Are French kids brought up differently to kids in England or were these just some super kids we met on holiday?

[XelaM]

Just returned from a boat day trip in Greece with my teen. There were a few other families there including a French family with two little kids aged five and six. Those kids were honestly some of the "toughest" (and most well-behaved) kids I have ever come across.

To start with, I have never seen kids that age swim so well. Those tiny kids were like fish - jumping from the side of the boat and swimming with zero aids in really really deep waters. We also visited some cliffs and some jumped from the cliffs into the sea (which was SO SCARY 😱) and those little kids did that as well! Even my adventurous teen said the jump from the cliffs was scary and she couldn't believe the two little kids did it.

We were also fed freshly caught sea urchin and sea potatoes (which were an acquired taste to say the least 🤣) and I was certain the kids wouldn't try them only to see those two taking one sea urchin after another with zero complaints.

They were up for anything and you never heard a single moan or complaint out of them (unlike my 14-year-old 😏). And it's not like their parents appeared strict or disinterested - they were having fun and engaged with the kids. The kids were super friendly and chatty (when spoken to by others) but otherwise completely did their own thing not bothering anyone at all.

At the end even my teen who usually has no time for little kids was impressed and commented that "those were some hard core kids" 😅 (her words).

So clearly I went wrong in my parenting somewhere 🤪 but it made me wonder - are French kids brought up differently - maybe more independent and resilient or were those some super-human robot kids? 😁

My dc were like that from birth, it's created by parenting robustly and consistently.
I am a parenting coach now and find a lot of the parents I meet are terrified of the world, let alone their children.

I was recently in France, staying at a gite belonging to a French friend of a dd. The subject of relative children’s behaviour cropped up at some point, and she said - her exact words - that French parents are more ‘brutal’ with their children than British ones. I should add that she lived in England for some years.

I suspect that means that there’s probably rather less ‘gentle’ parenting in France, with I dare say the odd sharp slap thrown in.

When my kids were at school we had two exchange trips, one of my children went to France and one to Germany, we then hosted the French and German child.

The German boy was lovely, so polite, fitted in with anything that was happening. It was a lovely visit for 2 weeks. The French girl was a nightmare, barely spoke, didn't like anything to eat and it was compounded when the school asked me if her friend could join us as she was desperately unhappy with her host family. I thought great our girl would cheer up with her friend. They spent the rest of the two weeks huddled in our spare bedroom when they weren't at school. The weekends were hell. Her father phoned to ask if she was OK, I explained about the other girl (he knew her) and that I was having issues as they were very picky eaters and they really weren't using their English at all. He said not to worry, it was what he expected.

I think it is pointless trying to imagine that all families/children in a country will be the same. Thinking about it I had one of mine who would eat anything and one who was a very fussy eater so I don't think you can generalise in one family never mind a whole country.

We do, but to access them, you need to take out a mortgage to pay for the parking, same with forests and national parks.

One other thing, French shops are all shut by midday on a Sunday and usually close by 1930 on weekdays, long working hours isn't something they do.

The french seem to have more family time than we do.

What differences have you noticed with parenting and children's behaviour in general? If any?

I've taught hundreds of French children and teens (along with plenty of other nationalities). They were no more or less obnoxious than any other nationality.

Not sure how you'd explain my four who are all very different despite being brought up in exactly the same way. I think we can congratulate ourselves about how our children turn out (or the opposite) when lots of it isn't down to us at all.

More generalising. My kids grew up in walking distance of the beach. Locally the schools all "claimed" their own cove and fun parties were had at weekends. So plenty of British kids can access the beach with no costs involved.

no - i assure you, they are not all like that. Ive met english children like the ones you've described.

Typical middle class Britishness.

Always trying to copy the French.

Personally I've always preferred Germany and the Nordic countries.

What? This is ridiculous. Some french kids are amazing I'm sure. But there's millions of them and they're not all the same, what an odd thing to say! No one has any definitive personality traits or lifestyle just because of where they were born.

My completely unscientific observation is that young French children do seem on average to be more mature and well behaved in restaurants etc.

But this is reversed when they hit the teens - French teenagers can be pretty loud and rude in groups, more so than British teens who often impress me with their politeness and good humour.

Me too. And by their fathers. In restaurants.

I think that post might have been ever so slightly tongue in cheek. Well, I hope so!

This is a particularly British thing I think. Everything is down to "parenting" - good or bad. So if you have a well behaved child who gets AAA at A level, that's because of your perfect "parenting".

Next door's child is naughty because their parents are useless.

It's nothing to do with the child themselves. I wonder what age some parents in the UK think that children have free will and make their own decisions.

Obviously how you discipline and bring up your child affects their behaviour when they are young - eg you stop them running around a restaurant or watching a tablet without headphones - but once they're older it's up to them. Not you.

I remember someone saying my son was a credit to us when he was six months old. Well that was very kind but it was utter nonsense. He was a very easy baby because we were lucky, not because we were superior at "parenting".

Look at other parents from overseas and they don't think everything is down to them. British parents could learn from that.

And you don't "parent", you are a parent, and you bring up your kids as best you can.

I’ve heard that French kids are like this. And was told about the book “French kids don’t throw food”. Wev just come back from Spain and saw a French family on the next table. I was curious to see if the book was correct. But ended up chuckling as their rather normal toddler literally launched his plate across the room. All kids are different

You have just reminded me.
Some of my relatives that live in villages in India, older folk above 60 can add, subtract and do percentages within seconds in relation to agricultural stock, food, clothes etc, whereas, I would whip out my phone. They wouldn't even know what a school looks like.

Still this reading age of 9 in UK has to be a mistake, or some obscure study.

Completely agree with this. My DH's family is very outdoorsy and all of the kids, including ours, are as capable as you can expect for their respective ages. I often see kids being taught to be terrified of falling off a fallen log, or being told that a slide is too high for them, or just of being dirty, for crying out loud. I think actually the latter is the single most effective way of putting kids off learning to take care of themselves outside.

Can confirm French kids are brought up differently. Parental expectations are high from an early age. The education system reinforces that. Manners and respect for your elders. The language reinforces this, although there's now much more slang in general usage, it is still quite formal and polite.

When dd did a French exchange, one of the French teens her friend hosted ate zero vegetables, not even onions. He didn't eat tomatoes either. It was challenging for the English mum to cook for him. So fussy eaters do exist there.

Yes, yes, French children are all so well behavvvved. And their parents ride around on bikes with stripy tops and onions round their neck shouting "ooh la la" at anyone that will listen. And other cultural stereotypes. Don't be ridiculous, OP, of course French children are not better behaved.

And on the subject of that bloody book that everyone bangs on about - British children don't throw food either! Unless they're a baby and still learning to eat.

@Waitingfordoggo my constant refrain on holiday (I’m an avid traveller and tea drinker) is “you can’t get the milk you know!” 😂

French Children Don't Throw Food is a great book and worth the read!

As a teenager visiting France with friends , we met some French teenage boys who drank methylated spirits for fun and smoked a ton of weed. So no, not particularly well behaved 😆