy git, who you're no longer romantically involved with, feels about you?

And why do you prioritise his ego over your son doing an activity he is eager to do?

He sounds like a big bloody baby.

You've done nothing wrong.

Let me guess, everything in your marriage was down to you? I've been there too.

Tell him to piss off. I bet you are the primary carer.
It matters little what this man thinks of you. It's fine to tell your child that you signed him up for his activity cause he matters to YOU.

I would be annoyed if my ex promised our child he'd get them into a hobby and then did bugger all to make it happen.

Well if you ever found yourself in this situation, perhaps you would have actually got your finger out and put your dc on the waiting list yourself instead of leaving it for months on end.

I think you overstepped if the activity was to be during his contact time and at his cost.

He is absolutely useless though and I sympathise about wanting to make sure your son doesn't lose out to a lazy parent. Assuming that is the reason and it's not financial or something else.

My point is that your son has the dad he has and there will likely be years of let downs and sadly you need to accept that as part of the split. It's shit for your son but you can't make your ex a better dad.

Well he had 3 months to do it and didn’t! Who knows how much further down the wait list your DS now is because of his inertia. I think yanbu at all and it’s probably a guilty reaction coming out (totally unreasonably) at anger at you. I’d just grey rock his reaction, it’s not your job to manage his unreasonable anger about this. Your son is desperate to do the activity so just focus on that.

Yanbu, how were they going to start this activity if they aren't even signed up to anything? He sounds useless op and trying to make you feel bad. Just ignore him. You didn't do anything wrong.

There are lots of reasons he might be angry and none of them reflect well on him. You did nothing wrong. Just ignore his guilt tripping.

Possible reasons for his anger;

He feels guilty he did not get off his arse and do it and is lashing out.

He never intended to sign him up - just wanted some credit and now he has no excuses.

He thinks you are interfering in his parenting.

He made me feel [...] I've been made feel [...] basically I'm wrong.

Stop letting your ex have any effect on your feelings. He should have no power to make you feel anything.
Stop caring if he thinks you are right or wrong.

and as @GreatMistakes said, your son will likely have years of his father letting him down and disappointing him. You cannot prevent this. More importantly, you should not prevent this. Your DS will eventually have to see his father for who he really is.

When DS keeps asking about the activity, just keep telling him that his father is arranging that, so he has to ask his father and stop asking you. Then change the subject and talk about something else.
It is not your job to be responsible for the relationship he has with his father.

there's probably several reasons he is your ex.
being a twat is clearly one of them.