To be confused by friends husband reaction?

[ArseyVarsey]

I’ve been friends with my pal for nearly 25 years.
We’ve socialised over the years with both our families, including the husbands for the odd day out, park trips, dinner or lunch out as the kids grew up. No issues over the years between the families. My friend does a lot at home, as well as works, does all the house work, cleaning, cooking, gardening, and did all the childcare when the kids grew up. Her kids don’t have much of a relationship with the husband. He doesn’t socialise any more, just goes to work and is miserable at home.
We decided to book a little break away for 3 nights together, just my friend and I, to go walking in the Yorkshire Dales, in a cottage.
We went away 5 years ago, and had a brilliant time.
Before the pandemic, my friend and her family got a border collie (relevant) because they thought he was cute and be ‘therapeutic’ for the family, as friend was struggling with anxiety and one of the children (teen) was struggling with confidence.
The novelty wore off, the husband and teens do absolutely nothing with dog, even though it was a family decision. The husband swears and shouts at the dog.
My friend gets very stressed with the dog, they have a small back garden and there have been complaints from neighbours over the barking. They employed the services of a dog walker, who said she wouldn’t take him out again because of how difficult the dog was.
When my friend and hubby went away last year, I helped look after the dog with one of the teens, and the dog was great.,
My friend told her husband that we were planning to go away in a few months time, for the 3 nights, and he went ballistic.
He said he wouldn’t look after the dog and has been stonewalling my friend ever since.
He has been refusing to sit and eat with her and the rest of the family, won’t talk, sits elsewhere in the house,,so she apologised profusely to him to get him out of this situation.
He refuses point blank to talk.
So she came round and asked to cancel the trip away as her life is being made hell, and she was becoming ill with the atmosphere.
I was concerned that she asked to do this, but she said she needed to keep the peace at home.
I asked about the possibility of the dog in kennels for the 3 days, but my friend said it was best to cancel the holiday.
Well done for reading this far……
Why is he stonewalling her?
What can I do to help in this situation?

Her husband sounds horrible and the cause of most of her stress.

BUT ..... they got a border collie as a "theraputic dog" when they have busy lives and small garden. Absolute fucking idiots.

Collies aren't pets or "theraputic"dogs, they are working dogs. They need A LOT of exercise and stimulation, preferably on a farm. The dog isn't difficult it is stressed, unhappy, poorly trained and understimulated.

Seriously I would reintroduce dog licenses and ban most of the country from owning pets.

there are home stay kennels for dogs

I think the dog is the beginning of her problems.

Poor animal.

This.

I don't think much of your friend. The dog is in torment. Of all the breeds to choose from!

Urge her to rehome it, urgently.

If she’s a dear friend, you’re close and you love her, you need to gently suggest that his behaviour is abusive. There’s ways and means to bring it up so she can start coming to those conclusions herself. We get one life and this is no bloody way to live. I couldn’t stand by and let a friend carry on like this without saying something.

Nailed it

I am usually one of the first to suggest leaving an abusive relationship, but from what OP is saying this behaviour is out of character, and I would be concerned about that.

If the husband has always been like this then I’d say get the hell out now. But from what the OP is saying even the friend is confused, and OP has known her for 25 years. Even if she didn’t know everything, there would at least be an inkling at this point.

It may be that leaving turns out to be the right choice, but there could be other factors such as illness which have led to this shift in behaviour.

Disclaimer I’m only suggesting this on the basis this appears to be new behaviour in a longstanding relationship.