Why are elderly people spoken to like children?

[Pumpkinz]

My grandfather called me the other day to have a wee moan about the way the bank were handling his calls. He said they speak to him like a child. I wasn't sure how accurate his description was until I heard the way they spoke to him today. He called to transfer some money to his gardener. Just £30. They started talking to him about scams. He explained that if they look at his account they will see that he had made many payments of the same amount to his gardener every week for the last 10 years or so. His gardener had just left his house and he was paying him. Apparently they talk to him about scams every time he calls. Kept calling him sweetheart. He said please can you put a note on my account not to talk to me about scams every time I call. They told him they couldn't, then continued to tell him to use online banking. He said he didn't want to (he is blind. Has been since he was in his 20s. Has minimal vision). They then continued to ask him how long he'd known his gardener for! It was unbelievable. Has anyone else had this? I'm with the same bank and never have. He thinks it's because he's in his 80s. Just, no words.

Sweetheart or any other pet names are not acceptable and are unprofessional.

Scam warnings are needed though I feel. Your grandfather may be savvy and find it frustrating, but better to be advised/warned then be a victim of a scam for the sake of a minute or so. Sadly many people fall for them, and older people are more susceptible.

It's quite rife here on mn. Posters talking about their parents like their stubborn little children who don't know what's good for them. It makes me really angry. I'm 39 but I shudder to think that's how I'll be treated when I get older.

I'm a West Midlands wench and don't mind "love" or "darlin" when used as a part of speech like "and" and "the". I have strong objections (after decades in frontline social services) to even calling people by their first names unless invited to, let alone patronising "sweet/hun/dear". You're dealing with people who have often had to surrender massive parts of their lives to the care and control of others but still need and deserve respect. That is one way of doing it, to show that you are serving them.

Warnings re scams etc is actually a good thing. Far too many people are caught out and as many warnings and opportunities to question payments is the right thing to do. Try paying someone online via the bank app and it's just the same. It's on an age thing. Your grandfather would be the first to complain if he did get stung by a scam! They happen to anyone regardless of age.

The calling anyone "sweatheart" or "dear" or "love" is outrageous and needs to stop, again, whatever age the customer. People need to complain about that. Sadly, the NHS is terrible for it. Me and OH are only in our 50s and get it a lot in the NHS, usually from health care assistants, but also occasionally from nurses and even doctors.

I find the same as a disabled person. The call starts completely normally and, if for any reason I need to mention my physical disability, the tone changes suddenly to one of pity. I cannot abide it. Similarly, when I answer the door to someone and they notice, they start talking to me as if I’m as thick as shit, or if I’m with an able bodied person when shopping or something - people will talk to them and not me! I’m a reasonably intelligent adult!! It’s infuriating.

There was a splendid poster up In Addenbrokes Hospital in Cambridge of an elderly lady tagged ‘I’ve never been known as love, my name of Professor Smith’ or words to that effect…

I went to buy a carpet with my then 83 year old nana the man was so rude to her and kept talking to me and talking over her, acting like she had memory problems. I finally snapped when she told him the measurement of the room and he asked me to confirm it was correct...
I pointed out she'd lived in the house longer than both of us combined had been born and she'd measured the room so she could tell him in metres rather than the ft she already knew that morning.
I was raging. My Nana's response:
"Every one starts to do it when you get to about 75, I just ignore it."

Absolutely this!

I'm 47.

They read the same scam warnings to
Me.

It's unusual to ring each time for a payment. Does he do it for everything? Must take a long time.

Anyone who dares to infantlise me gets a verbal slap in return, I'm polite to a point then I snap [don't fart though]😁

My beloved late gran always said about my cousin ‘he talks to me like I am a silly old lady’

Believe me she wasn’t. Cousin was just condescending.

Imo it happens when you're both young and old.

Young people aren't necessarily stupid, neither are old people. You shouldn't speak like that to either age imo

Has he told the bank he has sight loss which is why he does phone banking? That might shut down a couple of the comments as they should mark that on his account (I have hearing loss marked up on mine). All banks bang on about scams though tbf.

would you just pop your top off for me please dear I’ve always wondered why a complete stranger would imagine I would want to do anything as a favour to them.

but better to be advised/warned then be a victim of a scam for the sake of a minute or so. The motivation of the bank is purely to escape having to pay compensation.

and older people are more susceptible People with cognitive impairment are more susceptible. Lonely people may be more susceptible. Older people may be more targeted. But there’s no reason why age alone should increase susceptibility.

One thing that annoys me is calling incontinence pads “nappies”. It’s deliberately demeaning

Sounds like my mother. When people called her sweet heart, she said I am not your sweetheart or darling.

In hospital AMU. I overheard a nurse and obviously elderly patient.

Patient: No, I don't like that.
Nurse Singsong: Awww, come on sweetheart, turn over and let's wash those crumpets.

Aww, sweetheart, crumpets! My toes curled.

It was not an isolated incident. Almost made me thankful I'm going to die young.

Crumpets 🤮

I cringe when I hear the way some medical staff talk to my very elderly mum. It’s so infantilising, so disrespectful . I think she’s incredibly patient to put up with it. I won’t be unkind but I certainly won’t put up with any of that nonsense if I get to be her age.