Why are elderly people spoken to like children?

[Pumpkinz]

My grandfather called me the other day to have a wee moan about the way the bank were handling his calls. He said they speak to him like a child. I wasn't sure how accurate his description was until I heard the way they spoke to him today. He called to transfer some money to his gardener. Just £30. They started talking to him about scams. He explained that if they look at his account they will see that he had made many payments of the same amount to his gardener every week for the last 10 years or so. His gardener had just left his house and he was paying him. Apparently they talk to him about scams every time he calls. Kept calling him sweetheart. He said please can you put a note on my account not to talk to me about scams every time I call. They told him they couldn't, then continued to tell him to use online banking. He said he didn't want to (he is blind. Has been since he was in his 20s. Has minimal vision). They then continued to ask him how long he'd known his gardener for! It was unbelievable. Has anyone else had this? I'm with the same bank and never have. He thinks it's because he's in his 80s. Just, no words.

I have a friend in her 80s. She is fiercely intelligent, well read and well travelled. She has some health issues and reports that all the medical professionals speak to her in a very patronising manner and use unwanted ‘dear’ ‘darling’ etc.

She could wipe the floor with them in terms of brain power. What is it that makes people try to infantilise older folk?

YANBU. Ageism is rife. Maybe it always was, but I’ve only noticed it now I’m getting older!

Ageism.

The last acceptable (by many including Mumsnet) and often fiercely defended prejudice.

They have to talk about scams when you transfer money as part of their policies depending on your bank - even if it's a known payment. My app does the exact same thing, a warning I have to tick a box on about scams, even when I'm paying my routine payments (like the gardener!). I'm with RBS and that's their policy. Annoying!

It's not just ageism at play, DH gets spoken to like an idiot by medical staff as soon as they see his diagnosis of brain tumour (he can hear and understand absolutely fine, but can't articulate well on speaking).

But I can HEAR his eye roll when someone say Mr xxxx in that sing song voice they do!

They shouldn't be calling him "sweetheart"
They have to categorise people as vulnerable customers if they meet certain criteria. Age is just one of them.

She could wipe the floor with them in terms of brain power. What is it that makes people try to infantilise older folk?

It’s what happens when you get someone who isn’t very bright, but enjoys the idea of being kind and caring and in a less benign way having authority over someone they perceive to be weaker than them.

Sounds very annoying. The pet names are just plain wrong, it should be Mr Lastname.

The scam issue is ridiculous if they can see its a regular payment and the service has been provided. Could he set up a standing order instead maybe? Not that he should have to but at least there wouldn't be this nonsense every time.

I once had a bank transfer denied because the person on the other end of the phone thought it was a scam. I'd bought from the person before and had no problems. But they refused to allow the transfer and my order was cancelled.

I've looked after many elderly relatives and often been annoyed at the way they've been spoken to out and about, at appointments etc. On the other hand I've known them be treated with respect as well. There should be more training on this.

My mum, fiercely intelligent, was driven mad by the way her carers spoke to her. Her difficulties were purely physical after a massive stroke, but they spoke to get as if she was five. Sometimes she'd be in tears about it

When I was in my teens and twenties I was always being called "darling", "love" and "sweetheart" and it used to infuriate me so much. I was extremely relieved when it stopped as I moved towards middle age.
Now I'm getting old and it's happening all over again. Arghhh!

My mum was warned about scams ( she’s 88) last time she wanted to transfer a large sum of money ( 10k) ….she was really impressed that staff did this…..they didn’t speak to her like a child though…..they asked the usual questions….has anybody made you do this…..asked who I was …..asked if she knew the recipient….that sort of thing…..staff are trained to do this

Sometimes its abbreviated to " sweet" which makes my toes curl.

Drives me mad. I work in healthcare and hear people in their 20s calling people who were senior executives "poppet" and saying "aren't they sweet". Personally I hate being called "darling" by strangers in shops. So disrespectful.

I’m not sure it’s necessarily an age thing as some bank staff can be really patronising.

I used to work in a care home and I fucking hated this. I always made sure to speak to adults like adults.
Yes you may need to be loud, speak slowly, or use less words so they understand, but there's no need for the toddler talk.
It was rife too. I'd say 70/30 in favour of the baby talkers.

I'm going to sound like a right twat now but I honestly think it comes down to people being a bit thick. Heart in the right place. Brain, not so much.

He could complain about the 'sweetheart' stuff, that sounds bloody annoying.
Unfortunately the scam warnings are probably here to stay.

The (frankly hopeless) physio at my GP surgery kept on calling me "my dear". For gawds sake, I'm just in my 60s, I would guess she's nearly 30. My darkest look soon stopped that...!

When my husband - mid 70s - was in hospital earlier this year, I spotted a nurse wiping his mouth while he was eating. Just walked past him and wiped his mouth as she passed.

I spotted her in the cafeteria next day and was really tempted to walk over and wipe her mouth without asking.

Throughout the weeks in hospital there were nurses trying to manage his diabetes. "It's 3pm. You need to test your blood." He's been managing his diabetes for 30+ years and he was in hospital with a knee injury. Eventually had to contact his consultant to tell them that his diabetes management was fine and they were messing it up.

My husband is very bright and still working part-time in a responsible job and was being treated like a 3 year old.

Id hedge a bet that the people doing this are the same ones who call their fb friends 'hun'...like a pp said above they are usually a bit thick.

I completely agree. Dimwits. No one in financial services should be calling anyone sweetheart, Can only hope that when their calls get listened to they will be pulled up on that.

Agree older people are patronised 🤬 but one thing that irritates me, an older person “has a fall” no they fall over!

To be fair, I have to click to acknowledge I have read a warning about scams every time I pay anyone on the app, so can imagine it's there policy to give a verbal version of it for phone transfers. That alone isn't an age thing, they do it to everyone so they can show they've taken all reasonable steps to protect customers from scams, otherwise they can be liable if customers are scammed.

There's not really any excuse for calling him sweetheart though.

It’s so disrespectful isn’t it? My mother who could be a bit of a tartar always said “it’s Mrs X thank you and this man here who I have been married to for 55 years is my husband not my partner”

And I used to take cover when the nurse said “would you just pop your top off for me please dear” and my mother used to reply, “I will certainly remove my shirt so I can be examined” followed by a stony silence.

I agree OP. Have heard a carer talking to an old lady she was with in the most agonisingly patronising and over the top saccharine way.
When I am old I shall be a cross between the drug taking grandfather in Little Miss Sunshine (having barely touched anything apart from a tiny bit of grass in my youth) and Catherine Tate's Nan. Let them dare to infantalise me. Or perhaps I'll be too wasted to care.

Perfectly put